The Gifts of Confidence

"We are embodied sparks of the divine pulled forward by our longing and pushed back by our limits" Sandra Parker

Introduction

How often have you or a colleague said things like "I'm not good at creative stuff" or "I can't do presentations"? These statements often reveal a lack of confidence, whether in familiar situations or facing new challenges.

But it doesn't have to be this way. Remember when you were five years old, fearless in exploring the world? As we grow, our confidence can be shaped by experiences that either nurture or diminish it. For instance, in high school, I thrived among my classmates and won debating competitions, but stumbled nervously in a large oratory competition. It took years of practice, especially in weekly business meetings, to conquer my fear of public speaking.

In this article, we explore the nature of confidence and its vital role in living a fulfilling, joyful and serendipitous life.

We'll discuss how confidence impacts productivity, influences others positively through emotional contagion, and examine strategies to overcome fears of inadequacy and failure. Join us as we uncover practical techniques and insights to cultivate lasting confidence in both familiar and new challenges.

Understanding Self-Confidence

Self-confidence is more than just a belief in one's abilities; it's a steadfast assurance that empowers individuals to navigate challenges, pursue goals, and inspire others through resilience and conviction. Importantly, it waxes and wanes from time to time.

Confidence in Different Contexts

Individual Context: In personal settings, self-confidence empowers individuals to assert themselves, make decisions, and pursue aspirations. It serves as an inner strength that fosters personal growth, resilience in setbacks, and the courage to step outside comfort zones.

For instance, I was unsure of my ability to lead a project due to being new to the role. Through deliberate practice and mentorship, I cultivated the confidence to assert my ideas and guide the project team to success.

Manager or Leader Context: As a manager or leader, confidence becomes pivotal. It fuels decisive action, inspires trust, and fosters a positive team dynamic. Confident leaders like my colleague Sam not only articulates a compelling vision but also embody it through their demeanor and actions. Their confidence in navigating challenges and fostering innovation sets the tone for organisational strength, resilience and achievement.

Rising to the Occasion

Whether as an individual overcoming personal obstacles or a leader guiding a team through change, self-confidence is transformative. It influences emotional contagion, shaping the morale and performance of those around them. By embracing uncertainty with assurance and resilience, individuals and leaders alike can harness confidence to inspire others and achieve collective success.

Reader Exercise:

Take a moment to reflect on a recent challenge where your confidence played a role:

• What specific actions did you take to build or maintain confidence in that situation?
• How did your confidence impact the outcome and those around you?
• Identify one area where you can apply lessons from your experience to enhance your confidence moving forward.

Overcoming Fears

Fear and self-doubt often hinder our ability to cultivate and maintain confidence. Yet, overcoming these obstacles is essential for personal growth and success in both familiar and unfamiliar terrains.

Navigating Transitions: Consider Alex, who faced uncertainty when transitioning to a new industry. Despite initial doubts about lacking relevant experience, Alex researched the industry, sought mentorship and actively engaged in learning opportunities. Over time, Alex's confidence grew as he applied new skills and adapted to challenges, eventually thriving in his new role.

Creative Pursuits: Take Emily, an aspiring writer who struggled with self-criticism and fear of rejection. Through consistent practice and embracing vulnerability, Emily gradually built confidence in her voice and storytelling abilities. This enabled her to share her work confidently and connect with an audience.

Building Resilience

Learning from Setbacks: Resilience often emerges from learning and adapting in the face of adversity. (Sandra Parker in "Embracing Unrest"). Each setback becomes a stepping stone for growth, reinforcing the belief in one's capabilities and capacity to overcome challenges.

Support Networks: Whether through mentors, peers, or supportive communities, the encouragement and guidance from others play a crucial role in bolstering confidence by providing psychological safety. These relationships provide valuable feedback, encouragement, and perspective, nurturing confidence during times of doubt.

Reader Exercise:

Reflect on a recent challenge where fear or self-doubt affected your confidence:

• What were the specific fears or doubts you faced?
• How did you navigate through them? What strategies did you use?
• Consider seeking support or mentorship to further build resilience and confidence in similar situations.

Developing Resilient Confidence

Building resilient confidence involves integrating strategies that enhance self-belief and adaptability.

Visualization and Body Language

Utilise power posing (stand tall with feet apart to balance), and visualisation techniques to enhance self-assurance before important tasks or presentations. Imagine yourself succeeding and embodying confidence in challenging situations. Use these power posing techniques before client meetings. By adopting expansive postures, you feel more assertive and capable, positively impacting your projection.

According to Dr. Stephen Porges, author of "Polyvagal Theory", 'Deep breathing and certain breathwork techniques can activate the parasympathetic nervous system, promoting calmness and reducing anxiety.' Example - breath in on a count of four, hold momentarily and breath out on a count of eight. Do this several times to calm down.

Practice and Feedback

Apply principles of self-efficacy through deliberate practice, seeking feedback from teachers, mentors or peers.

Mark, an aspiring musician, applied Albert Bandura's principles of self-efficacy. Through deliberate practice and mentorship, Mark built confidence in his musical abilities, motivating him to pursue his passion with resilience.

Embrace Growth Mindset

Adopt ongoing deliberate practice to view setbacks as opportunities for growth. Cultivate a mindset that values effort and resilience, enabling continuous improvement and confidence development.

Emily, a software developer, viewed setbacks as opportunities for learning, continuously developing skills and earning recognition for her contributions.

Integrate Mindfulness Practices

Integrate mindfulness practices into daily routines. Practise meditation or deep breathing exercises to foster mental clarity, emotional resilience, and equanimity in navigating challenges.

Jason, a corporate leader, used meditation which helped him maintain mental clarity during negotiations, demonstrating confident leadership and decision-making under pressure.

Reader Exercise:

Reflect on a recent challenge where you felt challenged or lacked confidence:

• Choose one strategy from above that resonates with your challenge.
• Apply this strategy in a similar scenario to boost your confidence and effectiveness.
• Reflect on how this strategy influenced your mindset and approach.
• Identify one specific action you can take to integrate this strategy into your regular routine to enhance long-term confidence and resilience.

The Broader Impact of Confidence

Confidence transcends individual resilience, influencing decision-making, relationships, and overall well-being. However, its effectiveness hinges on adaptability, self-awareness, and a balanced perspective.

Impact on Decision-Making and Adaptability

Confidence empowers individuals to make decisive choices, navigating uncertainties with clarity and conviction. Yet, the ability to adapt to changing circumstances is equally crucial. Sarah, a seasoned leader, exemplifies this balance by confidently guiding her team while remaining flexible to market shifts and evolving priorities.

Enhancing Relationships and Self-Awareness

Confidence fosters trust and strengthens interpersonal connections by promoting openness and effective communication. However, self-awareness plays a pivotal role in maintaining humility and understanding personal limitations. Emily's journey underscores how acknowledging strengths and weaknesses cultivates genuine relationships and fosters continuous growth.

Contributing to Well-Being and Resilience

Beyond career and life success, confidence contributes to overall well-being by reducing stress and fostering resilience. Jason's disciplined approach to mindfulness highlights how confidence enhances mental clarity and emotional stability, enabling effective leadership even in challenging circumstances. Resilience, rooted in self-awareness and adaptability, ensures individuals thrive despite setbacks or health challenges.

Risks of Overconfidence and Importance of Humility

While confidence is empowering, overconfidence can lead to risks such as arrogance and hubris. Recognising the fine line between confidence and overestimation is essential for sustainable success.

Humility, coupled with a willingness to seek feedback and learn from others, mitigates blind spots and promotes continuous improvement. Leaders like Sarah exemplify humility by valuing diverse perspectives and embracing constructive criticism to refine their decision-making.

Reader Exercise:

Reflect on a recent experience where confidence played a role in decision-making or relationships:

• How did your level of confidence influence your adaptability to changing circumstances or personal health challenges?
• Consider one area of your life - career, relationships, or personal growth - where you can enhance self-awareness and resilience.
• Identify one actionable step you can take to cultivate humility and seek constructive feedback to foster continuous growth and balanced confidence.

Conclusion: Embracing the Gifts of Confidence

Confidence is not merely a trait but a transformative force that empowers individuals to navigate greater challenges, inspire others, and achieve personal and professional fulfillment. It serves as a catalyst for decisive action, fosters resilience in the face of adversity, and enhances relationships through open communication and trust.

However, the journey to confidence is nuanced—it requires adaptability to changing circumstances, ongoing self-awareness to navigate limitations, and humility to embrace continuous growth.

As we reflect on the insights from our colleagues and leaders around us, we recognise that confidence thrives when grounded in authenticity and tempered with humility.

Overcoming self-doubt and cultivating resilience are ongoing processes that shape not only our success but also our well-being. By embracing the gifts of confidence - adaptability, resilience, and self-awareness - we unlock our potential to lead with clarity, inspire with conviction, and thrive with purpose.

Let us continue to nurture our confidence, learn from setbacks, and seek opportunities for growth, knowing that true confidence emerges from our courage to embrace bigger challenges and evolve with resilience.

Thank you

Frank Choy

Sydney, 30 June 2024

Recommended reading:

Confidence:

"Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges" by Amy Cuddy

"You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life" by Jen Sincero (seriously funny)

"The Confidence Gap: A Guide to Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt" by Russ Harris

Resilience:

"Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy" by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant

"Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance" by Angela Duckworth

"Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead" by Brené Brown

Self-Awareness:

"Mindset: The New Psychology of Success" by Carol S. Dweck

"Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life" by Susan David

"Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha" by Tara Brach

Adaptability:

"Grit to Great: How Perseverance, Passion, and Pluck Take You from Ordinary to Extraordinary" by Linda Kaplan Thaler and Robin Koval

"Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life" by Susan David

Personal Growth:

"The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are" by Brené Brown