Give thousand chances to your enemy to become your friend

Wow, from enemy to friend is a 360 degrees turn around for anyone whom you hated for long time suddenly becomes your best pal ever. Has it happened to you too? Here are some tips how do we do it. First things first, do the most difficult thing imaginable—listen! Most people don’t feel heard, especially during a disagreement.

In life usually when two parties feel the other has wronged them there is this sense of an injury both parties feel is an unresolved injustice. Often both parties argue and debate fiercely to try to convince the other of the injustice committed and the need for atonement. But neither party is really listening at this point. They’re just talking over each other or just waiting for their turn to talk.

I have never persuaded someone to accept my position by arguing with them. However, since most people and especially those who feel they’ve been injured by another—don’t feel heard, listening is a very effective (and countercultural) strategy for turning an enemy into a friend. Honestly listening to another person’s grievance helps them feel validated. Also, listening to understand and not to convert demonstrates that you honestly value a person’s perspective, even if you disagree with them. From this place of mutuality even bitter enemies can become friends and yes, friends who still often disagree.

Of course I know, offer to help your enemy is one you are asking a lot to do. But it really works. It works because it’s completely a googly of a kind and disarms your enemy out of the blue. When there is an enemy in your life you waste precious energy thinking negative thoughts or plotting revenge or scheming some sort of creative vigilantism to get back at them. Often our enemies are really projecting their own traumas onto us. In other words, often the root of our enemies’ contempt for us is their unresolved pain and baggage that they take out on us.

Taking time to discern those areas where our enemies are struggling and maybe finances, relationship troubles, self-hate, childhood traumas, etc. or whatever and offering to help will disarm them. In my experience, my enemies found this behavior so counterintuitive that they think of an immediate imbalance like they needed to repay the kindness I would shown them and and they eagerly sought ways to invest positively in my life. Try it. It will work on those enemies who are not completely evil.

The most difficult part of patching up is 'apologise'. No, please I am not even talking about owning your enemy’s bad behavior towards you. Your enemy is accountable for their actions and so are you. All of us make mistakes, right?. All of us have behaved badly toward someone at some point. But often our pride prevents us from admitting our own bad behavior toward others and especially when the person involved is someone we consider an enemy.

However, accepting responsibility for our bad behaviors toward others is a critical first step in turning an enemy into a friend. When you find yourself with a constant enemy in your life ask yourself where you have behaved badly toward them and if you have behaved badly toward them and then apologise for your behavior. Even if your enemy does not apologize immediately for their bad behavior your humility will plant seeds that in time have great potential to yield an extraordinary harvest of reconciliation.

The theory works in practice in such cases only on one of the core ideas of CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) is that “our thoughts become our words, our words become our actions, our actions become our character, our character becomes our destiny”, in the words of Mahatma Gandhi. Stay blessed! #kishoreshintre #possessedbywritingspirit