Ghosted

I’m surrounded by ghosts. Not ghosts of the past or of loss, but the ghosts of job openings, recruiters, and hiring managers that simply vanished. Ghosting is the term commonly used to refer to the anticlimactic moment when you realize that someone with whom you're on speaking terms suddenly cuts all communications or is a constant flake. They are specters of disappointment. I don’t remember every one of course, but I still feel haunted by frequently never hearing back…. much less to ever know why I didn’t get the job, sometimes only getting the same copy/paste rejection letter that might even have someone else's name on it.

The Baggage

During the 2008 financial crisis, I was in college at what is now a defunct and shuttered art school. At the time, everyone was telling me that I would find a good job by the time I graduated when the recession was over. I think we all know how that prediction fared.

While looking for my first post college job, I took a bus an hour and half away to get to an interview. As soon as I walked in, I was told that they’d already hired for the graphic design position, but that I could apply for a different job even though it had nothing to do with my field. Halfway through signing the papers to apply, I walked out. Five months later, they called to ask if I was still free. The business was closing and they were looking to hire me for a few days to move furniture out of the building. It was for $5 more than what I was making at the time, but it was my turn to say "No".

The first job I got out of school would be for three years in parks and recreation. It was crushing. The heat, the labor, the late nights, the disrespect, the filth, the disorganization, the pressure, it was all too much. Over 3 years, no matter how often I looked or how many applications I put out I was almost never hearing anything back.

I left working for parks and rec, and struck out on my own as a freelance graphic designer. I spent that first six months with a few downs, but there was a lot on the upside, including getting a great reputation online, working from home, and of course working half the time and making as much money as before. I was building a portfolio and getting established. Finally, I felt like I was about to make it, and I didn’t have to rely on one employer anymore. And then, it all ended. The work vanished. I couldn’t figure it out, I had an even broader portfolio, I had a 5 star review on that freelancer website, and things had gone so well. How did the work dry up? Regardless, I needed another job. Nominally, a "real" one.

So, I attended a group interview with a large retail chain. It was the fall hiring wave, and I was in a big hiring event for about 15 positions with maybe 25 interviewees. There was so much in my personal background I could rely on that would help me and it appealed to this particular retailer. After a five hour group interview that focused on social interactions, personal skills and passions, talking a lot about my past, and using what little time I had to prepare a sappy public speech, I got the job as a cashier. It was a bitter-sweet feeling. It felt like a massive climb down and a lot of my skills wouldn't be used here.

About a year later, I started keeping track over the course of two months as I continued to furiously apply to jobs and freelance bids. I submitted between 300-350 bids for freelance jobs, and easily 30+ local full time jobs. Out of approximately 330-380 applications, I heard back from 5 of them. 2 local job wouldn’t work out because I didn’t have a car. 2 became short term freelance projects. And 1 was a scam “marketing” job that would have had me selling wifi door to door. That office space gave me the creeps from the start. It seemed like everything from the walls and furniture, the lack of personal effects on desks, the people awkwardly playing at an air hockey table, the private offices seemed so soulless, but I tried to push passed it. That is, until I found out it also was 100% commission based pay. When it became apparent what kind of job this actually was, I was angry but kept my cool. I continued asking questions about the job, feigning interest. After I got all the information, I calmly sat back to get in the driver’s seat. “Yeah, that’s not really what I want to do. Lemme tell you what I want...” After a little speech to gently vent and to waste their time, I left with my chin up knowing I deserved more, that I could do more.

4 months later, I was desperate. Freelance work was somehow even worse, and I was hardly making any money. I worked as a cashier for 15-25 hours a week and spent the rest of my time mostly applying to other jobs. After my year, I was up for a raise. The raises were based on merit and accomplishments and there were three levels of raises; 1. Above and beyond - $0.21, 2. Adequate - $0.14, and 3. Needs Improvement - $0.07. I was fortunate enough to get the $0.14 raise, and man, I needed every cent. At this point, I sank to only making about $700 a month from all sources. I had to go to food pantries and dumpster diving again. I couldn’t afford internet at home, and I would walk to the nearest library and use the wifi there, almost never buying anything from the café because I couldn’t afford it. I would sometimes bring a P.B. (couldn't afford the jelly) sandwich or some buttered noodles with me to discreetly eat while I frantically combed the internet. I would use a bike to get around, until it was stolen in the middle of winter, of all times. At this point I was sinking into a depression. There were many days I could barely get out of bed, I lost interest in almost everything, and I often looked for little things to busy myself with so I didn't have to deal with real life issues. I kept thinking, "Why can't I get the job? I thought I was good enough.... I guess nobody wants me."

At my lowest point, I finally got a good job at a local tech company and I was immediately lifted out of poverty. From now over the next 5 years, I was finally fortunate enough to hold steady, well-paying work at 2 autonomous vehicle companies in data analysis. It wasn’t my passion or field, but I could do the job effectively. Sadly at each of them, we eventually had to compete in Hunger Games style interviews to go from lowly contractor status to permanent employees. I and dozens of others didn’t make the cut and were out on our ears. At least I figured out what I wanted to do with myself and understood what I’d be looking for the next time. In the middle of transitioning from one AV company to another, I continued to apply to other jobs in my field, but I was becoming type-casted. I'd later have to go through the Hunger Games AGAIN....

Not long after that, I found my current job and am quite happy here. Finally!

The Stats

By now, maybe to some of you I've done a lot to make myself sound like an entitled, limp wristed soy-boy. Let me give you some numbers and stats to show what I'm talking about.

I made sure to have an up to date website primarily to host a portfolio to show my work. Keeping track of my website analytics, I can see the number of views, whether they were on desktop or mobile, the average time spent on my site, and the and the city location. After submitting around 60 applications over a month, I only had 5 website views with an average session time of 15 seconds. Now, I'm not under the belief that my website is amazing, nor that my portfolio is oh-so-much better than others, but I will say that the number of visits and the amount of time spent on it isn't an indication of getting a fair shake by those that visit. How could anyone determine my ability and worth in an average of 15 seconds?

According to many comments on LinkedIn and others in my generation I've spoken to, some companies are making job seekers jump through so many hoops in the hiring process that the candidates get burnt out and wouldn't even want to work for most of these companies if it wasn't for needing to keep a roof over their heads or to be able to eat. Just one example of this type of hiring process: 5-7 1:1 interviews, an unpaid homework assignment, 1+ month long interview process, and all that as though there aren't interviews with other businesses to manage. And some go through all that only to never hear anything at all or to hear that they found someone with a little more experience. More recently, the last time I was job hunting a year ago, I had 6 interviews going on. None of them rejected me, but 5 of those 6 never got back to me even though they said they would. I was just in the ether, waiting, hoping to hear something, anything. It was that 6th and final opening that did become my current job, and just in time, too. For the time being, I'm safe and don't need to go through this again.

The Rub

Yet, so many other ghosts remain. I and others are ignored, left in the dark and silence of not hearing back about jobs we’re convinced we’d be a good fit for. What I'm asking is to realize that there's a human on the other side of the application. Please, treat us like a person. What a lot of this comes down to is a lack of humanity. We can handle bad news delivered with honesty and clarity. What we have a very hard time handling is the ambiguity of being dropped into a pit and left in the dark about our futures.

Still, my generation is resilient. @swedishswan on Tik Tok received a job rejection from Drip. Instead of just accepting it, she responded with a meme and miraculously, it was enough to get her the job. "I just got another rejection letter from a?job?I applied for and I really wanted this job. So I took a lesson from Gen Z and I sent them back this," she said in a TikTok video.?The meme showed a famous painting of Pope Leo X by Colombian artist Fernando Botero with the caption "y tho", an abbreviation of the question, "Why though?"??

According to @swedishswan, the meme did the trick for her. Shortly after the meme was sent, the employer reached out to her to say that they changed their minds. “Anyway, it worked. They sent me another email saying that they do in fact now want to interview me. I can’t believe that worked." she said.?

We're going to keep trying to figure this out, but we're stuck in the loop of see a job, apply, wait, get rejected or ignored, repeat. I've taken the initiative of walking into businesses that I know are hiring and asking for a day of interview that older generations told us about, only to be firmly told that, "Nobody does that anymore." I've done what I can to talk to people and businesses that are hiring face to face, but people can see the desperation of job seekers and most are snubbed immediately.

What can we do? Show our work experience, resumes, portfolios, and professional brand content to friends and people who's jobs it is to improve that sort of thing and maybe that can help. We can go back to school (if we can afford it and have the time (most don't have either time or money)), take online courses for what's it's worth, infiltrate certain social groups, harang friends at the places we want to work at, we can be tenacious and not give up. Sure, we can do all those things, but if our applications are just getting tossed in a black hole, it doesn't matter.

The People

I want to say a genuine thank you for everyone on my career path that saw something in me and who gave me something to carry for the rest of my life.

Thank you to Jim “Ranger” Thomas from Camp Gorton N.Y. who brought me on two Summers in a row despite my trouble making on occasion, and entrusted me with the safety and education of the youth. Ranger had a way of imparting wisdom that was authoritative and kind by saying, "You shouldn't do that and I'll give you 3 reasons why."

To Sara Rathburn from the Art Institute of Pittsburgh who brought me on as a graphic designer when there were hundreds of others to pick from, to advertise for and put on events at the school and who gave me so much freedom to make an impact at my college while entertaining all of my ideas for better or worse.

To Tim Tobitch of Franktuary who gave a chance to a rando like me only because I offered to take out the trash, and who taught me how to please the customer.

To Nancy Burns who taught me about making outstanding presentations and raised my tolerance for pain.

To Seth Finch who is the most motivated man I’ve ever known, and a true inspiration in every respect.

To Lana Goehring for bringing me onto the L&D team that would show me where my true career passions were. It helped me find a lifelong career and I couldn't be happier.

To Barb Hickey and David Holzemer for seeing my work for what it was and understanding my strengths, thank you for believing in me.

And of course, my mom Tina Howe, who has been a constant support and multi-talented inspiration in so many ways since my birth. Thank you for helping me in uncountable ways and showing so much drive and passion in what you do.

To me, none of these amazing people are ghosts, they are a part of what it means to find meaning in what we do from one day to another. They’ve all given me something and have allowed me to take on new responsibilities. They’ve all been there for me in my failures and supportive in my victories however small, and I’ve learned so much through all of it.

Thank you for seeing me and giving me a chance.