Giving Yourself the Gift of Deeper Intimacy with Your Partner Through Human?Design

Picture this: You’re having a simple conversation with your partner, speaking in what you believe to be plain English, yet somehow your words seem to land as if you’re speaking an entirely different language.?

Have you ever experienced that??

You share, speak with passion, only to be met with either a deer-in-the-headlights look or as if you have three horns growing out of your head?

Somehow, what your partner hears sounds like Swahili.?

And, then when they communicate back to you it sounds like Chinese?

Yet, there you are insisting that you just said the thing in plain English.

We’ve all been there, am I right?

So, why the disconnect?

Did you know that we each have a language that’s all our own that comes from our unique coding and energetic wiring?

Beyond the Five Love Languages

One of the bodies of work I have studied in my younger years was that of the “5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman, as I found his research to be both useful and impactful.

The 5 Love Languages I am referring to are: touch, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and gifts.?

However, I also think we need to go beyond just the 5 Love Languages.?

Side note, I feel the same way about assessments. Where I think those tools all serve a purpose, I also find something lacking in terms of depth.

Enter in Human Design.

There’s a much deeper level in which we can explore relationship and communication dynamics through the lens of Human Design.

For Human Design is the operating plan of you. And, it’s the operating plan for every single person you whom you interact and engage.?

We each have an energetic blueprint that outlines and maps out the unique nuances of how we are wired, how we make decisions, how we interact with the world and others?… essentially “how” we do everything.?

Including how we communicate.?

That’s right, you carry with you an operating plan and blueprint of how you are here to communicate and what you need in your relationships.?

Now, to be honest, we could go really deep into an exploration with all the various nuances that live within your Human Design chart (note there are more than 1,000 points of information).?

For this discussion, I am only going to look at the five archetypes: Manifestors, Generators, Manifesting Generators, Projectors, and Reflectors?… and breakdown the unique way each is designed to communicate and be in relationship.?

Let’s dig into each archetype:

Manifestors in Relationships

If you enter into a relationship with a Manifestor, know that their number one love language is freedom and autonomy.?

Give them lots of space, trust, and honor their power to initiate and take action. By all means, don’t tell them what to do, and do your best not to interrupt their creative flow.?

That being said, they’re also going to need a serious amount of patience and grace as they tend to initiate and forget to inform those who will be affected?… this includes you.?

This will often have you reeling at times as you may not know what they are doing and make assumptions, as a result?… especially in the context of your relationship and how they feel about you or how much they trust you.?

Please note that a Manifestor does not intentionally leave you out of their plans. They just move so fast once that Divine spark hits or the download comes that they often forget a key aspect of their strategy: to inform.?

Manifestors, also by nature, tend to be loners. They don’t actually need anyone to live out their Soul Purpose, they want relationships.?

They carry with them an aura that often repels others.?

It’s only when they decide they want to be with someone that they allow you to penetrate that aura.?

So, a Manifestor really needs to initiate the relationship (whether with a potential partner or even with new projects).?

They have a natural, non-verbal creative flow when they do initiate and they need to stay in that flow while the inspiration is moving. If that flow is disrupted, that creativity pops which feels like a blast of anger.?

This anger is not usually personal, it’s just a matter of them being disrupted or they feel they aren’t moving fast enough.?

Even something as little as probing, “hey, what are you up to?” or “can I help you with anything” will cause them to break their creative flow.?

So, they would do best to inform before they initiate (again a key aspect to their strategy), and you would do best to wait until their creative flow ends.?

You may find yourself having irritation and anger towards your beloved Manifestor when they forget to inform. Again, patience and grace!

A few other things to keep in mind as you deepen your relationship with a Manifestor. First, don’t ask them yes/no questions?… actually, don’t ask them questions at all (to them it feels like you are challenging them).

Phrase your questions more as a pondering or wondering, such as, “I’m curious how you would go about x” or “would love you thoughts on y.”

They love to feel as if their knowledge and wisdom are being tapped into and that you seek their perspective.?

Also, while they need to inform as part of their strategy, they also need to be informed. Please let your Manifestor know what’s up and what you have going on that may affect them or their creative flow.?

Lastly, they need ample downtime. They work in blasts when the spark hits, then need deep cycles of rest afterwards. They’re also here to initiate and start things, but not necessarily complete them.?

Remember, your Manifestor needs autonomy, grace, and lots of patience.?

Generators in Relationships

Being in a relationship with a Generator, especially one who is aligned in their energy, feels like a big warm, inviting hug.

Depending on their individual wiring, they may also bring a lot of nurturing energy to the relationship. Think mama bear love.?

Generators carry the energy to procreate, and are usually very maternal or paternal, as they have consistent access to life force energy.

If you are in a relationship with a Generator, please know that they are here to do work. Now, I am not referring to work such as being busy for the sake of being busy. But rather, they are here to do meaningful work.?

They need work that feels fulfilling and satisfying, and that exhausts their daily allotment of physical and mental energy. Ideally, your Generator should hit their pillow satisfied with the day’s work and sleep like a baby.?

Depending on their wiring, and whether they have additional motor centers defined, the amount of work they need to do could seem like a lot to others, especially those with an undefined Sacral center.?

Generators prefer to have a natural cadence or rhythm to their day.?

Most need to get their bodies moving as soon as they wake up. It’s a like a switch turns on and they have a little hum to them as they move about their day. Once the day’s work is done, they turn the switch off and go to bed.?

If they have a defined Root (or multiple motor centers), your Generator may need a lot of physical activity as they need an outlet to burn off their excess energy. Getting a good sweat going is essential.?

Something you can assist your Generator partner with is helping them get out of their head and dropping into their body. This is particularly critical if they have a defined Head and/or Ajna.?

An aligned response for a Generator comes from their Sacral, it’s a feeling in their gut or sensation they feel in their body. Yes/no questions are ideal to help them tap into that sensation.?

They need reminders sometimes that the truth of their Sacral is often not logical. For many Generators, their yes and no response are actually sounds, such as: “uh huh” or “nah uh.”?

For others, it is merely a feeling of their body contracting when it’s a no, and expanding when it’s yes. They need to trust what their body tells them.?

Generators also are here to master the process of learning. They have what’s called a stair-step learning curve. Meaning, they move through a blast of mastery only to hit a plateau afterwards.?

When they hit this plateau, Generators feel stuck and frustrated.?

One of the gifts you can offer to your Generator is a reminder that their frustration is a sign that momentum is building.?

It’s usually not the time to quit, but instead, to slow down to speed up.

Frustration is a signal to take inventory of the recent blast of mastery they just came through to assess what worked well and what can be dropped.?

It’s a space to prepare for the next blast of mastery.?

They may need to rest, cultivate a new skill, or gain access to resources to help them move into the next phase of their learning.?

This is a great time help them be creative and distract them from work. Often, a little play goes a long way to get those creative juices going again.?

The best thing you can do to truly honor your Generator is get to know their rhythm and cadence. Give them space to do their meaningful work, and help them drop into the truth of their body.?

Take things off their plate they don’t have energy for to free them up to tap into their creativity, magic, and flow.?

Steady and easy is their jam, and joy and delight is their elixir.

Manifesting Generators in Relationships

If you are in a relationship with a Manifesting Generator, you are getting a hybrid of energy, being a Generator type with Manifestor tendencies. You are going to get a mix of things coming at you?… so, buckle up.?

It’s important to know that your Manifesting Generator is actually a Generator with an additional layer of Manifestor energy thrown on top.?

I encourage you to read the two sections above outlining both types, as it will deepen your understanding of your Manifesting Generator partner.?

When it comes to decision-making, your Mani Gen needs to remember that they are a Generator first. Their strategy then is to respond before they take initiative. This can be a challenge for a Manifesting Generator.?

Their full strategy is actually to respond, envision, inform, and then initiate. However, your Mani Gen may feel like they are a Manifestor and try to initiate before going through the right steps.?

This can lead them, and you, frustrated, angry, and irritated. This often creates a great deal of impatience for the Manifesting Generator.?

Slowing down is hard for them. And, as a result, they can find themselves saying yes to the wrong things and then burning out in the aftermath.?

Like the Generator, their response comes from their Sacral and is best prompted through rapid fire yes/no questions. They need to learn to drop into their bodies to listen for what is correct for them before taking action.?

And, if your Mani Gen also has emotional authority, the idea of slowing down and waiting through their emotional wave to make a decision can be excruciating for them. Give them space to feel into the right decisions for them. Because like the Manifestor, you don’t want to tell them what to do.?

Manifesting Generators move fast. Whereas the Generator is like the tortoise in the famous fable, the Mani Gen is most definitely the hare.?

If your Manifesting Generator has multiple motor centers, especially a defined Root, they likely will bring a ton of energy and power with them as part of their design.?

When they get going, they can light up multiple cities and get four months worth of work done in four days. If they have a defined Root, know that they likely will be on or off in their big energy, and when off, getting things done is like moving through quicksand.?

Like the Manifestor, the Mani Gen often forgets to inform due to the speed at which they move once they take action.?

If you’ve ever seen the movie, Mary Poppins and you remember the scene where Admiral Boom sets off the cannon on top of the house and the whole Banks family has to brace themselves and the furniture, this is akin to why the Manifesting Generator needs to inform: to either get you prepared to brace yourself, or to give you time to take cover.?

If they forget to inform, and proceed to light the cannon, they tend to feel a bit like a bull in a china shop, creating angst and distress for everyone.?

The best way you can support your Manifesting Generator is to give them ample autonomy to be in their creative flow (also nonverbal like the Manifestor), take things off their plate they hate to do, and realize you are not meant to keep up with them.?

Also recognize that they are not here to do one thing at a time, and will multitask. Often, their multitasking is a way to burn off extra energy so they can actually focus on the thing that matters.

They will miss steps. This a natural part of their learning, as they are here to bend time and find the faster, most efficient ways to do things.?

And, as a Mani Gen myself, I urge you to not fault them for being a bit restless, as they may need to do something while vegging out or watching a movie. They need a level of busy as their energy is big.?

And, while your Manifesting Generator brings a lot of energy and can feel like a lot at times, they also bring a tremendous amount of passion to the relationship. You will never be bored with your Mani Gen, that’s for sure!

Projectors in Relationships

The biggest thing you need to remember if you have a Projector partner is that they need to feel as if they are seen and heard, and truly recognized.

This can be a huge issue in relationships, as often Projectors are seen as either being needy (especially in terms of words of affirmation), or that they are being bossy or pushy.?

This often results as a symptom of not knowing how to correctly engage with your wise partner. Projectors are sages, seers, and oracles.?

They have an innate knowing and truly can see potential for those they focus their energy on. Meaning, they will see things you can’t, especially if you’re Generator type (have a defined Sacral).

However, in many cases, the right energetic invitation for the Projector to share has not been activated and opened up for them to share that truth.?

Projectors live in a world designed for Generator types.?

They often have a lot of conditioning around needing to operate like a Generator. As such, they might not even know they need to wait to be recognized and for the right energetic invitations to share the beautiful wisdom they carry.?

And, note that I said energetic invitations. It needs to be a real invitation, not just lip service from a place of appeasing them.?

When they do share, it is important that you are supportive of their ideas and value their thoughts and insights.?

Most Projectors also need safe spaces in which to just speak their truth out loud to create their own projection field to hear back what’s right and correct for them. Be sure to offer this sacred space for them.?

Genuine words of affirmation (back to our 5 Love Languages) are really important and needed. The more specific the better.?

When you feel they are being bossy, consider inviting them in to share again. A Projector’s intention is to be helpful and offer advice as they really do see possibilities and powerful ways to create efficiencies.?

I joke that every Generator and Manifesting Generator needs a really juicy Projector in their life to help them draw out their gifts and see around the blind spots and corners they will never be able to see.?

One of the best things you can do for your Projector to deepen trust and the level of your relationships is to ask them for their advice, direction, and guidance?… and, to really listen and appreciate them when they do share.?

Also know that your Projector is not here to work in the traditional sense of the word, and they will need deep cycles of rest (especially if they have a lot of openness in their Centers).?

In fact, you can support your Projector in giving them space to wind down at the end of the day, and unplug fully from technology at least one hour before going to bed.?

They need to discharge the energy they have taken in and amplified throughout the day. Sleep needs to be a priority for them.?

Their need for rest is not laziness, it’s essential.?

Projectors hold the energy template for the world. That can feel like a freakin’ big job (and exhausting) for them to carry all that.

When you want to assist your Projector in making decisions and feeling into what is right for them, ask them open-ended questions and prompt them to share their thoughts out loud.?

Then, intentionally give your Projector partner your undivided attention and energy. Simply hold space to listen without judgement or advice.?

When things get dicey and you feel tension with your Projector, like when they share without the energetic invitation, give them some grace. They are not being bossy or intrusive, they are sharing because they care.?

It would serve you, and your relationship, well to remember that.?

Reflectors in Relationships

Lastly, let’s look at our sweet Reflectors and how they show up in relationships, for their needs are a bit different.?

This is a unique energy where every Center in their chart is open. The only definition lives in specific gates. There is no defined circuitry.?

Your Reflector partner will need a lot of space without pressure to make decisions quickly, and to discharge the build-up of others’ energy.?

They need to be loved for who they are without your need or desire to try and change them. Let them be who they are?… no ifs, ands, or buts.?

Reflectors have a vital role to play in humanity as they reflect or mirror back the wellbeing of a community, organization, or the collective.?

As such, they need a lot of downtime.?

Also, understand that they may need you more energetically than you need them. Provide a safe space for them to reflect, and just listen.?

Be mindful that the right environments and people are essential for their own wellbeing. Reflectors can find themselves enmeshed in other people’s energies and stories, or take in the toxicity of an environment, otherwise.?

As their partner, one of the best ways you can support them is to encourage your Reflector to discharge energy build-up and implement daily energy discharge and clearing practices into their routine.?

Know that you will see you own truth reflected in them. This can be jarring at first when you begin a relationship. You will see your own potential.

Let them be who they are without expecting them to be anything else.?

Relationships by?Design

As you can plainly see, each of the five archetypes need different things to feel seen, supported, and safe in their relationships and connections.?

We each have a language unique to that archetype.?

This is only one layer of what we need to understand as we engage with others, and as we create deeper, more intimate connections with partners.?

By first exploring your own chart and contemplating your needs in a relationship, then you can take into account your partner’s design.?

From there, you can actually look at the connection or composite energy between your charts. These relationship charts map out natural synergies and potential conflict themes.?

Imagine the power and magic of accessing that insight could do to strengthen and deepen your partnership, your connection, and the level of intimacy you established between you.?

Understanding and honoring these unique energetic blueprints in our relationships is like learning to dance with a partner?… each person moves to their own rhythm, yet together they create something beautiful.?

In recognizing that a Manifestor partner needs space to create, a Generator partner needs meaningful work to feel fulfilled, a Manifesting Generator partner needs freedom to move at their own pace, a Projector partner needs to be truly seen and heard, and a Reflector partner needs time to process and reflect, we open ourselves up to deeper levels of connection.?

This awareness transforms our relationships from simple interactions into sacred spaces where both partners can thrive authentically.

By embracing your partner’s unique design: their natural rhythm, their decision-making process, and their energetic needs, you give them the greatest gift of all: the freedom to be exactly who they are.?

In that authentic space, true intimacy can flourish.?

Remember, it’s not about changing who you or your partner are, per se, but rather about creating deeper understanding and honoring the nuances and complexities that makes each one of you unique.

For, it’s in our relationships that we are able to grow, heal, and evolve.?

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