The Gift of Perfection

I was working with a client last week and we explored the need to be perfect in order to achieve, move forward and take the next step.   We uncovered a lot of insight during our time together and it inspired me to write about perfection.

Perfectionism permeates the soul.  It rips all shreds of self acceptance and pride from you and it locks you into an ever spiraling wave of inadequacy.  Being a perfectionist is nothing like being perfect.  In fact you can never be perfect because you never get to reach the lofty heights you set for yourself.  

So you shrink back, sometimes not being the potential you know you have deep down inside.  You watch other people, with seemingly less ability, less experience and way less time on the clock fly into positions you covet, conversations you should be having and relationships that you could only dream of.  

You say to yourself, when I have learned enough, when I have that degree, when I'm older, when the kids are older, when, when, when.....  Obviously when you are perfect you will be ready, and going for the things you want, but you have no idea when this will be.

What is perfection?  Where is the bar?  Who set it and how will you know you got there?  Do you have a plan to get there assuming you know where there is? I'm not talking to those of you who are blessed with an eye for detail, that is your strength, and Im guessing you are very comfortable with that.  

I'm talking to those of you who are studiously bottling these feelings of inadequacy up, not giving it voice and convinced you don't live up to your own standard.  Maybe you struggle to sleep at night, stressing before you have to speak to a group, submit a project or report.  Perhaps you appear calm on the outside while dying 50 deaths on the inside and terrified someone will catch you out!

Can you ever know enough, do enough, be enough?  Where did you get the belief that perfection exists, and even worse, that you wouldn't be able to reach it?

So many of us (and women are terrible at this) hold others up as a beacon of who they would like to become, and in doing so, never become what they know they can.  They look to the future for the time when they will get relief and deep down, there is this constant agony of knowing there is more in the tank and its staying in the tank.  Fear of being caught out grips us.  It manifests in corporate bullying, dogma, under performance, stress, anxiety, staying silent when your one great idea might have had great legs.

Perfectionism stops you taking the job you will love because it might not match up with where you think you should be.  It stops you trying new things and  completing things, because your work could be held up for scrutiny.  It creates stress and anxiety because you pit yourself against others, and find yourself wanting.  You may shut down and fly under the radar so others won't know how imperfect you are.  You may have stopped giving yourself permission to shine.  It may not feel safe, perhaps because you never felt safe.

Here is the thing.  I can write here that its ok to let go of perfectionism.  I can write about how you should just do it anyway, and some might.  However some people may be stuck in that feeling deep down in their gut and that feeling there is what will hold you back.

If you suffer from perfectionism, and it is holding your life back, get help.  Its a very human situation, it is very fixable and you don't have to be stuck with all that pressure.