IF NOT GIVEN, TAKE IT!

Chioma looked around, hot tears rolled down her cheeks. She had come to the programme with no expectation, or what would she had expected from a programme she got to know about from one of her social media platform, and the convener is someone she knew nothing of aside the bio that was well written on her profile. She had attended because she really needed to get out of the house; her relationship with Brian is getting worse by the day. She knew his other women would be willing to step in and take good care of him within the hours she would be gone for and knowing Brian, he is going to make sure she saw bit and pieces of evidence of his promiscuity. He had told her few years ago that she was as useless as her childless state. Brian had not taken the news of her "never would be able to have a child" report well. He, at first, found solace in drinking, then keeping late nights, and now, frolicking with women of different shapes and sizes. Chioma had cried to her mother months later but she was told to go back, endure and "keep her home." “Africans do not divorce,” her mother had said emphasising that it is the disease Africans got from the whites. Moreover, she would only bring shame and ridicule to her family and thereby making it difficult for her unmarried sisters find suitable suitors. So, Chioma had returned to "endure and keep her home", even when she was gradually losing it.

Her HR had invited her for the second time within two months to complain about the recent decline in her productivity two weeks ago and this time, she strongly suggested that she took some time off work and takes good care of her mental health, an offer she gladly took.

Been at home made her had some lazy time for the social media and her reason for been here today.

Chioma had thought she was the only one "with a problem"; she was of the opinion that no one could bare the pains she bore, but now, she just realized that her pain was "one out of many”.

She envied the strength of these women especially the last speaker; she looked at her again and noticed she was still smiling brightly as she answered the questions posed by other women. Chioma sighed. No one would ever guess the pain she hid behind the bright smile. Initially, Chioma was of the impression that the lady was here to listen to others and learn from them not knowing her life story is a book full of bad experiences.

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Kate, that was the name she introduced herself with, was born into a family of four girls and a boy. She narrated that her father had told her mother that the girls were her responsibility while he is solely responsible to the male child who will be the pillar and the family’s future. Kate’s mother at first thought it was a joke but was devastated when the truth dawned on her. She had resigned from her work because of two valid reasons; first, her work place was in another state, second, she needed quality time to nurse her children and her husband had supported her since he gave the suggestion, little did she knew she would suffer for it.

Kate said she remembered her mother had begged her father countless times but he would not bulge, he had specifically told her training a girl child was a waste of resources. Kate’s mother had to start making hair in front of their apartment but hell was let loose the day Kate’s father found out, he?banned her from engaging in such profession and she had to stop. She took the little money she had been able to save and start selling provision in the same location, but she hid it away from him.

Kate said she and her sisters was her ally, they hid the goods safely in the store and attend to customers whenever their father was around and their mother had to attend to his every needs. By the time Kate was in high school, she had started hawking goods around the environment. She and her sisters did this until she wrote her senior secondary school examination which she passed with flying colours.

Kate narrated how her mother wept the day she received her daughter’s result, she did not know how to break the news to her daughter that that was how far she would have to go since help was not coming from anyone. Kate said the night her mother found the courage to tell her, in the presence of her sisters, they wept like they were bereaved. A week after, Kate said she gathered the courage and went to show her father her result. Her father had looked at the result and placed it on the stool in front of him and continued reading his newspaper with no congratulations, no words of encouragement, NOTHING!

That night, Kate said she purposed in her heart to make it at all cost. She would show her father that a girl child is just as important as the boy child. She told her mother she would love to start selling provisions like her, since she already had some years of experience. She took some goods on loan from the kind provision seller who sells to wholesalers and she in turn sells, and then she paid for the goods after selling and save her profit.

Kate did this for two years and was able to obtain her JAMB form. She passed and was given an admission to study accountancy in one of the federal university. She exhausted her money after paying her acceptance fees and school fees. She begged one of her course mate to allow her stay with her and the course mate who later became her best friend allowed her after listening to her plight.

Kate had no choice; she had to combine buying and selling with school work. She sells to anyone who was willing to buy. Most of the time, she had to eat off her friends, and they too were well compensated during the preparation for their examination because Kate always organize tutorials classes for them and others in preparation for each semester’s examination.

Kate’s dilemma increased when she became an object of interest to one of her lecturers who asked that she sleep with him or he will do everything in his power to make her life in the campus miserable. Thinking it was just an empty threat, since she was a brilliant student, a fact known to everyone, Kate said she had ignored him.

During the second semester examination in her third year, the said lecturer was in charge of Examination supervision of one of her papers. Few minutes after the commencement of the paper, he picked up a wrapped paper and saw that it was an examination malpractice chip; he insisted that it belonged to Kate and filled a malpractice form for her. Everyone was surprised because they all knew Kate will never engage in such an act, they joined her in begging but he turned a deaf ear. When Kate went to knee before him and beg, he whispered to her that if she agreed and oblige his request, he would shred the paper. Kate said she stood and left.

Kate said she was invited to a panel and after proper investigation, it was concluded by the panel that she was not guilty but she had to write the examination again since she had not written much before she was sent out during the examination. Indeed, the lecturer made true his threat. Till today, Kate said she never found out how the examination malpractice chip got beside her.

After graduation and the completion of the compulsory one year youth service, Kate recounted that she got lucky, she was recruited and employed by ABCG Bank and she began her career struggle. She worked her ass off to get recognised by the bank. She relinquished so many enjoyments and had no social life but lived a boring life of work and nothing else. Still, as she goes up the ladder, the rumour started, that she was sleeping her way up the ladder. At first, she was disturbed by the news but later, Kate said she had to turn a deaf ear. Even when people are of the opinion that a career woman could not have a happy home, she had proved them wrong. She made sure she was actively involved in the life of her child and create as much family time as her schedule can accommodate, that was all thanks to her supportive husband and her carefully planned schedules. She became a successful career woman and home keeper (with the help of the domestic staff).

Kate said her day of glory came the day her father came to her branch to make a transaction, she was about to step into her car to leave for a meeting when she spotted her father as he walked into the bank building. She was surprised and went over and knelt to greet her father and all eyes were on her as the security officials were all surprised at how the branch manager would give such courtesy to anyone and the customers too would not understand the need for such in such formal environment. She took the form from her father and took him to her office, he sat and everyone was coming in to greet and attend to his every need as the news had travelled like wild fire. He saw, first hand, the power her daughter hold.

Kate said as her father looked at her, his eyes with regrets, he stood to prostrate and begged for her forgiveness but she quickly held him. He sat and apologizes to her. Kate said she wept as she heard these words from her father:

“Kate, my daughter, please, forgive me. I was wrong! Forgetting times are changing, I did exactly what my father did to my sisters, but unlike them who only proved my father right, you and your sisters refused to be subjected. You have proven that times have changed and that a girl child, if given equal opportunity, can excel as much as a boy child. But you did much more, you and your sisters were not given equal opportunities with your brother, yet, you broke through all bias and excelled. You are the true definition of strong, resilient and powerful. Thank you for not proving me right. Thanks to your mother who saw the best of you when I was blind to it,” he apologized.

Kate round off the discussion by encouraging every woman present to stay true to their dreams, that today, she is a happy person because she had lived for her dreams and achieved them. She did not allow anyone dictate her future, which was her decision to make, the only voice that had mattered was hers. Failure did not mean discouragement to her; it meant that she needs to find other ways to achieve her goals.

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Chioma looked around and saw women, who did not allow themselves to be limited. Women whose crime was their gender; Women who were not allowed to hold administrative positions because they were females; Women whose careers were sabotage by men who feel threatened by their competence. But one thing was peculiar to all of them, they were determined about their life’s goals and went ahead to achieve them against all odds. Everything they became was born out of consistency, determination, persistent and refusing to take “NO” from anyone. Nothing was given, it was taken. She knew she have to be one of these women. She already knew exactly what to do.

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Few months after the programme, her lawyer served Brian a divorce letter. African or Whites, she did not want to know where it started from but she is going to make being a happy woman her priority. At first, Brian thought it was a joke, where would she go. Knowing her parents well, they would never consent to such, more so, the society have a name tag for divorced women, a name tag Chioma would not be willing to have, but when she packed out of their apartment during one of his escapades out of the state, and he tried her line but it was not connecting, Brian became worried. He went looking for her but Chioma had not disclosed her location to anyone. Brian went looking for her at her office but was told she had resigned. Frustrated, he went looking for her at her parents’ apartment, a house he had not visited in years, but they were not cooperative, knowing what their daughter had suffered in his hands.

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Months later, on the day they were to appear in court, Brian saw Chioma again. His heart skipped. She was looking so radiant. She was not a shadow of herself, the way she was while they were married. A miserable Chioma was what he was expecting to see but reverse was the case. When he could not take it any longer, he went over to her and apologized but she looked at him unperturbed. Brian could not believe Chioma could have been able to live without him, but not only was she living without him, she was living well.

After the court session, Brian stalked her home. He began to go over and plead that she returns back to him, promising to be the good husband he ought to be.

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A year later, Brian and Chioma went to an adoption centre to bring home the child they had adopted. Brian did not stop apologizing to Chioma for all the heartbreaks he had caused her.

Chioma in turn would not stop appreciating the organizer of the programme which created the platform for her to meet women like Kate and many more who break the bias.

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