The gift of attention

As I go through childminder training, I am struck by the similarities that it has to coach training.

In this current moment, I’m learning something coach training would call “witnessing” and childminder training calls “sustained, shared thinking”.

Simply put, it means giving?all of your attention?to the adult or child you are with.

Not just a little bit, but?all?of it. Giving all of your (6!!) senses to the person you are focusing on.

In coaching, this means calling on a skill we learn that allows us to tune out the noise of the world. To not notice the thoughts in your head. The buses outside your window. The dog barking next door.

Doing so allows you to listen in a much deeper way - you can hear not only what the person you are coaching is saying… but what they are not saying. You can hear the meaning behind the words they specifically choose. You can hear the omission of the feelings they are unwilling to vocalize.?You can hear hopes and dreams that are just tiny seeds, waiting to be planted.

Most of the time we coach, we listen in this way (what’s called “Level 2 Listening”). It’s an intellectual type of listening. It’s listening to the communication that us Homo Sapiens are uniquely able to have (i.e. using words and complex thoughts).

But occasionally, we listen in what’s called Level 3. This level means listening?with our bodies. It’s noticing what is activated within us. It’s feeling the energy shift in the proverbial room. It’s connecting into the person we are coaching energetically and resonating with that frequency.?

This shift to Level 3 tends to happen for me when someone is being fully honest and present with me. I don’t need to listen to their words, because the words are flowing out of their mouth and they are finally speaking their truth. I don’t need to direct or guide them based on their vocabulary choice. I need to guide them based on their energy?given?their vocabulary choice.

I don’t listen in Level 3 that often because most clients only hit that moment of resonance here and there - when that aha moment of clarity sets in.?

I also don’t listen in Level 3 that often because it’s bloody exhausting.?

Level 2 takes serious focus and energy, but Level 3 takes *all* of my power.?

Thirty seconds of Level 3 is enough to transform a coaching session, and then I quickly shift back down to Level 2 so as to preserve my energy.

The crazy thing I am realizing about working with children… is that we?have?to listen in Level 3 with them. All of the time.

Level 2 isn’t an available option because it requires sophisticated communication skills, something which infants & toddlers don’t yet have (duh!).?

I also recognize that listening in Level 2?used to be?exhausting for me. Just a teeny 10 minute practice coaching session would leave me reeling for hours.?I would stare at a wall and watch the dried paint continue to stay dry ??

But now 600+ hours of coaching sessions later, Level 2 listening energizes me, rather than drains me. I know that with time & practice Level 3 can feel the same, too.

And as life tends to gift us exactly what we need… I have been given the gift of getting to practice Level 3 listening with baby Mia every day, all day.?

I am choosing small, 5-10 minute play windows where I connect to her energetically. I let her play, and I simply witness her.?

I patiently sense what she needs from me in any given moment.?

Sometimes it’s just companionship, as she seems content and focused. Sometimes it’s assistance, as she can’t quite reach a toy. Sometimes it’s explaining what she is doing to her, as she has a puzzled look on her face.

I hear many parents repeat everything they do to their children (i.e. “look baby, I am washing the dish with a sponge & soap and I move my arm in circles”). While yes probably more helpful than explaining nothing at all — this is us carte blanche following a recommendation on one aspect of childhood development (vocabulary).?

But what if instead of us forcing things on our children, we simply gave them the gift of our deep attention.?

What if we all took the time to learn how to listen in Level 3.?

Being able to give the gift of deep attention to our children and the world’s children - I mean… wow. Wouldn’t this transform a generation. Maybe we’d create an army of children who feel so deeply seen and listened to that they would grow up to be fully who they are, rather than who society wants them to be.

What if by gifting this generation of children our deepest attention, only a handful of these children would have to un-become what they are not during their Saturn return.

What if by gifting theis generation of children our deepest attention, we shift the energetic frequency of society from a masculine one to a feminine one.

Because you know what makes Level 3 uncomfortable & exhausting? It means being fully submissive. It means being?fully?feminine.?

Remember - the submissive, feminine archetype is not weak. The childminders of the world are most definitely not soft. What they are is powerful - but in a beautiful, elegant & extremely feminine way.

My hope is that we can all get more in touch with this submissive aspect of our feminine selves - and by doing so, we can heal the generations to come.

And if you’re interested in learning more about how to listen in Levels 2 & 3, I have a self-paced offering that includes a module on how to practice doing just that.