“The Ghost seeking a Degree and Buckchonahar Vilayati Babu”

“The Ghost seeking a Degree and Buckchonahar Vilayati Babu”

Nowadays in India a new ghost has appeared. All the time I see an awe creating ghost asking for university degrees. I am always in a strong spell of fear that this ghost would materialise before me and demand for my qualifications. People around us even those who have not got through class fifth are called as Engineer sahab, Doctor Sahab, Vakil Sahab, Sipahiji , Daroga Jee ,Pradhanjee, Netajee, Mukhiya jee and many other monikers. Someone who returns after failing the UPSC examinations for 10-15 years is addressed as a Collector Sahib. I even don’t know which degree is needed for which post. I compose poems regularly and contribute articles to a number of dailies and periodicals irrespective of knowing what kind of educational eligibility is required for doing so or even for running an industry.

?I recall my childhood days when my Baba-Dadi (grandparents), Nana-Nani (Maternal grandparents), mother-father and other elders compelled me to learn the Hanuman Chalisa, Durga Chalisha, Vindhyawasini Chalisa, different mantras, Aarti, Ramayana, Mhabharata and many other things. Most of them we learnt by heart. Right since school days I started observing Tuesday Vrat(Fasting). Post marriage my better half enunciated me for observing Navratri Vrat. In addition to all these I started performing other vrats and pujas (Prayer ) also. I have been doing Tuesday Vrat for more than the last twenty years. Lord Brahma has send me to this world and I am sure he will not call me back before my time comes.Now the only two left out are Baba and Lord Rama(Lord Vishnu). That is why now I think to please them also. So I think I should start fasting on Mondays and Thursdays as well. For a blockhead like me who eats 5 times a day this is the biggest austerity. Otherwise also everything is upside down in me, my brain??is in my legs and my legs are in my brain which never allowed me to know who really runs and who walks.

I am a completely unschooled person and by chance if ever a qualification obsessed ghost enquires about my qualifications, I will start mentioning Monday,?Tuesday??and Thursday??as my qualifications. Not able to find such schools granting these degrees will drive the ghost mad and would turn him into a man of senses.

?Now the degree demanding ghost would come on the ground realities and would accept my educational qualification and would agree that I have studied??up to Monday, Tuesday , Thursday . But the problem is that these English medium Convent educated Guggul Babua, Fake book , Tuttar, Ootub , Inta Gaon , Basstop and brain curdling ‘Chat Jee’ maharaj like buckchonahar Vilayati Babu are asking time and again what kind of degrees are viz.?Monday, Tuesday ,Thursday(!) ?

?Now the reality is even Lord Rama can not do anything for me when my fate is so blunt. There is a saying in hindi “Aatta geela hona” meaning to be in complete trouble??– misfortune never comes alone. When somehow I got rid of this degree seeking ghost then this buckchonahar Vilayati Babu became adamant to learn about my educational qualification. What kind of mantra I should enchant that these people become speechless.

?But after all I will have to give a befitting reply. Now that I have invited the problem then I have to face it too. I am not the one who is like these Vilayati Babus who had the opportunity of going to Convent schools and have the luxury of chair and desk for learning lessons using pen and paper which would have led me to receive a shining degree. In a small school in our village, constructed in a thatched hut, we sat on the ground spreading gunny bag and used wooden board to write. Matsab (teacher) too was also not an England return that he could have taught us English sitting comfortably in a chair. And hardly there would be?3-4 chairs in the whole Askool (school) and that too without having its four legs intact. Only one chair had its all four legs in place which would be under the control of Head Master all the time. Other teachers used to take classes mostly while standing. Sometimes after getting tired they would try to sit on three legged chairs but then their attention would be more towards balancing themselves on the chair than teaching us.

?In a school where both Bhojpuri and Hindi were taught to us it was not possible for us to get the knowledge of English. Anyways the Hindi language and the English language weren’t two peas of the same pod. I am deviating you by telling these stories and the likes of English knowing Guggul Babua is frequently poking me to explain the meaning of my degree. They are insisting on to come on the main point and asking from me the meaning of a degree. This is the real problem with these Vilayati babus that they need to be explained in a plain and simple manner. Anything slightly up and down and their brain starts spinning.

?Even if my degree is considered fake I will try to do my best to prove it is genuine. Obtaining fake degree too requires a lot of efforts. If you want to prepare Green Chilli pakoda it requires lot of skill and efforts, you will have to wrap it in besan and fry it in oil without which it is not possible. To convert a fake one in genuine one needs more efforts and one is required to fabricate many stories.

?Now I come to the main question which has led these Vilayati Babus to create massive havoc. I only said this much that if on any day the degree seeking ghost asks for my qualification I will simply say I have studied upto Monday, Tuesday??and Thursday. I am neither a Barrister, Collector nor an Industrialist nor do I belong to a princely state where I could command a battery of servants. My parents were farmers and wrestlers. If I went to Askool (school) on Monday and Tuesday I would be sent to take cows and buffaloes to grazing grounds on Wednesdays. During floods and heavy rains buffalos helped me in covering the waist-deep water on the road carrying me on its back and they would often take us on a stroll of village boarders as well. Buffaloes’ sarcastic stare too was telling me why at all I was spoiling my days by going to Askool (school). If I went to Askool (school) on Thursday I had to work again on my field or garden on Friday and had to perform agricultural practices as well. On Saturdays and Sundays ,which used to be a holiday, I had to go for wrestling in the arena or play some games or was assigned cleaning jobs and many other household or personal work.

?Nowadays everyone walks around with a professor's degree.Apart from the conventional Government and private universities, there are many other avenues are available for studies. Basstop university, Guggul university, Fakebook university, Tuttar university, Ootub university, Inta Gaon university and many other indigenous and foreign universities are available that are spreading knowledge free of cost.

?Now great facilities are available which was not available in those days. Using one wooden board and a gunny bag the whole family used to read and one book used to be enough for 2-3 generations. When I studied only for three days in a week then my degree will also be of that kind only. I hope Vilayati Babus and all other questioning archers would be satisfied with my answers and would not shoot any further questions on my degrees and qualifications.

My article has been published in hindi in “Gauravshali Bharat” magazine.

The above thoughts are not written for the purpose of hurting any country, person and society. If someone is hurt, then I apologize.

Thank you

Ravi Shankar Rai

?3 April??2023