Give Them Something REAL To Talk About

Too often my greatest accomplishments and deepest sentiments have been judged or dismissed. And, no matter how often it’s happened, I’m surprised by it.

I believe, that my surprise comes from their response being so distant from my reality.

While my intent is consistent: to be my best. The response is of me being bad, wrong, or intentionally hurtful to them. And, as a result, an unfortunate parallel and parallelizing truth is amplified. A part of me believes they’re right.

I must be bad, wrong and hurtful, if people feel this way around my life choices and direction. I feel annihilated and embarrassed to be me!

When consulting therapists and friends over the years about this sensitivity, I’m met with, “you SHOULDN’T feel that way. They’re jealous… they’re resentful… they’re scared.” But, why THEY are the way they are, doesn’t remedy MY reaction, of being the cause of their cut-me-off, shut-me-out ways.

? In my childhood, I had to grin a bare parental annihilation until the summer after high school, when I could run away as fast as I could.

? In my sister’s passing, I had to create distance with family members who insisted I didn’t love her, because I hadn’t visited through the Covid years.

? In my friendships, I’ve had to, at times, silently withdraw myself from the confusion of their belligerence toward my good will.

There’s a darkness to this dynamic that I just don’t want in my life. It’s joyless.

So, I run!

Now this annihilating darkness is asking me to stay.

My boyfriend’s daughter is poking-the-bear, as they say. I’ve assumed the role of the “wicked step-mother,” while doing nothing wicked. To run would mean annihilating my relationship with my lover.

Unless I can rise above this sensitivity, it’s a him or me situation!

While I believe that here are times one needs to extricate oneself from dark influences, to protect one’s own light. I also see that there are times one needs to stand up to dark influences, and project one’s own light.

I don’t believe that means condoning poor behaviour or accepting what’s unfair and unjust. Taking the high-road requires boundaries that protect our self-respect.

But what I’m beginning to understand is, the JOY that is behind our intentions, is the light that can vanquish the darkness. Not the darkness that lives in them, but the darkness that has infected us.

If my light dims, or goes out, then I’ll be just like them. The annihilator!

Under the details of each situation, it is my joy the annihilator tries to steal. When my joy threatens others, I need not be sorry that I imposed myself. But instead, I can feel sorry that they can’t meet me in it.

When we’re threatened, we make a lot of noise about it. We talk about it, cry about it, get angry about it… we become the darkness. Might JOY be the answer to preserving the light… our light.

Let’s give them something REAL to talk about… unbridled fearless JOY. And, transform embarrassment into gratitude for being joy-full. Perhaps, with time, light can ingest darkness. Just as darkness has infected light.