Giving ‘those’ feelings a name: ‘Ambiguous Loss’ in the Workplace

While there is certainly a sense of collective fatigue in relation to the ongoing COVID-19 conversation, the reality is it’s one we need to keep having. There are few places on the planet that haven’t felt the effects of the pandemic. While some are more obvious than others (illness, death, job losses, economic and social impacts), there seem to be universally shared feelings; a collective grief around what was, what is and what might be, across all aspects of our lives.

In terms of understanding these feelings in a professional context, we can look to the work of Pauline Boss who, in 1999, coined the psychological term, ambiguous loss, which focuses on the lack of resolution that often surrounds events where no direct cause and effect can be identified. The loss can be categorised as either physical or psychological, or both.

Some everyday examples of ambiguous loss might include Alzheimer’s disease, whereby we effectively lose our loved one to the disease emotionally and psychologically, but not physically. Or some have even likened ambiguous loss to having teenagers versus smaller children – they're physically present, but not connected or as engaged as they were when younger. The loss is palpable, but not necessarily physical.

Right now, this sense of loss is both universal and cumulative. It’s not the same for everyone, as individual circumstances are exactly that – individual. But regardless of where you are in the world, there IS a grief, a stage of mourning for the loss of the way we lived and took for granted.

2020 saw us simultaneously working online, watching and consuming news, educating children, and staying connected to family and friends. We were also missing birthday parties, moving wedding dates sometimes two or three times and cancelling holidays. Days started to feel ‘same, same’. We were working and living with our partners or living alone not seeing another soul in person all day. A trip to the supermarket became a highlight. We’re still worrying if we can pay our rent, mortgage or loans with no idea what will come next. Everything seems so out of our control.

We have lost our normal, whatever that means to every one of us, as ambiguous as that sounds.

We are not used to, nor programmed to live with, such omnipresent yet intangible and collective grief. And because it affects us personally, it naturally carries over to our professional lives. So, what does this mean for the future of work?

For those of us who were able to work from home it has meant a total blurring of lines between personal and work personas. While it was relatively easy to shift our meetings from a boardroom table to a Zoom call, life continued around us. It started with a glimpse into the home of our colleagues, clients and customers and was soon followed by kids walking into an important meeting to show the CEO a picture they had just painted, a ‘COVID puppy’ purchased to help provide a distraction in difficult times barking from under the table as the postman delivers an online order to the front door. Not to mention the challenge of home-schooling. It was these distractions that once would have been considered unprofessional that are now accepted as part of the new working from home norm. Even Friday night office drinks moved online. Things we never considered became an important way to keep connected (and sane). It showed all of us in a new light and some may argue, it helped to break down barriers of hierarchy and form new working relationships.

Now that remote working has been in place for a good part of this year, many are starting to wonder if we should continue to do so, if not full time, at least part of the time. The strong focus on the local has been considered by many a positive to have come out of the pandemic. More time with family at the start and end of the day, more flexibility to get things done within the home without dropping the ball on work tasks are just some of the things that have been welcomed by many. So, while some have viewed 2020 through the veil of loss, there are many who have witnesses a rebirth.

There is little doubt that work plays a huge part in the way many of us define ourselves and even define those around us. It is one the first questions many of us are asked when we meet new people – ‘so, Joe what do you do with yourself?’ With the government’s introduction of the term ‘essential worker’ many of us started to view ourselves and others in new ways. While doctors, nurses and teachers have always been viewed playing a vital role in society, suddenly, we were thanking the people working at the Coles checkout for continuing to work through such tough times. The IT guy in the office became the person to know because without him you couldn’t set up remote calls. The psychologist taking calls from people never previously affected by mental health issues. A whole group of workers from across different industries became more ‘important’ and busier than ever before.

For those in other areas however, we saw an enormous amount of loss. The list of industries impacted seemed endless. The news each night provided bleak images of long unemployment and predictions of national recessions. As lockdown laws become more and more stringent, flights were cancelled and restaurants closed their doors, staff were let go. But it wasn’t long before people began to pivot - reshaping careers and reframing aspirations in the short and long term.

As people began to work from home, the demand for telecommunications services went up. Through March and April Telstra added 3,500 more roles to its temporary workforce employing people from all sorts of customer service backgrounds. It was a win-win for so many at the peak of lockdown.

Former Qantas staff took up positions in aged care facilities drawing on their customer care skills and adding their own style. One former member of cabin crew started role playing air travel with residents bringing back fond memories of years gone by. These are examples of people who have lost, but then managed to find a way forward during the darkest of times. In other industries however, the ability to pivot has seen a birth of a new revenue streams.

Melbourne-based chef, Shane Delia launched what became a game changer in home dining – Providoor. Bringing you the best restaurants that Melbourne has to offer straight to your door. It was an initiative that kept many employed when restaurants shut but has continued even now that the industry is up and running (albeit with strict guidelines that must be adhered to). Whether Delia will continue Providoor into the future only time will tell, but what it did was open our eyes to something new and exciting during a time when, quite frankly, things couldn’t have been worse for the hospitality industry.

The dichotomy of ambiguous loss during the pandemic is a complex and interesting one, with the journey and its outcomes deeply rooted in the ability to pivot quickly and ride the wave of emotions successfully.

As many of us start to enjoy new freedoms it will be interesting to see if we take the lessons learned or if we block the challenges from our minds and try to recoup what we have lost.

Will employers seize the opportunity to provide flexible working options or will they close the door quickly and tightly?

As 2021 progresses, what will the working year bring and what mindset will you take with you?

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