The Gift of 9 Invaluable Gemstones

9 Invaluable Gems to gift children: An amalgamation of excerpts & guidance from ancient Vedic scriptures, texts, elders and my practical experiences.

Elders within or outside family (parents / grand / great grand), siblings, relatives, teachers are undoubtedly a child’s 1st Teachers / Guides. This word instinctively brings to mind the image of a benevolent figure who constructively role models through clear explanations basis practical learnings, suitably directs, educates, soundly advices and enlightens. Fundamentally the emphasis of ‘how’ young curious minds are constructively guided deeply rests on such role models.

Children are naturally gifted with a deep spirit of humble, unalloyed, unadulterated curiosity and genuine interest. They benefit immensely when elders in their surrounding environment constantly communicate positively, educate them with awareness, thoughtfulness and clarity, more so when lead by example or even explain & drive the point home with clear intent in mind.

In the past few decades growing concerns and numerous incidents have surfaced indicating the need to bring some clarity around queries such as ‘what to’ or ‘how to’ or ‘is there a different / better way’. Hence sharing a few perspectives from my limited experience so far of having played these roles myself (accompanied by my life partner) – and we are constantly learning yet.

Considering all the above, here are 9 essential behavioural gemstones we as elders need to gift young children in our family and society in order to enable their overall development, to nurture them into mindful, virtuous, balanced, happy, successful and spiritual individuals through all stages of their life. Let’s explore and understand each of these 9 gems.

?Observe & seek a balanced (not indifferent) view, not motivated biases: Open mindedness essentially manifests only when one perceives the Supreme Being within everything around and fundamentally when one willingly embraces diversity. Neither of us are born with prejudices, which are acquired as a consequence / influence of constant conditioning while living within the society or surrounding circumstances. An unbiased approach and balanced understanding develops through constant learning / education and coaching our children that the entire world is our family and every life is divine. It is through thoughtful and absolute avoidance of prejudiced (race, religion, any form) comments / remarks. Through conversations and reflective discussions with our children, any prejudice can be rectified. Having children meet, interact and learning to feel comfortable with children of diverse backgrounds. Coaching and educating children to avoid generalizations about people and, instead, to think about specific individuals and the specific qualities observed worth imbibing. Open-minded / Balanced individuals enable communities and societies function progressively with the least misunderstanding and friction.

?Demonstrate parental confidence, understanding & trust: achieved as children reach adulthood and choose to spend time with elders / parents because they truly love / enjoy their association. A strong connection of love and understanding develops. Sadly, there are several instances where kids reaching adulthood are distanced from their homes and maintain little contact with elders / parents. Parental confidence and understanding develops through openly expressing & demonstrating love by hugging children, followed by “I love you”. Dangerous distances and misunderstandings creep in when love is never clearly expressed. Confidence and understanding is fostered by rectifying a child's misbehaviour with positive discipline approaches, such as sports, recreation, with appropriate natural & logical consequences, and using reason without blame, name or shame. Using emotions such as anger, blame, name or shame, irrational punishments, physical violence cause great distances and stress. Spending quality time together doing activities that all members of the family love to do generates closeness. It increases further by father-son and mother-daughter bonding, through developing common interests in activities / hobbies / games and working together. It is protected and cultivated when elders / parents create a wonderful atmosphere of love in their home in which children feel free to share everything without fear of consequences. They know their elders / parents love them unconditionally and will always understand them. Distance develops a threatening atmosphere where children learn to keep secrets, and each secret increases distances between children and parents. Loving relationships between children and elders / parents clearly influences and inspires all subsequent emotional relationships, even one's spiritual relationship with God.

?Ability to amicably resolve conflicts: is exemplified when disagreements are amicably worked out with others using tools of good intent, humility, virtue, intellect, logic and seeking a win-win situation. How is this cultivated in children and youth? It is through the elders / parents demonstrating these qualities themselves. Children learn that this behaviour is expected of them by observing actions of their elders. Guide children any time they use emotional outbursts, anger, irritation, physical force or verbal injury to prevail in a conflict, discuss with them how it could be settled with humble, intelligent conversations. It is through replacing the idea of "I want me to win and you to lose." with "I win only when everybody around me wins." Illustrations of what to do and what not can be drawn from the people they see in TVs or movies. It is nurtured by elders / parents following the wisdom of resolving disagreements before going to sleep for the day, as this teaches by example the importance of facing and solving a conflict rather in time than fleeing from it. Proficiency in conflict resolution keeps our life sublime and our subconscious mind free of the disturbances caused by memories of unresolved disagreements.

?Seek to inculcate a virtuous personality and devotional character: expressed when others are appreciated and naturally treated with kindness and generosity. This is fulfilled upon seeking blessings of elders, parents, gurus and God all throughout our lives. It is cultivated when elders / parents demonstrate these qualities themselves and when children learn from parental actions that this behaviour is expected of them. This leads us to the Niyamas (10 observances of Hinduism's Code of Conduct): austerity, contentment, devotional service through unconditional surrender / submission, worship of the Lord, penitence, observance of sacred vows, recitation, piety, perception, scriptural listening and charity. These values are nurtured by setting precedence ourselves and educating children to seek blessings of elders, worship, pray and meditate (at home or temples) prior to any events such as having food or when stepping out of and returning back home, starting something new, purchasing gifts, new school year, before competitions / exams / important events, interviews etc. Pious and Virtuous conduct always welcomes joys of Divine Blessings in our lives.

?Self-correction and focus on constantly staying aware: proclivity to draw and implement all the necessary learnings from every experience and never forget them. Children deserve to know that making mistakes is a natural part of learning experiences which serve as stepping-stones to build wisdom and strong character. It is what makes us Human and simply shows that we are not ‘Mister / Miss know it all’. Elders must appreciate that children may lack a certain understanding and educate them adequately without making any sort of adverse remarks even jokingly. Assist children to focus and constantly stay mindful / aware. When elders guide and educate through coherent examples, children are positively encouraged to stay aware, learn actively, and reflect on the potential impact of their behaviour before acting. Such wisdom can be nurtured through encouraging awareness and self-reflection, asking the children to consider what they did and how they could avoid repeating a mistake. Self-audit, introspection, self-correction and focus on constant awareness enables, refines & defines ones attitude and behaviour as necessary.

?Maintaining a positive self-image: confident state of being where one realises and believes in oneself as being a worthy immortal soul, social individual deserving every bit of cheerful, effervescent and wonderful life. Unfortunately, several children grow into adulthood with a pseudo sense of belief that others are superior or inferior and life has very little to offer. A negative o false self-image develops through verbally running down a child, which usually occurs in 1: When deriding as a form of jest or teasing. Undeniably, this must stop and be substituted with positive encouragement that respects the child’s behaviour and diversity. Elders / parents need to be constantly aware of their own behaviour in presence of children. They must neither find themselves nor allow children to call each other belittling names. 2: While rectifying misconduct, wisdom advises keeping the person and their behaviours clearly separate. Sustaining a positive self-image about one’s outer self allows acceptance of the fact that one’s inner self is a divine being, an immortal and a radiant soul.

?Abundant self-confidence: demonstrated when children are confronted with tough challenges and their first response is the belief and certainty that they can and will accomplish it. Unfortunately, many children grow up lacking this much needed self-confidence and harbour the feeling that they will be unable to accomplish challenges as their first response, as it appears too difficult. Abundance of self-confidence is cultivated when children possess a positive self-image and subsequently helping children be successful at progressively more difficult tasks as they grow up. Such a pattern of successes reaches into the subconscious mind and produces the sense of abundant self-confidence as well as the belief that any challenge is accomplishable. Self-confidence is cultivated by watching for failures and compensating for them. Self-confidence makes one magnetic to success in both outer and inner endeavours.

?Being energetic and self-contentment: Usually fun loving, satisfied and a happy personality and nature of the child, developed through the elders / parents practicing the philosophy that life is meant to be lived joyously. Embrace the fact that happiness does not depend on external circumstances but it clearly is a state of being / consciousness, whether life is challenge free or filled with it. Teach children to be content with what they have in the present rather than be dissatisfied about what they don't. Nurtured by spending time together with the family filled with play and laughter. The ability to remain fun-loving, joyful, secure and content enables one to face the ups and downs of life with far greater composure.

?Self-discipline / regulation / monitoring / audit and self-control: ability to monitor, self-audit and regulate one’s behaviour and therefore check all temptations to express or exhibit any form of negative emotions. E.g. Anger, Arrogance, Conceit, Corruption, Dishonesty, Distrust, Egotism, Greed, Impulsiveness, Jealousy etc. Children largely learn through direct observation from elders 1st, whether behaving emotionally negative is acceptable or not, especially when elders themselves set good examples of role model behaviour. Practicing the 10 tenets of Vedic Code of Conduct (Yamas) also as declared in the ?ā??ilya Upani?ad, as well as by Svātmārāma:

1.Ahi?sā-Non-violence in thought (intent), word (speech) & deed (action).

2.Satya-Truthfulness, morality, virtue in thought (intent), word (speech) & deed (action).

3.Asteya-Not-stealing & not-coveting.

4.Brahmacharya-Sexual restraint, being chaste, marital fidelity.

5.K?amā-Forgiveness.

6.Dh?ti-Determination, Fortitude, persevere, steadfastness.

7.Dayā-Compassion, being sensitive towards all movable and non-movable beings.

8.ārjava-Non-hypocrisy, sincerity, candour, straightforwardness.

9.Mitāhāra-Measured & moderate diet, avoid non-veg.

10.?aucha-Hygiene, cleanliness and purity of body, mind (thought) and speech (word).

Self-discipline, self-control & self-regulation naturally leads to self-mastery, enabling one to effectively accomplish one’s inner goals followed by outer goals.