Giving Grace in Our Expectations

Today at a glance:

• Understanding the disparity in resources and opportunities among individuals.
• How our expectations of others can be influenced by our own experiences and resources.
• Recognizing and appreciating our journey and progress.

One of the best ways to get good at something is to teach it to others.

This has never been clearer to me than in my recent experience teaching graphic design to a group of colleagues. It has been a rewarding experience, but it has also come with its challenges.

I’ve learned that while I might think I am a good teacher in my head, reality sometimes tells a different story.

As their teacher, I’ve had to use their systems occasionally, which has been a frustrating experience. Why? Because their systems are slow. Too slow for my liking.

Imagine clicking the file explorer icon right after turning on the computer and waiting five minutes for it to respond. Opening Chrome or trying to install design software was a hassle.

This was not like my system. Mine was faster—switch it on, click on any app, and it opens in seconds. No hassle, no long waiting.

So it was frustrating to wonder why someone would use such a slow system.

The Other Perspective

However, while dealing with their slow systems, I couldn’t help but remember when I used a system like that.

Yes, I had once been that person with a slow computer, wishing for something better and now I had it.

This moment made me grateful for the resources I have now, but it also sparked a deeper thought.

Why do we expect others to meet our expectations when they haven’t had the same experiences or resources that we have had?

Why don’t we give grace to someone’s current situation, especially when that situation mirrors our past struggles?

This reflection brought me to a critical realization: the problem wasn’t just about the machines—it was about our different resources and experiences, influenced by what psychologists call egocentric bias.

Egocentric Bias

The Egocentric bias is the tendency to rely heavily on one’s perspective and experiences when evaluating others.

Because of this bias, it’s easy to forget that not everyone has had the same experiences or access to resources. We often expect others to perform at the same level as ourselves, overlooking the unique challenges they may face.

Impact of Resource Differences

I had forgotten the struggles I once faced and expected my students to meet my standards, even though they didn’t have the same resources or experiences.

This issue extends beyond just computers. It reflects a broader tendency in life to judge others based on our circumstances:

• A person who frequently travels might look down on those who haven't left their hometown, not considering financial constraints or personal responsibilities.
• A professional who lands a prestigious job right out of the university might judge peers still searching for jobs or working in entry-level positions, not considering differences in opportunities, networks, or career paths.
• Someone who regularly attends religious services might judge peers who don't, without understanding their personal beliefs, family dynamics, or past experiences with religion.

Doing this in any sphere of life hinders our growth by closing off opportunities to learn from others' diverse experiences and perspectives.

Also, It creates barriers to deep, meaningful connections, as we fail to appreciate and empathize with others' unique journeys.

Giving Grace and Patience

So, what’s the takeaway?

We need to offer grace to others, understanding that their current struggles might have been ours in the past.

We all have different stories, different conditions, and different resources.

Some years ago, I would look at people who had what I now possess and wish for the same.

Today, I have those things, and I’m sure some people look at my current situation and wish for it.

And just like them, I am looking at a different set of people as a benchmark

It’s crucial to remember that everyone is on their unique journey.

The student struggling with a slow laptop today might be the professional with a high-speed system tomorrow.

Just as I was once in their shoes, they will one day be in a better position.

This perspective fosters patience and empathy, not just in teaching but in all areas of life.

Just as we’ve benefited from the resources and opportunities we now have, we can help others along their way by understanding and supporting their unique paths.

Only then can we can remove our bias and be more compassionate to others.

Like Dalai Lama said: "Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive."

One thing to try this week

Reflect on your own experiences and consider:

Are you expecting too much from someone whose circumstances you once shared?

Can you offer more patience and understanding to those who are currently where you once were?

Use this insight to take the first step towards a more compassionate and understanding approach to interactions with these persons.

Then tell me about it.

I'm rooting for you

Remember, you’ve got this.

Till next time,

Salud.

In Case You Missed It:

Last week, I wrote about The 4 Stages of Competence where we look at:

• Understanding the 4 Stages of Competence and how they apply to skill acquisition.
• Learning how compounding effort leads to mastery and makes actions look effortless.