Ghost Hermit Products (Part 1)

The craziest thing just happened. Our Co-Founder, Dan Davison, was taking a stroll down the street because he wanted to buy a big house plant that would remove the vicious toxins that were pouring out of the office air vents. We’re not sure what is causing the toxins but we suspect it may be a cursed dinosaur tooth that was planted there many moons ago. But I digress; as I was saying, Dan was walking down the street when suddenly there shined a shiny shop.

In the window of the shop was an old hermit who was holding up a sign saying “2 for 1 on Tibetan singing bowls.”

‘Singing bowls?’ thought Dan. ‘Why, they sound even better than house plants.’ So Dan went inside the shop to go hunting for the bowls. But when he got inside, the hermit had disappeared. After looking around for a full five minutes and thirty six seconds, he was shocked to discover that there were in fact no singing bowls.

But wait, there’s more. Suddenly the hermit appeared in ghost form and told Dan to follow him. The ghost hermit led Dan to the back of the shop where there was a secret hidden door. The door creaked open and Dan went inside. And beyond this door were boxes of unimaginably amazing products, the selling power of which Dan could scarcely believe. Here is just a taste of the kind of products that were found:

And so it was decided that Bloody Marketing would no longer sell marketing, because marketing is a service and it means we have to do work. Whereas if we sell these products, we hardly have to do anything to make a lot of incredible money.

In conclusion, the hermit turned out to be a figment of Dan’s imagination. But the products are very real, as is the cursed dinosaur tooth which we still can’t remove from the air vent. Even the superb hand-knife was not capable of removing the tooth, but apart from that, rest assured it is a very handy product.?