Getting Your Blackbelt In Connection

Connect! Network! Engage!

If I had a dollar for every time I heard those action verbs, I would not have to work anymore. And I am sure you feel the same.

Make no mistake: relationships are critical when it comes to both business and personal development. But are you reaching out with intention, and is that intention honorable?

My conversation with Leadership Training Master John St.James helped me hone my focus on how I create and develop relationships. In his new book, The Master’s Path, he guides readers in making deep and lasting connections using a five-step program of key principles.

Step #1: The Law of Solid Ground: What are you building your relationship on? Is it mutual respect and trust? Is it transactional and superficial? Is it deceptive?

St. James shared that wanting to know about them is the first step to finding solid ground. “Here's what I know. People want to be heard. They want to be seen. They want to be valued and they want to be understood. This is taking the focus off of me and putting the focus on you because I can't help you, I can't build a relationship, I can't build trust with you unless I know something about you.”

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Step #2: The Law of Victories: When you start your conversations, are you seeking to learn successes about the other person? Or are you too busy sharing your own?

According to St. James, a compliment, when specific and sincere, can go a long way. “We all have faults. If we focus on faults, that's not going to build influence. That's not going to build the relationship. It's kind of like panning for gold. Sometimes we have to move through some of the dirt to find the gold nuggets. And with people, it's the same way.”

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Step #3: Sharing Your Story: A good story leads to a good message. And a good message leads to a good invite. The start of that is sharing your story and being human.

St. James shared that for the majority of people, they want four basic things. “People want to look good. People want to feel good. People want to be right. And people want to be in control. Those are the four payoffs. If my story allows them to learn something where they're going to look good or feel better about themselves, if they can be right instead of being wrong, they're more apt to want to listen to me more and more apt to want to learn more.”

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Step #4: The Law of Buy-In: When you are done with your connection and message, do you just wait and hope the person will raise their hand? Or do you actively invite them to the next appropriate step in the conversation?

“When we do invite them to join, the value proposition has to be there. They have to see value,” said St. John. “If I believe what you say, and if I trust what you're saying, and I need what you're saying, and I have the funds to do this, the more likely I'm going to invest. You're an expert at it and I need to learn from you to shorten the learning curve so I can get to doing what I want to do.”

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Step #5: Building Your Character: What do you stand for, and do your prospects know this? This step will help you attract right fit clients that love working with you and you love working with them.

For St. James, this is a critical step to solidify your connection. “We're talking about telling somebody what we stand for and what we stand against. If you have a client, you're going to get much further down the road if you're working with them as opposed to against them. And that comes full circle back to trust.”

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Having intentionality with your connections helps your community to value your area of genius and empowers them to see you as their go-to authority. And we all seek experts as our guides to getting to that future success point.

?You can watch the entire conversation here.