Ghostbusting

Years ago, I was flying from Boston to Athens for a vacation. The plane pulled back from the jet bridge to begin the long flight, and then it abruptly stopped. And then we sat.

And sat.

And sat.

Finally, a garbled voice announced over the intercom that we’d be delayed due to a mechanical problem.

How long of a delay?

What kind of mechanical problem?

It’s probably an engine...

We’ve already been sitting here a long time - I bet they’re rebuilding an ENTIRE engine...

Do I really want to be on a plane with engine trouble?

This looks like a really old plane - I wonder what else might be wrong with it...

To quote my grandmother, “Oy gevalt!” (Ugh)

The human brain dislikes uncertainty because of the danger it portends. When we lack information our imagination fills the void, quite often with creative catastrophizing. The process of transforming observable data into a series of increasingly negative assumptions that inform our actions is what organizational psychologist Chris Argyris called “the ladder of inference”.

I’ll admit that I sometimes experience the kind of agitation I felt on that plane if I don’t get an email response from a prospective client. When a recent request for a proposal was met with silence after the agreed upon ‘due date’, the chatter began: Is he ‘ghosting’ me? I bet he doesn’t like my approach and has decided to work with someone else...maybe my approach isn’t actually a good one....I knew it would be impossible to break into this market...

And up the ladder I went.

Just because I like to triage my email inbox like an emergency room medic doesn’t mean that everyone else wants to, or is able, to manage their communications in the same way. Ghostbusting begins in our own minds. By noticing the self-talk that is driven by our assumptions we can choose curiosity instead. Ask yourself: Are my assumptions true?? Can I be 100% sure they are true? What are some alternate truths? I eventually learned that the contact for my proposal had been on vacation and forgot to set his autoresponder.

If you are a people manager you should also consider that your team will ascend their individual or collective ladders if you fail to communicate with them regularly. This is especially true during challenging or uncertain times - so don’t be the ghost!

What would be possible if ‘ghostbusting’ became a habit and you could disrupt your own thoughts in support of making make smart decisions (and avoiding regrettable ones)? What effect would this have on the quality of your relationships with colleagues and clients?

This content was originally published in my bi-monthly essay. You can subscribe here – always 500 words or less, I promise.