Ghosting: How to be Optimistic

It seems to be happening a lot — Someone gets in touch with you about an exciting project. They say they love your work and are keen to collaborate. Or you connect on Linkedin, and set up a meeting with bags of enthusiasm. You feel like your marketing activities are finally paying off. You might be even punching in the air with a big smile on your face.

Then your lead suddenly slams?the?door?shut.?They just disappear without any explanation. You feel confused, annoyed, and maybe even inadequate. “Is that something I’ve done? Have I got the tone of my last message wrong?” You follow up only to get even more frustrated by the dead silence.

Whether you think it’s morally wrong or grossly unprofessional, ghosting happens.

The Ghosting Stats: You Are Not Alone

The statistics show that you are not alone in this; A LinkedIn poll shows that?93% of respondents said they were ghosted in the middle of the active hiring process. And 28% of workers admitted that they had ghosted an employer (BBC).

Whether you think it’s morally wrong or grossly unprofessional, ghosting happens. So while we can’t preach to every ghost we encounter, I – an artist on a mission to spread optimism – have some tips to view the situation in a more optimistic light.

Neuroscience of Why Ghosting Might Happen

But before that, let’s talk about why ghosting might happen. According to neuroscientist Dr Tara Bieber Swart (whom I collaborated on the ITV ident project), all our emotions correlate to certain neurotransmitters. That means we tend to avoid anything that releases cortisol, the stress hormone.

My guess is that in order to avoid negative emotions (fear, anger, disgust, shame, and sadness), some people may ‘prolong’ the period before facing a conflict or saying no. This will soon be deprioritised in their to-do list and forever forgotten, quite possibly unintentionally. So it may not as malicious as you might think.

How to be Optimistic When You Got Ghosted

You are Creating a Space for Another Opportunity

One out, one in. By getting rid of one thing, you are creating a space for another. Channel that newly acquired headspace and energy to a better opportunity.

You’ve Dodged a Bullet

Congrats! You have just future proof yourself from a misery. Whether it’s a business lead or a date, if they were so elusive and disengaged at the initial stage, imagine what kind of ride you were in for. Give yourself a pat on the shoulder for?avoiding the wrong path.

Be Proactive than Passive

Maybe we should think of this lead generation scenario like a dancefloor. If you are passively waiting for someone to come to you, you don’t get to choose who to dance with. If you find a quality lead, go and talk to them. But try not to be transactional straightaway. That’s like asking someone to marry you on the dancefloor (They’ll most definitely ghost you then!).?Make friends with them and get to know each other to see if you are compatible to work together.

So go on and kiss goodbye to the ghost that haunted you. You deserve better.

---

Thank You for Joining My Newsletter

Hi, I am June Mineyama-Smithson aka MAMIMU, London-based artist/designer/lecturer on a mission to spread optimism.

My NFT collection?is currently showing at?CULT VISION?in London as a part of City Vistas delivered by?Culture Mile?in partnership with the?City of London Corporation?and?Artiq.

If you are interested in spreading optimism with me in a form of art, placemaking, and products, get in touch. I promise I won’t ghost.