Give Better Feedback

We previously covered what you should do when you receive feedback.? This week, let’s focus on giving.

If you polled an audience and asked if they prefer to give or receive feedback, it'd be smart to predict that the majority of them would rather receive it.? That’s because giving feedback to others can be uncomfortable and intimidating.

You may not want them to be mad at you or you may fear you will hurt their feelings.? In these situations, it’s important to remember that the only way to be kind to someone is to tell them the truth.?

By withholding meaningful feedback, you are doing a disservice to both them and your relationship.

So how do you give better feedback?? Try these five steps:

1.??????? Choose the forum:

In this era of keyboard warriors, people often feel they can hide behind their computer monitor while spewing all sorts of opinions and thoughts.?

But when giving meaningful feedback, you should evaluate the right time and place to share this information. Is this a conversation that should happen by email, slack message, phone call or even face-to-face??

There are three factors that will play into what channel you choose to deliver your message:

• Sensitivity - Is it going to be a difficult conversation that should happen in person or at least video so that you can connect in a more intimate/human way? You can always send an email recap of what you discussed in case you also need to have it documented for performance purposes.
• Location – Are they local where you can meet in person or does it have to be virtual? Should this feedback be shared in a one-on-one setting or is it okay to discuss amongst the team?
• Urgency – Is this a situation where information needs to be shared quickly to recover or correct behavior immediately? If so, a quick phone call may be the best and quickest way to reach them. Or would it be more appropriate to wait until you have scheduled time together in the coming days/weeks?

2.??????? Ask Permission

Just because you have feedback, doesn’t always mean someone is ready to receive it. ?This suggestion is to let them know that when they are ready, you would like to talk to them about a particular instance or an observation that you’ve made.

This allows the person to prepare themselves to receive feedback and also makes sure you don’t catch them at a stressful time when they won’t be in the right frame of mind to fully receive what you are saying.?

3.??????? State what you observe & explain the impact with specifics

By sticking to facts and specific examples, you take emotion and personal opinions out of the equation. Unlike the example we saw last week of my colleague receiving unhelpful feedback on her appearance, you should be sure that what you are about to share is actionable and not just a personal opinion.

To help you start your feedback, consider using some phrases like…

“I’ve noticed when… you are presenting that you tend to say ‘right?’ frequently. One example was in yesterday’s operations meeting.? This could possibly be distracting from the message you were trying to get across to the team. ?I just wanted to make you aware of it and also am here if you ever want to practice before giving an update on a future call.”

?OR

“You’ve done great job managing this project AND it’d be even better if… you included a broader view of how your results will impact our clients and overall business objectives.”

By using AND instead of BUT in a sentence, it allows both ideas of positive and constructive criticism to exist in your conversation.? And the more specific examples you can give will let them see a pattern of their behavior so they know it’s not just a one-off occurrence.

4.??????? Pause

Once you’ve given your feedback, you do not need to fill the silence.? Let the person process what you’ve said, and you can even offer to take a break and come back together later to finish your conversation when they are ready.

This will help them think through why you are giving this feedback in the first place and reflect on what they want to do with it. They may even have some questions or ask for clarification as they work through what they will do with this new information.

5.??????? Suggest next steps

Not all feedback requires additional actions from you, but it’s usually a good idea to offer solutions when you are bringing up a problem.? Sometimes it’s hard to know another way of doing something until someone suggests an approach you hadn’t thought of yet. ?

By recommending follow-on actions, it shows that you are there to help them improve and that you want them to succeed.?

Caring is sharing.

Now that you have this five step guide to give meaningful feedback, the best thing you can do next is put it into practice. Once you start giving others the gift of feedback, they are more likely to share their own experiences and feedback with you, too. And that's a win-win in my book.

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