Give yourself permission to change

There is something to be said for commitment to a goal. But what happens when that commitment consumes your sense of self?

When we find direction towards a particular result, it can become the thing we center our lives around. It becomes this all-encompassing entity that drives absolutely every action we make.

Becoming immersed in this singular focal point or goal, can be both powerful and limiting. The drive to succeed at all costs reinforces the falsehood that there is only one path to realize your dreams.?

When we invest into a narrow idea of how success should be born, it blocks out our energetic connection to flow. We end up missing other paths, other opportunities for growth when attempting to walk this impossibly straight line.

Decolonizing the idea of success

Are you open to the idea that your goal may evolve into something beyond what you originally imagined?

Performance-driven professional spaces cultivate a ‘no matter what’ mentality. The expectations to attain very specific results at whatever cost are completely counterintuitive to how we are meant to exist. Women of Color end up sacrificing the most of themselves to show their commitment to the team.

Even when leaving these spaces, women self-impose these ways of being into their own goal-seeking journey. Entrepreneurial culture isn’t much different from corporate culture, when it comes down to it. We trade 9-5 jobs for a 12+ hour day, disregarding the signs our body presents that how we work is unsustainable too. Hustle culture breeds unrealistic expectations for us to move at a breakneck pace. Unethical marketing techniques and highly manicured online presences are just the same internalized colonization we’ve been socialized to buy into.

As a culture, we’ve cut ourselves off from our internal wisdom. When achievement comes at the cost of autonomy, that’s a sign you’re forcing something you’re not meant to be doing.

How can you know if you are in a pattern of linear beliefs about success?

• Refusing to accept help. Believing you can and should do it alone is a damaging belief that prevents us from sharing fully in the abundance that is our birthright. Finding the strength to change invites you to find those you can rely on. Community is intrinsic to growth, expansion, and healing.
• Not centering self-care. If you aren’t caring for your body, mind & spirit, it's likely you’ll end up in a cycle of burnout. You’ll be unable to sustain the successes you do achieve. Being mindful of your energy, your nervous system, and what cycle of life you’re in will allow you to show up in a more balanced way.
• Mimicking traits learned in the corporate space. Are you making the same kinds of demands of yourself or others that you received from a toxic boss or co-worker? Unlearning colonized ways of being with our work means being gentle and finding the space of allowing. You’ll benefit from incorporating practices that disrupt these ways of thinking when you notice them come up.
• Beating yourself up. If you don’t meet your expectations, are you punishing yourself? Be conscious of your self talk and the ways you’re potentially setting yourself up for (perceived) failure. Trust and believe, it will not be the end of the world if you need to shift things around to match the messages from higher self.
• Not having boundaries. Create structure for your work life and be diligent about keeping it. We’re often the first to cross our own boundaries, which opens us up to others doing the same. It is important to identify what you value in order to shape the ways you allow access to yourself. Equally important is the ability to say no to things that don’t align.
• Being overly rigid. Having a firm idea of what you want is not a bad thing. But the universe doesn’t necessarily hear your stipulations. Being in a state of asking and receiving will present many potential paths for your dream to be realized. Embody the energy of allowing the answers to present themselves, while using your boundaries and your ‘no’ to identify which path you’re aligned with.

Allow yourself to accept what is

It is hard to let go of certain ideas and beliefs when they are no longer serving us – even if they are coming at our own expense. In The Parable of the Sower, Octavia Butler writes, “Drowning people sometimes die fighting their rescuers.”?

Are you drowning in an idea of what you should be, what should happen? What would happen if you made space for what is instead?

There are only so many hours in a day, and a finite amount of energy we can expend before needing rest. If your relationship to time is broken, you’ll keep running into the same problems of how you relate to yourself and others. Cultivate compassion for yourself and acknowledge you are one person, who is meant to accept the support of others – one of those others being the ancestral wisdom in your body.

Take time to be with the quiet voices of your spirit. Let yourself embody the knowing that you discover, allow it to take root. Your higher self has already given you the permission to change, it’s now your opportunity to listen and follow through.

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On March 23rd, I’ll be facilitating a workshop for women, Reshape Your Relationship with Time, Urgency and Exhaustion. Learn more and register here.

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