Ghosting….. Why do they do it?

Ghosting is a behavioral & compulsive disorder when someone cuts off all communication without any explanation.

Most people think this only happens over digital media, social media, networking & gaming sites and, with kids & youth of the present generations. This is not true. Ghosting is also beyond personal relationships because, it is a behavior pattern and will extend to the ghoster's 'every' interaction with others. This extends to the school, university, the workplace and the society.

A close friend not responding to a series of text message, the once loving partner & friend block you all communications, , the employee absconds & abandon their jobs and vanish. A spouse leaves everything & everybody around, never to be seen ever again. 

The plumber, painter, carpenter, real estate agent promise to show up and then their phones turned off and never will you ever see them again. Someone plans a meeting to discuss business, either to buy or to sell, does not show up for the meeting and, never to be heard or seen again.

Often these ghosters change cities, jobs, phone numbers, personal contacts on social media and at times even names and mannerisms too, to conceal their original identities.

...simply because they cannot face the real situation, say sorry or apologize, most often they cannot say what they want to for some fear.

Sam simply stops responding to every attempt of Sonia, the next morning after an evening dinner together After being in the relationship for 15 months, she has been blocked on his phone, WhatsApp, all messaging & social media connections. Unable to even understand what went wrong and why he is avoiding her, she realizes that he is ghosting. With a hope to atleast understand what went wrong, she hopes to see Sam atleast once.

Pranita engaged & to be married to Prakash, who goes missing on the day of the wedding, with phones switched off, new social media profile created with updated Relationship Status “Single”. Parents, family, relatives, friends and colleagues yet to trace Prakash to this date. Only active on selective social media with a brand-new profile blocking all requests to stay connected.

Rajeev Singh is shortlisted for the final round of job interview after clearing 2 successful interviews. Rajeev on the day of the interview fails to respond to phone calls, emails, and text messages. This employer never heard from him ever since. Rajeev’s ghosting his potential employer left them confused.

13-year-old girl Mina after failing in their class tes never reaches back home from school. Worried parents trace her with the help of the police and bring her home after 6 days. Though this ghosting attempt failed, this behavior repeats every time Mina found herself in a difficult situation of facing her parents, siblings & relatives at home.

Bonita Sen was promised a personal interview after the initial telephonic interview. On the day of the personal interview she attempts a confirmation from her recruiter. She never gets connected and the recruiter later stops taking her call and no email response. There was no explanation or reasons given. Bonita finally gives up on the opportunity. This recruiter ghosting just ruined the candidate's prospects.

Unni Nair a manager with a MNC in a well-paying job, settled with a working wife and two school going children. Unni leaves home for work and never returns home. His wife, children & family are worried and contact close friends, relatives and colleagues. Unni's phone was deactivated, bank account closed. Unni after years was discovered to have changed cities, found a new profession, married and settled down with another lady with 3 children living a new life secretly. Extreme ghosting behavior.

A well-dressed executive, good looking lady walks into the restaurant and orders lunch out of the menu for herself. The lady placed the order from the menu with utmost politeness and elegance. The waiter brings the order to the table only to find the lady gone. She just ghosted…

Deepak an IT executive absconds from work without information and shows up after weeks of being incommunicado with a brand new story, excuses and reasons that sound so real. Managers are surprised as Deepak is an excellent employee and a team leader. This repeats a couple of times and then Deepak vanishes never to be seen again.

Ghosting is a behavioral disorder and, this is the only way known to the ghosters. It’s only an escape mechanism to avoid a situation because these ghosters are actually very nice human beings used to only saying "YES" to everything and everybody. This is because they don’t want to be hated by anyone or, to upset people close and around them. The ghosters use this as a getaway path, as this is the only path with least resistance as, the other person will not suspect this behavior.

The ghosters do not have the courage or strength to the face situations, confrontations and conversations with their close ones. They find it easy to run away from the situation forgetting everything else, including their personal responsibilities.

The ghosters are often people who lack self-esteem and fear facing the emotions of the other person. They are highly incapable of handling conflicts nor are they capable of facing a rejection or taking on any additional responsibilities. The ghosters are usually highly selfish who don’t want to be seen that way and are not willing to go outside their comfort zone. They thereby run away from reality to cocoon themselves in some other situation and this continues.

Many ghosters are often never ready for any kind of commitment, be it being in a relationship, facing an interview or, making up a decision of a job change, Ghosting is only an act of playing the sacrificial lamb. where the ghoster often fills themselves with self pity and are full of themselves mostly. They are insensitive to the fact about how everybody around them would feel cheated and let down by their actions.

And this action is often a habit that keeps them ghosting in every situation, difficult times and, every time when they have to face the reality or speak up the truth. Thus they turn them into chronic ghosters…..