Giving Feedback - Agar Main Kahoon

Lessons from a Training and a Song

I want to talk about two things happened earlier this week. One, I did a training on LinkedIn Learning. The training was on Delivering Employee Feedback.?

Later that evening, as I scrolled through the suggestions on YouTube, I came to a video from a Channel I follow, where two Americans were reacting to the song Agar Main Kahoon, from the Bollywood movie Lakshya. It is an enjoyable song and I didn’t think much else about it, except that the Americans enjoyed the song for, more or less, the same reasons that I did - Hrithik, Preity and the banter they exchange.

Later that evening, as I was running through my thoughts for the day, the two things came together for me. It was compelling enough for me to consider to put it into this blogpost.?

I realised that the song was wholly, completely,?absolutely, dedicated to teaching the masses about how NOT to give feedback.?

Think about it. In the song, Hrithik’s character is trying to propose to Preity Zinta’s character and the proposal falls flat. He asks for feedback on his choice of words to which she bluntly responds that it’d been better if he would have been more poetic and not so explicit in his proposal.?

He then tries?to take the advice to heart and brings his poetic skills to play comparing her features to the flowers, the fireflies and the moon (sounds so much better in Hindi). She in turn throws each of them out of the window. She even ends up physically slapping him (in her defence, it was an accident). He finally gives up, complaining that she can never be pleased. In response she just says that where there is true love, no expression is necessary. That is clearly not a solution to the problem that she herself had pointed out.?

In the face of such brutal feedback any poor soul would end up like Hrithik’s character singing “Main Aisa Kyun Hoon”.?

Effective Feedback

So what is a good way of delivering effective feedback. There are a lot of misconceptions about what feedback is and we need to be clear about them to make sure that we are delivering and receiving effective feedback.?

Feedback is an ongoing conversation. It has to be specific and actionable. Being as descriptive as possible will turn the feedback discussion into a coaching session.?

Giving feedback is an opportunity to help another person become a better version of themselves. It is the expression of a commitment to help. It is an opportunity for the two people involved to either forge or strengthen a relationship.?

To the recipient, receiving feedback is an opportunity to learn a different way, and often, a better way of doing something. It gives them the comfort that the leader sees them, knows them, and believes in them. Feedback given the right way will increase the self worth of the recipient and not denigrate them.?

Feedback isn’t criticism. It isn’t a laundry list of mistakes to be fixed. It is an empathetic suggestion born out of personal experience, offered with an open heart, and does not bind the recipient into acting and doing things a certain way.?

There are many ways of delivering effective feedback. All of which require a connection between the giver and the recipient. That connection is beyond language. When that connection exists, feedback can be conveyed even with a simple glance and a smile, or a blink and a nod, or perhaps with a pat on the back. No words needed.

So having said all that, my advice for Preity Zinta’s character to respond to Hrithik’s character is as follows:

Simply smile, open your arms and say “I love you too!!!”