Give the monkey what it?wants!

We all are surrounded by monkeys bossing us around with their monkey chatter, going about their monkey business at the expense of our toils. Still, there is an age-old trick to master this miserable monkey-human relationship.

Who is the?monkey?

The monkey is anyone who holds authority, power and designation. This monkey is someone you need approval from, who is giving you a hard time. It could be your interviewer, asking you questions that pinch (e.g. that time gap on your résumé) or your examiner, who is asking you the questions no one studies, or worse your manager, poised like a snake, waiting for you to commit a mistake so that they get a legit reason to bite.

Remember, any monkey that you meet and want to get by, has few attributes. To simplify, these monkeys that we encounter will usually be self-centred beings who have performed a repetitive task every day and no longer value the excellence and dedication of their task performing humans.

To master communicating with the monkey, you need to speak and perform the way that the monkey likes and to do that you need to understand what the monkey thinks.

What does the monkey?think?

The monkey has a fixed mindset, they like to have things done their way. Monkey See, Monkey Do. They learn to do things by mimicry and often do not know the reason and logic behind the act so, what if you start mimicking the monkey’s style and flair?

The monkey may or may not possess any academic

prowess but being so long out into the field, the monkey does have practical wisdom. This wisdom gained over the years is difficult to beat in a one-on-one confrontation and gives birth to certain biases and stereotypes inside the monkey’s head eg. that interviewer is not looking for your flaws, rather looking for an apt problem solver with the desired qualifications for that job, that examiner is probing and prodding you to see if you can come up with any good answers to his non-important questions, that manager of yours is observing you and creating that aura of dread because it is simply his management style to get things done. If you observe closely all our monkeys are trying to help their human out theoretically but instead end up being more of a pain.

What does the monkey?want?

Simple question, even simpler answer, say it with me- the monkey wants the BANANA. So, what is this BANANA?

The Banana in this article is not the fruit, although it would be nice if we could get solutions to our life problems at 0.80C$/lb. The Banana is the key to getting past the monkey, you give the monkey what it wants and go on with your life without the monkey bothering you.

What is the?BANANA?

In reality, every monkey you encounter is different, hence the same is true for the banana. The banana in every scenario changes according to the needs of the monkey. To identify the perfect banana you need to understand the trifactorial of the monkey i.e. NEEDS, WANTS AND DEMANDS.

For example, for the interviewer, a need is a candidate, a want is a candidate with desired credentials and demand is to have all above with 5+ years of experience for an entry-level job. But for the examiner, a need is an answer, a want is a correct answer of desired length and demand is to have all the above with an example that checks all boxes in a limited time. Similarly, for the manager, a need is money to run the business, a want is a profit and demand is to have experienced staff to work at a menial wage that in turn contributes to profit.

How to give the?banana?

Firstly, understand the business at hand. Why do you want to use the banana and what is the outcome you want. Once that is established, make your move. Remember, Agreement yields better results than arguments. Play the monkey by using the monkey’s preset notions, bias, like and dislike to tilt the arguments in your favour. Once the level field is uneven the monkey feels inclined to fall for the banana and leaves you alone. For example, the banana for the interviewer could be some excellent references on top of the required credentials. The banana for the examiner could be an outstanding answer which is different from other students. Similarly, the banana for the manager could be increasing revenue and customer satisfaction by exceptional services.

Evolution of the?Monkey:

Now, the banana can only be used against a monkey that is a physical entity i.e. the monkey that you can see and deceive but over time, the evolution in communication and technology has transformed the monkey from a physical to a non-physical entity. So instead of the monkey being the problem maker (person), the monkey has become the problem.

Where Is the?Monkey?

Let’s imagine that you are in a new office. You see your new boss and he asks you for ideas to make the new employees feel welcome. As you do not have the necessary resources and means to answer right away, you ask for some time to send in the draft. If you do not send it in time, whose back is the monkey on?

Take an extension as an example of the above. You get an initial draft ready and send it the same day, the boss receives it but doesn’t find the time to go through the draft as it is the closing month. He shelves the draft for a later day and time. When you meet him again, you remind him to suggest some edits on that draft. As the boss did not reply in time, whose back is the monkey on? Now the boss replies curtly “Thank you for bringing it up. I’m late for a meeting, let me think about it, and we will circle back on this later.”

Let us analyze what just happened. Before the two of you met, on whose back was the “monkey”? Yours. After the boss went to that meeting, on whose back was it? The boss.

Getting Rid of the?Monkeys

The boss returns to the office and sees his employees are waiting outside his office waiting to see him about their monkeys. He calls them in one by one. The purpose of seeing the employees is to take a monkey, place it on the desk between them, and figure out together how to take care of that monkey. For example, certain monkeys will require some time to be cared for while others can either be dismissed or shot dead on sight.

The Care and Feeding of?Monkeys

1. Monkeys should be fed or?shot:

Otherwise, they will starve to death, and you will waste valuable time on postmortems or attempted resurrections.

2. The monkey population should be kept bare?minimum:

The more the monkeys, the more people are required to tackle them. The more you have to hunt down starving monkeys and feed them without a system in place.

3. Make time for Gorillas:

Well the monkeys can always be taken care of, worse, can be shot down if become unmanageable but to deal with the Gorillas you need time and extra care as they are bigger and much stronger.

Lastly, remember monkeys are monkeys, no matter how evolved they are, they always fall for bananas. The only key is to identify the best banana for the situation at hand and make the most of the moment you overcome a boisterous and raucous monkey. Godspeed!!