Giving Feedback to Foster Growth

When I am delivering training on high pressure communication, conflict resolution and navigating difficult conversations, I often hear attendees talk about this discomfort providing people with feedback, especially constructive / developmental feedback. That inspired me to do a LinkedIn Audio on this topic, you can listen to the recording here .

Giving feedback to inspire growth is rooted in a growth mindset which is about acknowledging our skills and abilities can be improved through ongoing practice and continued skill development.

?We want to make sure when providing someone with feedback that we are always balancing constructive feedback with positive feedback and reinforcement. Over the years I've had the opportunity to train more than 500,000 people around the world on communication, including feedback and conflict resolution. I often hear from employees that it can often feel like the only feedback they get is constructive feedback and its only provided when there's a problem, when a mistake has happened, when something has gone sideways.

?Think of a time that someone provided you with feedback and it was delivered in a way that was respectful, clear, congruent, maintained your esteem and where you felt like a participant in the conversation.

One vital element of growth related feedback is about being specific, and if you have the luxury of time on your side, I strongly recommend you practice these conversations in front of a mirror on your own first.

What does that look like?

Well, it looks like writing down some point form notes for yourself about the feedback you want to, or need to share with that other person. Then actually practicing the words, the delivery of that feedback in front of a mirror. The reason I suggest practicing in front of a mirror is, it gives you an opportunity to work through some of the emotions that you may have attached to the feedback or the situation (or person) that you're not even aware of. You'll see that in your face you'll see that in your body language, your nonverbals, the other benefit that's happening for you.

As you practice this 5, 10 or 15 times you're also building your confidence, and you're establishing more clarity in how you will deliver this message for real with the person.

It is also important to ensure that when we are giving feedback, especially developmental or growth feedback, that we are showing up in an emotionally regulated manner. If you are dysregulated or feeling emotionally charged or stressed, this will impact the delivery of your feedback, and how the person receives the message.

As an example, lets say you have just come out of another difficult conversation. You are likely somewhat preoccupied with that conversation and are dealing with the emotions from that earlier conversation. If that's the moment we pick to give somebody constructive feedback, all of that emotion from the earlier conversation comes into this feedback dialogue if you don't take time to regain compare and regulation. I talk more about this in the audio recording, you can listen here .

Setting the conversation up to be psychologically safe is an important first step. My Creating Safe Meeting Environments audio shares some helpful tips on setting meetings and conversations up this way.

As you look towards your next opportunity to provide someone with growth and developmental feedback, here are a few tips:

• Ensure you are emotionally regulated and prepared
• Take time to write down what it is you want to say in the conversation, and practice that in front of a mirror
• Choose the right time and place for the conversation
• Ensure in the delivery of feedback you are checking for understanding, and, engaging the person in the dialogue. Avoid the scenario where constructive feedback becomes a monologue or one way conversation.
• Think in advance of an example you can share to help provide context.
• After the discussion ends, ensure that you schedule a check in to touch base.