?? Ghosted: Finding a new job can feel a lot like dating – both parties are in search of their perfect match.

?? Ghosted: Finding a new job can feel a lot like dating – both parties are in search of their perfect match. Another similarity that can arise is the phenomenon of ghosting.?

In the many years that I've done career coaching, I've used numerous dating analogies - ghosting is a perfect example!

We all know that feeling, you've connected with someone for any one of a number of reasons: dating, job hunting, selling, networking, etc. It feels like you have a good connection so you follow up, and then...nothing, radio silence - you've been ghosted! In most cases it's worse than someone saying "No, I don't want to talk to you!", at least then you have closure.

There are some tactics you can use to minimize the risk of getting ghosted after an interview - though there are no guarantees, and I'll explain why later in this article. The strongest way is to have have a definitive close to the meeting with next steps agreed upon, for example:

"Thank you for taking the time to meet with me today. What are the next steps in the process, when can I expect to hear from you?"

• 'I'll speak with the Hiring Manager and get back to you by next Monday.'

"I know sometimes it's difficult to get feedback in a timely manner - if I don't hear from you by next Thursday, may I follow up with?"

• 'Sure that's not a problem - thanks for understanding.'

"What's the best way to follow up with you - phone or email?"

• 'Email's always best!'

"Great - thank you, I look forward to hearing from you by next Monday, and I'll send you an email to check the status on Thursday if I don't hear from you by then."

You get the idea. Then you wait patiently, and follow up as agreed if you don't receive a response in the agreed upon time. If still no response, write again in a few days, and then finally a third time a few days later. If nothing by then - the only thing you can do is back off and move on. If they get back to you - great! And if not, then at least you've given yourself closure, and that's empowering ??

Now, as previously mentioned - there are no guarantees. I've also worked as an internal recruiter and external headhunter for many years, and been a hiring manager myself on numerous occasions. I can tell you that there are so many things that can happen behind the scenes in an organization to derail your candidacy for your dream job, all of which are beyond your control and likely you'll never find our why. Some examples are:

1. Budgets are cut
2. Reorganizations happen
3. People change jobs
4. People leave companies
5. Internal candidates or employee referrals appear at the last minute
6. Recruiters have too high a load of open positions and don't have the capacity to follow up with all candidates, even though it is a good practice

And these are only a few.

I'll share a personal experience to illustrate: I applied for a relatively senior position with 西门子 here in Munich several years ago - I really wanted to the job!

I had super meetings with the Recruiter and Hiring Manager, and was waiting for my final meeting with the Hiring Manager's Manager to be scheduled in the following week. I didn't hear anything and then I followed up as I described above since we had agreed on next steps. Long story-short, I followed up in every possible way for two or three weeks - nothing, absolutely nothing - dead silence. I was livid - I thought, "How dare they ghost me like this, I was perfect for the role and my interviews went so well!"

Finally, I managed to connect with someone internally who informed me that the Hiring Manager with whom I met left the company to take a new job elsewhere a few days after I met with her. Obviously the position I applied for was put on hold because there was no manager. However, no one - not the Recruiter or the Hiring Manager's Manager bothered to tell me - the whole process was completely dropped - likely due to the Hiring Manager's departure. Yes, this was highly unprofessional, but it wasn't personal.

That's the thing, more times than not - it's not personal - something happened behind the scenes that you'll most likely never know. I was at least lucky to find out the reason and give myself some closure.

My final advice are these three points:

1. If you get ghosted - don't take it personally!
2. Be mindful of what the interview process is like - since it's usually indicative of what it's like to work somewhere, e.g., if you get ghosted for two or three weeks and then are invited back - it's a strong indication of processes (or lack thereof) and how decisions are made in an organization...so, do you really want to work there??
3. Never stop looking until your contract is signed and you show up for your first day of work - don't put all of your eggs in one basket!

I'd love to read your feedback, comments and personal anecdotes in the comments if this resonates with you!