Give Yourself the Gift of Self-Compassion this Valentine’s Day

As Valentine’s Day approaches, it’s important for us to check in with ourselves. This complicated day can bring up all sorts of complex emotions and expectations. Can you give yourself the gift of self-compassion this Valentine’s Day?

As women, we are usually pretty good at showing love and compassion to others. When our best friend is grieving a loss and hurls angry words at us, we can understand it’s not personal, and we give her grace. When our kids lash out and misbehave because they’re tired or hungry, we take a deep breath and extend grace because we can see how they’re struggling. It does not diminish our love for them.

But do you show that same kind of grace to yourself? Most of us aren’t great at self-compassion— loving and extending grace toward ourselves when we fail, suffer, or feel inadequate— even when we’re more than happy to do it for others.

However, research shows that it promotes your health, relationships, confidence, and ability to bounce back after difficult times. This may be the missing link in our personal growth journeys for most of us.

So, let’s talk a bit about how you can start extending love to yourself with self-compassion:

Write Yourself a Letter This suggestion comes from researchers and authors Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer, who have spent the better part of their professional lives studying the art of self-compassion.

Pretend you have a friend who is struggling with your very same struggle. If you were to write her an encouraging letter, what would you say? Write down everything you can think of. Put the letter away for a day or two, then take it out and re-address it to yourself. Read through the letter as if a friend had written it to encourage you.

Ask Yourself Questions Rather Than Criticizing

It’s easy to get stuck in unproductive criticisms like, “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I get anything right?” But we don’t have to stay there. Instead, change your criticisms to more reflective questions to help you move forward:

·???????? What did I do right?

·???????? What is joyful in my life right now?

·???????? What can I learn from this experience?

·???????? How can I respond differently instead of being so critical of myself?

For more tips on reframing questions, be sure to check out the book Change Your Questions, Change Your Life by Marilee Adams.

Give Yourself a Hug.

Lastly, I bring you a tip that a friend recently told me about—our bodies do not know who is giving them a hug. Maybe our minds can tell the difference between a hug from a friend and a hug from ourselves, but our bodies don’t appear to care where the hug comes from— a hug is a hug, physiologically speaking! My friend swears by the comfort she receives from simply hugging herself.

If hugging yourself seems a bit too silly, try hugging a pillow. Pressing a soft pillow against your front can feel almost as soothing as a real hug!

Are You Ready to Show Some Self-Compassion?

Valentine’s Day is the perfect time of the year to extend grace to yourself. Instead of focusing on what you’re missing this season, what if you give yourself a break, treat yourself with kindness, and use it as an opportunity to grow?

What other ways have you navigated this tricky season? I’d love to hear if any of these tips are helpful for you!

Warmly,

Georgia Shaffer

P.S. If you’d like to work with a coach as you work to overcome difficult habits, you can find out more information at www.GeorgiaShaffer.com/coaching/

Scripture:

?“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience” (Colossians 3:12, NIV).

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