Give Yourself Some Slack: The Pitfalls of Rigourous Self-Discipline

Consider this scenario: You have had a long day at work, and all you want to do is relax and unwind by watching your favorite show on Netflix. However, you had previously committed to working on your side project in the evening. This is where self-discipline comes into play. In theory, it would help you resist the temptation to veer off course and stick to your original plan. However, the dangers of excessive self-discipline come to light in situations like this. Sacrificing our immediate desires for the sake of strict self-discipline can lead to negative outcomes such as depression, anxiety, and burnout. In contrast to common belief, unwavering self-discipline is not the key to success; rather, it can lead to these adverse effects. The path to resilience and growth lies in cultivating self-compassion.

The desire for greater self-discipline is prevalent in many individuals, with studies showing that 97% of people wish for greater conscientiousness and the ability to carry out responsibilities with more consistency and care. This longing for more self-discipline and grit is often fueled by the belief that these traits are essential for success and personal advancement. However, recent and accumulating research challenges the assumption that strict self-discipline is the sole or even the best path to achieving these goals. Studies have begun to reveal that excessive self-discipline can lead to negative consequences such as increased stress, anxiety, and even burnout. While self-discipline is important for achieving goals, an excessive focus on strict control and restraint may lead to detrimental effects on mental and emotional wellbeing. This growing body of research suggests that a more balanced approach, which also includes self-compassion and an understanding of one's needs, is crucial for maintaining overall wellbeing while striving for personal and professional growth.

Navigating the Think Line Between Self-Discipline or Self Punishment

Individuals within the startup industry are accustomed to practicing extreme self-discipline. Recent research conducted at Swinburne University of Technology in Melbourne has revealed that the unwavering commitment to relentless self-discipline among entrepreneurs has significant repercussions on their mental wellbeing. This dedication often leads to signs of clinical obsession, distress, and anxiety as they habitually immerse themselves in startup mode, often pushing themselves to the point of physical strain. It's important to note that the adverse effects of self-discipline are not exclusive to entrepreneurs; anyone can be susceptible to the detrimental impacts of overexertion. For instance, among individuals suffering from eating disorders, there exists a notable correlation between anorexia nervosa and high levels of self-control. Research indicates that individuals with anorexia often exert excessive self-control to suppress food-related needs and desires in their relentless pursuit of thinness. Left untreated, this disorder can be fatal, with a mortality rate of up to 20%.

In Hong Kong's work culture, the perception that working long hours reflects dedication and self-discipline to prioritize work over personal life is deeply entrenched. Employees often feel compelled to demonstrate extreme self-discipline, sacrificing their work-life balance to prove their commitment to their jobs. This example vividly illustrates the potential pitfalls of excessive self-discipline within the workplace. The prevalent emphasis on extended working hours and the prioritization of work over personal well-being can lead to heightened stress, increased burnout, and a decline in mental health. It underscores the need to reevaluate the traditional notion that unwavering self-discipline in the workplace is the primary indicator of success and commitment. This example highlights the necessity of embracing a more balanced approach, one that recognizes self-compassion and the importance of personal well-being as integral components of a healthy and sustainable work culture, challenging prevailing beliefs about the relationship between self-discipline and workplace dedication.

Similarly, in high-pressure academic settings, students often feel compelled to prioritize academic performance and rigorous schedules over their personal well-being. This emphasis on self-discipline can lead to increased stress and anxiety, potentially resulting in burnout. Students may struggle to maintain a healthy work-life balance, impacting their mental and emotional well-being. Over time, this unrelenting focus on self-discipline can contribute to heightened levels of stress, anxiety, and in some cases, depression among students. Encouraging a balanced approach that values self-compassion and prioritizes mental and emotional well-being is crucial in addressing the adverse effects of excessive self-discipline in academic environments.

The Power of Inner Dialogue

Many people, including self-help experts and successful business leaders, often talk about the importance of self-discipline for success. But sometimes, trying to control our actions and thoughts can make us feel really down and overwhelmed, and it can even affect our mental health. So, is self-discipline always a bad thing? It's not a simple yes or no answer. It really depends on how we treat ourselves and talk to ourselves.

We all have these little conversations in our heads all day long. The important thing to think about is: are these conversations kind or critical? When we try to manage our thoughts and feelings, we usually do it in one of two ways: either we're kind to ourselves or we're really hard on ourselves. Here are a couple of examples to think about:

Critical thought: "If I fail, I'm a total failure."

Kind thought: "Everyone makes mistakes. What can I learn from this?"

Critical thought: "I'm not good enough. I need to change who I am."

Kind thought: "I'm okay just as I am. I'm human and I'll take care of myself."

Critical thought: "I'll never be as successful as them. I should just give up."

Kind thought: "Everyone's journey is different. I can learn from their success and focus on my own progress."

Critical thought: "I can't handle this. I'm not strong enough."

Kind thought: "This is tough, but I've overcome challenges before. I can take it one step at a time."

If your inner voice is often critical, it's time to stop and think about it. Being too hard on ourselves can really wear us down. It can make it hard to get things done and even affect our bodies, causing health problems and making us age faster. By recognising and adjusting our internal dialogue, we can nurture a more compassionate and supportive relationship with ourselves, fostering resilience and a healthier approach to self-discipline.

Self-compassion is the key to sustainable success

Transitioning from self-discipline to self-compassion marks a pivotal shift in our mental landscape. Research underscores the profound impact of self-compassion, linking it to heightened feelings of happiness, optimism, curiosity, and connectedness, while concurrently decreasing anxiety, depression, rumination, and fear of failure. Yet, embracing self-compassion can be daunting for many. The fear of veering into self-indulgence often holds individuals back. This misconception stems from the belief that self-criticism acts as a necessary guide. However, the reality is quite the opposite. Studies tracking individuals striving to achieve diverse goals revealed a compelling trend: those who exhibited higher self-criticism experienced slower progress and were less likely to attain their objectives. In contrast, those adept at nurturing self-compassion were more inclined to learn from mistakes, pursue sustainable goals, and ultimately find fulfillment. Choosing self-compassion doesn't breed laziness; instead, it fosters a deeper understanding of oneself, the setting of realistic goals, and the cultivation of a harmonious mindset.

Self-compassion serves as a powerful motivator. Just as you ensure your children don't consume excessive amounts of ice cream out of care, self-compassion prompts you to prioritise what's beneficial for your wellbeing over what may be detrimental. This essential component is often overlooked in the equation of self-discipline. Excessive self-control devoid of profound self-love can lead to compromised mental health. Rather than perpetuating the emphasis on stringent self-discipline, let's shift our focus towards speaking kindly to ourselves and tending to our mental and physical wellbeing. Contrary to popular belief, this approach not only leads to a happier existence but also fosters sustainable success.