Giving feedback sucks.

The problem with feedback assessments and exit interviews.

Should I tell the truth, even though it is unflattering, with the full intent of revealing my professional assessment to benefit the organization and reveal insights that might not be transparent to decision-makers, and in doing so, hurt the feelings of others, and potentially commit political suicide?

OR

Should I lie to keep everyone content and to keep the career and network door open in the future to benefit myself?

To be fair, there is also a third option where I can choose to moderate my feedback and tell half-truths with the hope the reader picks up on the underlying subtext.

Either way, the decision is a gamble. It's uncomfortable, and it makes everyone uneasy. Perhaps that is why most people don't ask in the first place.

We sit and think, should I jeopardize my integrity or my career? Will my intentions be misread as cruel and deceitful? Or perhaps out of line?

Decisions. Decisions.

The Dilemma

I've been thinking about this dilemma for years. I've had first-hand experience with it throughout my career, I've observed how others tackle and think through the issue, and I've also seen a few articles that stirred my mind.

This piece below, in particular, lives rent-free in my head.

https://www.businessinsider.com/you-shouldnt-be-honest-in-exit-interviews-2014-4

In the article, the case is made that even if you are honest, HR and company leadership often won't do much with the feedback they receive. They don't pass it along, and no organizational changes are made.

With that in mind, you have nothing to gain and potentially a lot to lose, depending on what you say. You can burn bridges, and your exit can really be a "goodbye" instead of "see you later."

Giving feedback and professional assessments shouldn't be seen as an opportunity to list every grievance, real or imaginary, or to hurt others, but where should the line be?

If you say something true but unfortunate, another person might have less integrity and seek to damage your reputation when given an opportunity. For example, when a recruiter calls them seeking back-channel references years later, they can lie about you. Or perhaps they can become unhinged and even reach out to your new employer or manager to slander you.

Depending on how well you communicate and back up your assessment, your words can even result in you being seen as a liar or coming off sounding bitter and looking to give one last jab on the way out.

What's a professional to do?

Based on my experiences, conversations I've had, and my reflection on the issue, here's what I think is the best approach to providing honest yet critical feedback.

Principles to Keep in Mind

Be Factual & Sincere

When providing critical feedback, the first point to avoid adverse outcomes is to keep any information shared fact-based and supported by examples and evidence. Hearsay, opinions, and gossip should not be in the picture.

State how you feel about the issue objectively. While doing so, pay attention to your tone of voice and body language so that the person not only hears your sincerity but feels it too. It's also not a bad idea to write your feedback, let it sit for a while, and then come back to it with a fresh perspective at another time. If there are sensitive subjects, it is also wise to talk through and share the intended message with trusted friends and seek their input on your statement and delivery.

Balance the Positive and Negative

No matter the situation where feedback is requested, there are usually some positive things worth mentioning. By adding positive feedback, you can gain credibility, build trust in your assessment, and reduce the chance it will be read as a Poison Pen piece.

When feedback is critical, it is also worth thinking through different ways to express a thought.

Stating "John should be walked out back of the building and shot" may not win many fans.

However, saying something more along the lines of "John has positive intentions, but his delivery often rubs people the wrong way and causes more harm than good."

I'll also suggest avoiding serving a feedback sandwich to the assessor- where you arrange feedback in the order of Positive, Negative, Positive. This ineffective performance management technique often causes the recipient to focus solely on their accolades, and constructive criticism can get lost in the shuffle.

Keep it Constructive

Constructive feedback creates positive change focuses explicitly on providing feedback that comes from a place of clear good intentions. If the recipient knows you seek to help, you'll be better received and able to avoid misinterpretation.

Provide a summary

There should be supporting details to make your case like any excellent report, but at the top should be a clear and concise summary articulating your point. Keeping it no longer than one or two sentences will make your feedback more memorable and allow the assessor not to misinterpret the overall message.

It Doesn't Hurt to Ask

The final piece I'll add here is that it is wise to ask the assessor what sort of feedback they seek and in what format?

After processing your thoughts and drafting your feedback, it's worthwhile to reach out and say something like:

Hi,

Thank you for seeking my feedback on X. After careful consideration, I have concluded there are several critical pieces of feedback based on my experiences and interactions with X I think could benefit the organization that others may not be aware of.

Would you like me to share my honest and frank assessment, or should I tone down the message to be less critical?

It is good to seek input from several people before hitting send on anything in the working world. Explain your case verbally and do what is right by your conscience if you think your advice can help solve a challenge to benefit others.

Conclusion

Sharing critical feedback is an uncomfortable process. Whether you are asked to share your assessment as a part of your job or on the way out the door, the process and output should be carefully considered.

By acknowledging the feedback process is painful and applying mindfulness to it, we can improve the outcomes of our statements. Great feedback is factual, balanced, constructive, crafted towards the assessment seeker's needs, and includes a concise summary.?

Thank you Tom & Sumit for our conversations