Giving Ourselves Permissions - To Look Younger and More...

“Maa’m, How have you grown younger over the years?”

Here’s the context:

Yesterday, we had a wonderful meet of the women in IIM network.

For me, I had the extra heartwarming experience of running into so many of my ex-students. I have been teaching at IIMB since 2010, so that's now 15 beautiful cohorts that I have taught over the years.

I did not remember all the names, but I could recollect most of the faces, and smiles!

As I chatted with my ex-students at various points during the meet, one question that seemed to come up again and again was some variant of the question - “Maa’m how have you grown younger over the years?”

I had no answer to give them, since I haven't really done anything very different physically over the years. In fact I was more diligent with my yoga and exercise and diet at that time than I am now.?

I used to play a solid hour of full court basketball games with students in their twenties then. I don't even play anymore now, leave alone run.?

So it is a puzzle for me as well.?

What made it a bigger puzzle is that just recently, a participant in my online career alchemy program also told me something similar. She mentioned that I look much younger in my more recent videos than in my earlier videos series. She specifically pointed out one that I had recorded 12 years ago, and said, ‘you had wrinkles in your forehead in those videos’.

More evidence to puzzle over!?

But then I had an aha breakthrough awareness as I woke up this morning! My ‘looking younger’ is not so much about my biological age but more about my own mental permission to allow myself to ‘look younger’.

You see, when I had first started teaching, I was ‘needy inside to be accepted by my students’. I quite desperately wanted them to ‘see me as an intellectual, knowledgeable person’. And in my head I had a certain image of how intellectual and knowledgeable professors should look.

So as I tried to fit into that mould of ‘Intellectual Prof’? - clothes, expressions, forehead wrinkles - and many other things were being orchestrated by choices and behaviours that were guided subconsciously by my mind - all resultantly making me look older.?

I grew up in an era where ‘youthful prettiness’ and ‘intellectual mastery’ were treated as opposite ends of an imaginary spectrum. If you had to belong to one end, you had to differentiate yourself from the other end. This sometimes made me judge or disown the other to justify (even in my own mind) about where I truly belonged.?

I now see all of these as just mental models, as stereotypes, as images we create (or others create in our subconscious mind). Over the years I have been choosing to let go of many of such mental models that did not work for me. See my earlier post on this topic related to mental models that constrain women leaders here -?https://www.dhirubhai.net/feed/update/urn:li:activity:7178072346992214016/

So, my looking pretty or looking youthful today, has actually nothing to do with any specific physical beauty regime I follow, but everything to do with the inner permissions that I have given myself over the years.?

And that's why the wrinkles also disappeared! :-)....along with some other biological changes as well. You see, my body also listens to the same subconscious permissions given by my mind.?

So which dysfunctional (or outdated) mental models are you willing to let go of?

In any area of your life???

If you are curious about letting go of the ones that limit you in your work and career, look up the curriculum of my six month career alchemy program. Reframing these internal limiting mental models is a key ingredient of the inside-out career crafting process I teach.?

Here are some examples of the subconscious permissions that I have facilitated participants giving themselves over the last 15 years of my work in coaching and conducting career crafting programs.?

It is not categorized in any order yet, and I have picked out 50 permissions that I think you will find most relatable (or common).

I have been compiling this list for a book to be written someday. The book will come in its own time (with more detailed how-to’s), but in the spirit of the ‘permissions theme’ of my aha moment of ‘permission to look young’, I felt like putting this list out today.

The reason I am so passionate about inner work (like the journey of giving ourselves internal permissions) is that it unlocks huge possibilities in our outer experience. When a part of our own minds is holding us captive through our subconscious mental models and conditioning, then we are ourselves holding our potential and progress back - but without realizing it.?

Even if you don't sign up for my career alchemy program, you can still work with this list using your own chosen method of inner work or with your existing inner work coach (if you have one).?

So which of these permissions do you feel inspired to give yourself today?

1. Permission to enjoy your work
2. Permission to pursue work that aligns with your values
3. Permission to play to & leverage your unique strengths (AND quirks)
4. Permission to define success on your own terms
5. Permission to take ownership of your career?
6. Permission to pursue your dreams and set ambitious goals
7. Permission to be your authentic self at work
8. Permission to have fun as you work - and with your co-workers, colleagues, bosses, students etc etc.
9. Permission to make money doing what you love
10. Permission to receive abundant money in exchange for your service
11. Permission to make more money than your spouse / father / older sibling / mentor / best friend etc.
12. Permission to be successful
13. Permission to say no
14. Permission to be disliked
15. Permission to be judged by others (if they need to)
16. Permission to fail
17. Permission to make mistakes and learn from them
18. Permission to try risky things
19. Permission to be famous
20. Permission to be seen, known, and heard
21. Permission to voice your authentic views
22. Permission to adopt your signature style at work, in leadership, in sales, in negotiations etc.
23. Permission to have power
24. Permission to prioritize self-care
25. Permission to set boundaries
26. Permission to ask for help
27. Permission to seek mentorship and guidance
28. Permission to delegate tasks
29. Permission to negotiate for what you deserve
30. Permission to take breaks when needed
31. Permission to invest in your professional development
32. Permission to pursue ‘unrelated leads’ or explore ‘crazy ideas’
33. Permission to explore new opportunities
34. Permission to move on or change tracks (even when you are successful)?
35. Permission to celebrate achievements, big or small
36. Permission to trust your instincts
37. Permission to speak up for yourself
38. Permission to disconnect from work outside of office hours
39. Permission to forgive yourself for past mistakes
40. Permission to let go of toxic relationships or environments
41. Permission to take risks in pursuit of growth
42. Permission to pivot or change directions (without justification)
43. Permission to take credit for your contributions
44. Permission to advocate for yourself and others
45. Permission to challenge the status quo
46. Permission to be imperfect
47. Permission to prioritize your well-being (physica, mental, emotional, spiritual)
48. Permission to celebrate others' successes (without comparison)
49. Permission to celebrate your accomplishments (without fear of envy)
50. Permission to be kind to yourself during challenging times

If you would like me to facilitate you on your career crafting journey and help you re-invent your relationship with work you can find out more about my 6 month career alchemy program here - https://craftingourlives.com/career-alchemy/