The gift of nothing
Author: Boxi, Professor , Boston, U.S.A
Back in May this year, amidst all the hustle-and-bustle during the graduation season, I finally had some time to keep my head above the water and to reflect on what and how to situate myself in this world, when my partner told me about Yinuo’s workshop. I was curious. I signed up right away and was happily “hooked” since then. This is the best gift I gave myself and let me tell you about my journey.
I was born in the 80’s in Shanghai. I grew up between Anhui, where my parents spent majority of their best years during and after cultural revolution, and their hometown Shanghai. I went to Fudan for medical school and then came to the US for PhD 16 years ago. Now I am a cognitive neuroscientist and faculty member in a university located in Boston, directing a developmental psychology lab studying language, social cognition, learning, and memory. Besides my work, I wear many hats like everyone else: a mom, a wife, a daughter, and a friend to my favorite people. Same as every first-generation immigrant, I struggle to find peace in between the two cultures and two countries.
I was a workaholic academic. I was always on the run. On the surface, I was doing okay, or even more than okay. I quote a kind senior colleague at my annual review meeting: “you are doing too much”. But my work during the past year was no longer motivated by my curiosity. Rather, it was driven by the urge to prove myself, to impress my new colleagues, and to “establish” myself at the new workspace. The long working hours into the late nights and weekends did not lead to satisfyingly creative scholarly work. Instead, my mind was dull and distracted all the time. All I saw is the daunting unknown and undone. I knew I was supposed to plan and look at the big picture, but I was too absorbed by my day-to-day mundane pain.
I was a people pleaser. This was my biggest strength and weakness. I am sensitive to others’ intention, preference, wants, and needs. When I have a capable mind, I can put my compassion into mending and volunteering. But when I am overwhelmed, these traits become my enemy. I could not say no, I lost control of my calendar, and I ran around trying to meet my promises. My mind was everywhere and nowhere at the same time. I was so anxious about disappointing others that I had little time listening to my own mind or sparing time for self-care.
I was an exhausted and often unhappy parent. I have a three-year-old girl, who is an energetic and fun character! She is a blessing and the joy of my life. But I was constantly living in guilt, because I have been too busy planning and preparing, worrying and self-criticizing. I love hanging out with her, but also dreaded those times at the same time, because I found it energy draining to set boundaries, to constantly react to her needs, and most of the times, naturally, she cannot be reasoned…
I had a dystopian view of the world. I was angry towards the mess in the world, even obsessed with negative news. But the more I read, the less motivated I felt. It was the learned helplessness all around.
I also have lost my superpower: lucid dream. Since I was a child, I was often aware of my dream and could sometimes control my dream like in the movie Inception. I learned the best strategy to escape from a nightmare: I would first give in and then consciously take a backseat in the dream. When I succeeded, I could see the terror dispersed and I regained the control of my dream. However, as I grow older, lucid dreams visited me less frequently…
Three months after I started taking the journey with Yinuo and all the other friends in the workshop, I have been able to do all the following with less effort:
● taking active control of self-care.
● saying no with confidence, and importantly, with compassion.
● accepting changes and adjusting plans.
● becoming a patient listener.
● staying informed but optimistic about this world.
● searching for spaces where I can make meaningful contributions.
I also see the world around me differently. I noticed that:
● working can be a constant joy, as long as there is an on/off button.
● everyone is a child deep inside and learning takes place at its own pace.
● conflicts are different view points from people who are more similar to than different from each other.
● the only certain thing in this world is uncertainty. You cannot control uncertainty, but you can control your feeling of insecurity.
● the world is still a mess. But human civilization has been making steady progress.
Most dramatic of all, my lucid dreams came back to me! I surprisingly realized that the kind of “superpower” I mastered in my dreamland is the same meta-cognition ability Yinuo’s workshop teaches us to heal our waking mind and to understand the real world.
This new image of myself is not a stranger. Instead she reminded me many role models who I had the fortune to know. This past Monday was Jewish Rosh Hashana. Years ago, when I still shared an office with a dear friend of mine, she would remind me to take a walk in the middle of the day to reflect and to think on this day. She would spend time working on her art project no matter how busy she was as a neurologist. I admire her and we were close friends. But I also felt foreign to her spirituality experience. At that time, I mixed memory retrieval with reflection. Now I felt even more connected to her though we live in different countries and have not seen each other in years.
You might say this all sounds great! But maybe your life is just easier during this time. Maybe you just have more time doing soul cleansing. Or maybe this is a cycle. You will be destined to go back to who you were.
I think this has been my journey towards greater clarity and there is no way back. But to prevent myself from slipping back to who I was, I added a control experiment and “schemed” to involve my partner on this journey. He is, in many ways, the opposite version of me already. His brain is wired differently. He did not have imposter syndrome to start with. He accepts himself and the choices he makes. He seldom feels anxious or afraid. He gets things done and switches quickly between tasks without wasting much mental energy ruminating or worrying. But I think all of this is out of habits. He, too, needs more clarity, so that compassion, not efficiency, is engrained into his habits. He actively participated in the second workshop as one of the few male members, while I was watching happily from the sideline. I can see the gradual change his confident mind is going through. From my observation, he is now a better listener with more patience, more curiosity, and, more interesting ideas to share. As this is not a treatment study but simply an observation, it is possible that we are growing in tandem and Yinuo’s workshop serves as a facilitator rather than the only driving force. But I think there are similar changes happening to him, even though they are not explicit.
In August, on the day my 3-year-old daughter left her daycare classroom, she brought each of her little friend a lotus seed as goodbye presents. The lotus seed is just the package for the real present inside: nothing. She learned from a story that nothing has the greatest power in the world because the circle of the life is originated from the space inside of the seed. She immediately fell in love with this story and insisted sending nothing as the present. Similarly, I think what Yinuo’s workshop gifts us is truly invisible but powerful.
Here, please accept my gift of nothing!
This article is written by Boxi, a former participant in my workshop. Seeing how much she has transformed brought a smile to my face. Her beautiful words moved me profoundly, and I feel compelled to share them with you.
Nothing speaks more powerfully than the voices of those who stood with me in the workshop, breaking through the bamboo ceiling of their careers.
Today is the counting down of 10 days to my next workshop. If you're curious about the work that sparked such a deep change in her, take a look at the poster for my upcoming online workshop below.
For my LinkedIn followers, a special offer awaits: USD $3099 (Email [email protected] to redeem the offer)
Original Price: $3499 (approximately ￥24999)
Career Growth Breakthrough Workshop
Six-week immersive experiential learning
Achieve breakthrough growth in your career
Course Duration: Six weeks Beijing Time: October 12 – November 23 North American Time: October 11 – November 22
Teaching Method: Real-time classes on Zoom & TA-led group sessions
?Yinuo Li Founder of yinuoli.org Ph.D. in Molecular Biology from the University of California Former Global Partner at McKinsey Former Head of the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation in China
Since May 2022 In two years, Yinuo has conducted eight workshops Continuously focusing on career development and inner strength Building a learner-centered support system 1000+ participants have deeply benefited from this
01 About This Workshop
In the fall of 2024, the Breakthrough Growth Career Workshop sets sail This workshop journey is centered around two main lines
External Path
Guide and understand American workplace culture and its deep social, cultural, and historical background
Internal Path
Support looking inward, from thinking patterns and self-awareness to exploring and overcoming internal obstacles to career development
Workplace Transition and Development Workshop
Level 3: Connect with inner wisdom, gaining the driving force for personal growth Level 2: Help participants understand and internalize the “Dao” of career advancement Level 1: Provide the “techniques” for workplace development from a methodological perspective
Helping you achieve leapfrog growth in your career and life.
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领英推荐
02 Course Content
Week 1
External Theme Understanding America: Understanding the underlying logic of an open society and its relationship to the workplace
Internal Theme What is true inner growth, and how does it occur
Week 2
External Theme The historical evolution of talent selection in the American workplace, and how the current “rules” were formed
Internal Theme Understanding my “personality” traits, facing my anxiety and ambition
Week 3
External Theme The underlying logic of talent selection and development in the American workplace
Internal Theme How to break through the bamboo ceiling
Week 4
External Theme The workplace transition challenges faced by overseas Chinese
Internal Theme The path to overcoming the challenges of workplace transitions for overseas Chinese
Week 5
External Theme The essential path for breakthrough leadership development
Internal Theme Planning a personal leadership development journey
Week 6
External Theme Building external reality from internal states—inner construction for transformational growth
Internal Theme From awareness to action
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03 Guest Lineup
Indra Nooyi The first female CEO of PepsiCo, ranked as the most powerful woman in business by Fortune magazine for five consecutive years, and named one of the world’s 100 most powerful women by Forbes magazine for 10 consecutive years
Richie Norton Serial entrepreneur, speaker, CEO executive coach, and bestselling author of The Power of Starting Something Stupid and Anti-Time Management
Zongkun Liu Juris Doctor (JD) and Doctor of Philosophy (PhD), practicing attorney at the U.S. Federal Court, Illinois State, and Texas Supreme Court
Yingyi Ma Professor of Sociology and Director of Graduate Studies at the Maxwell School of Citizenship and Public Affairs, Syracuse University. Her main research focuses on education and immigration issues in the U.S. and China, and she is the author of Ambitious and Anxious
Jun Xing PhD in Biology, President and Chairman of the Board of Directors for the Greater China Region of a multinational company, Global Board Director of the multinational company group, and author of Winning in the Workplace
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04 Teaching Assistant Team
Experienced Professionals
Dan “How to Make the Most of the American Work Environment and Find Your Dream Job from the Inside Out” First international graduate student in the Department of Biology at the University of California, San Francisco, with ten years of research experience, currently supporting the development of biological software at a charitable foundation USA · Chicago
Jipei “Discovering Yourself, Breaking Barriers: The Story of Changing Industries and Roles” Bachelor’s degree from a liberal arts college in the US, Master’s in Public Administration from Cornell University, with experience in Sino-American educational nonprofits and international development organizations. For nearly a decade, she has been working in marketing and sales management in the B2B enterprise software industry USA · New York
Patty “A Song of Ice and Fire: My Perspective on the US-China Market Comparison” Bachelor’s degree in China + MBA in the USA, currently in her second year of expatriation in New York with an American firm, and embarking on a new journey at age 40+ USA · New York China · Shanghai
Leilei Ji “The Path to Breakthrough – Speak Up: Starting from the Transformation of ‘Good Student Syndrome'” Life explorer, medical student at Fudan University, with business studies at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill; has worked in medical training, clinical affairs strategy, marketing, and now focuses on the development and global launch of medical products USA · California
Qianqian “Turning Vision into Reality: Building a 360-Degree Leadership Support System” Ph.D. in Biomedical Engineering from Washington University in St. Louis, with over 7 years of experience in machine learning applications at the largest digital marketing company in the U.S., and an Erickson International Coach USA · New York
Luna “Ten Years as a Highly Sensitive Talent in American Companies: How to Reclaim Inner Motivation” Graduate student in Business Management at Fudan University, with over 10 years of experience in supply chain management at a Fortune 500 American company China · Shanghai
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05 Six-week Course Timetable
06 Purchase Method
LinkedIn follower's special offer: USD $3099 (Email [email protected] to redeem the offer)
Original Price: $3499 (approximately ￥24999)
Exclusive Benefits for Alumni, please consult customer service to claim Previous Yinuo Workshop participants enjoy a 5% discount Current members of the Plentiful Life Club enjoy a 10% discount
Exclusive Gift Package After the six-week course, the workshop content will remain open for a total of 180 days to support ongoing growth and follow-up. All participants will receive a free 1-year membership to the “Promise Community” to support continued growth and development.
Purchase Process: 01 Join the inquiry group 02 Private message customer service for payment methods 03 Payment successful 04 Enter the student group 05 Wait for the course to begin
If you are interested in attending the workshop, or have any questions about the workshop’s details, please contact the customer service: [email protected]
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