The Gift of Wishes

A couple of times this week, as we prepare for the holidays coming, people have assumed my holidays would be crazy with stress and difficult family members. By no means did I say anything to lead to that conclusion and it couldn't be further from "my truth."

Maybe that's because I look forward to seeing the people I love and even the ones that are more difficult than others. Maybe it's because I don't view the travel as painful and crazy because I am looking forward to what is at the other end of the trip. Or, maybe I don't stress over the 10 extra pounds I gain from the holiday parties and pending New Year's Resolution to take all back off.

It's all a matter of perspective and purpose.

Which brings me to my gift to you. It's early I know but it's about giving the gift when you need it the most, not when the cultural or holiday rules dictate. For those that know me well, know that I get great joy out of finding ways to bend (ignore) the rules of others (explained more below).

Before I give you my gift, I have one over-arching question, "How is the game of life going for you?"

If you sit back and truly take a look back at what you have done, the lives you've impacted, and where you are now, are you happy on a regular basis? Have you focused on being efficient with your time and actions, so they were done right OR were you effective at doing the right things with your time and actions?

Do you have regrets? Do you have any "should haves?"

Here are the top 10 regrets of the dying. Are you experiencing any of these right now?

1. I wish I lived for myself more.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
3. I wish I didn’t hold back my feelings.
4. I wish I stayed in touch.
5. I wish I was happier.
6. I wish I cared less of what others think.
7. I wish I didn’t worry so much.
8. I wish I took better care of myself.
9. I wish I didn't take life for granted.
10. I wish I took better care of myself.

When we are younger, we don’t really think much about the end of our lives. Nor do we worry about having regrets later?in life. As we grow older, the thought of death may flitter into our minds, but we still don’t take it seriously because we rationalize that we have plenty of years left. So, we live our lives not truly thinking about it.?We deny our fate, and we tell ourselves we have plenty of time to live our dreams.

Until we realize we are out of time.

These may be deep concepts and questions but hang with me for a minute (or two). No one is watching, you can't lose by finishing this article. This is my gift to you, remember?

You have a purpose whether you like it or not, and whether you've found it or not. Your purpose has meaning for others and yourself. Living your purpose every day IS how you win the game of life. You don't have to land on the moon to win the game, just living your purpose daily is how you win.

Did you know the Massachusetts Department of Health, Education and Welfare, found the most important risk factor of dying from your first heart attack before the age of 50 was Job Dissatisfaction?

Dissatisfaction, unhappiness, anger, stress, frustration, disappointment...are all emotions of choice and perspective. These choices will not afford you the privilege of winning at the game of life.

There are 9 primary reasons people don't win at the game of life:

1. They didn't know they had a purpose.
2. They don't know what the purpose of their life is.
3. They are too busy following rules that don't serve themselves and they make others play by their rules of the game and they lose sight of the purpose of the game.
4. Their rules conflict with their purpose.
5. They feel as if when they play the "right" rules, they are losing.
6. They are rewarded for breaking their rules.
7. They are following the rules made by other people at work, home, & peers vs. their own.
8. They are living a life of fear and can't see and feel what is right in front of them & their purpose.
9. They confuse their dreams with purpose.

This 9th one is what had me all tied up for decades. I first started out not knowing there was a purpose to life. I only understood there were goals and dreams. My original dream was to be a Doctor. What I didn't do was understand "why" I wanted that dream. Because I didn't focus on the "why," my purpose, I neglected to create goals to achieve that dream and I focused on others rules for the game.

Now today, I am not a Doctor whittling my scalpel around. However, I have had decades of time to analyze my original "why" behind my dream which was to help people heal, to find the root cause to the pain, to solve the problems that got in the way of the patient. I was a Dr. House (if you remember that show). While I didn't achieve my dream, and my heart regretted the lost path for decades, I finally figured out the essence behind my dream was that I desired to help people. Help people feel successful and fulfilled. And when they felt that way, they could heal their own pain. Realizing this piece set me free from regret. That realization came when I was sat having lunch with a Doctor and he asked me about what I did and what my dreams were. I told him about my lost dream and my current path.

After finishing my story, the Doctor had a look of despair on his face and he said to me "You are lucky you found the right path, you wouldn't have enjoyed being a Doctor. There is so much red-tape and politics, I don't get to enjoy my patients anymore. The whole reason I became a Doctor is lost." While this is only one Doctor's point of view, I have coached enough Doctors to see there is a common theme.

Now, I've told you all the ways you can lose, but here is my gift. Which are 7 ways you can win.

• You just decide what the purpose of the game of life is. It doesn't have to be big and grandiose. What you decide today doesn't have to be the end all be all. You can refine along the way. Think about what you value most right now and build on that.
• Limit the number rules on how to play the game and make sure the rules are yours and not someone else's.
• Align your rules with your purpose.
• Celebrate the small and the big wins.
• Allow yourself to feel the pain when you violate your rules and sense of purpose for life.
• Understand and appreciate that everyone has a different purpose, different experiences, and different rules on how to play the game. It's their game not yours.
• Enjoy the journey.

Sometimes not getting your dream gives you your destiny.

If you haven't found your purpose, that's okay. Don't wait. Start now:

1. Think of all the things you wanted to be or do when you grew up. Why did you want those?
2. Think of the times you felt at peace with the world and you understood what life was all about. What were you doing at those times?
3. Decide what your rules are for life? These may look a lot like values. Keep track on how well you are living your rules daily.
4. Now start formulating your purpose statement: keep it positive and brief. Use words that get you excited. Make sure it describes who are you going to be and what are you doing. Make it achievable in your lifetime. Be able to experience it every day and allow it to make you really, really happy!

Have fun, enjoy the journey, and Happy Holidays!

PS. If you are really curious on what my purpose is, let me know I am happy to share, it's plastered on my wall and in my journal.