Getting to Yes - This Coach's Perspective

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I’ve spoken on occasion that I belong to a special community of men.?These men are some of the most courageous people I’ve ever met.?

Their willingness to break down the barriers and perceptions of what defines a man, how we communicate with each other and how we show up in the world has profoundly changed my thinking and redefined how I view intimacy, vulnerability, friendship and leadership.?

Last week one of them quoted Richard Rohr (and American Franciscan Priest and writer on spirituality).?

Rohr wakes up at 5:45 each day. He says, “When I wake up, I’m trying to find my way to YES”, saying that he often wakes up in a state of "NO.”?

That hit me like a ton of bricks.? I’m totally a "YES"?guy.? Ask anyone who knows me. Though my yeses have come back to bite me in the ass many times when maybe I should have said no.?

The big difference. Rohr is referring to a state of awareness and being, not an action or doing.?

WHY DOES THIS MATTER: You might not even know when you’re in a state of “NO."?It might be as natural as just getting out of bed or having a cup of coffee.?????

Signs of potential state of “NO."

• Unresolved stress or anxiety…Work, personal or interpersonal challenges.

• Lack of clarity or direction…Without a clear sense of purpose or goals, we may struggle to find motivation or enthusiasm.

• Physical Discomfort…uncomfortable sleeping position, body aches, not enough sleep.

• Negative thought patterns…such as self-criticism or rumination. Often deeply ingrained and require conscious effort to challenge and reframe.

• External Factors…Noise, disruptions in sleep, disturbances from your devices contribute to feelings of grogginess or negativity when waking up.?

Have you noticed your NO?? Where does it live? Mine lives above my knees and up into my solar plexus.??

THE IMPACT of NO? can set the tone for the rest of the day and your overall well-being.????????????

Which can interfere with decision making.? This makes us more prone to impulsive or reactive decisions.???????????

?Increases the likelihood of Saboteur or fear based voices. Judgement, control, restlessness, avoidance to highlight a few.????????????

Waking up in a state of “NO” can create barriers to personal and professional growth…

Preventing us from stepping outside our comfort zones or pursuing new opportunities that could lead to positive outcomes.?

EMBRACE DISCOMFORT…Acknowledging your “NO” can be uncomfortable.? So can saying “YES”.????????????

NO = Resistance, Negativity or uncertainty.???????????

YES = Possibility, opportunities and growth????????????

ACKNOWLEDGE and embrace the discomfort. The journey to “YES” ?starts with discomfort. ???????????????

Leaning into and getting comfortable with discomfort is a prerequisite to shifting to yes…Discomfort teaches us to adapt and thrive in the face of uncertainty, which is where?"NO" likes to live.????????????

It’s the moments when we wake up entrenched in a state of "NO" where we test ourselves and push to find our way to "YES."???????????? It’s a deliberate shift in mindset and perspective.?

THE JOURNEY to “YES” starts with discomfort. Each time we navigate discomfort, we build an inner self confidence in our ability to shift from “NO”.??????????????????????

…Richard Rohr wakes up around 5:45 daily each day and spends an hour praying wordlessly. ?Most of us don’t have that time each day to confront our “NO”?

HEART START: The heart is one of the five knowledge centers we tap into in the BADASS coaching model. The others knowledge centers are, the head, gut, groin and hands.???????

The heart is where empathy and compassion live.

• Waking up with a “NO?” Start with small steps.

1. Acknowledge the “NO.”
2. Set your timer for 5 minutes
3. Put your hand on your heart and take three deep breaths.
4. Ask yourself, “What does my heart need today?”
5. Listen closely to what your heart says.?

Do this every day for a week.? I’d be curious what you notice.? Have you noticed your "YES?"?

Pro – Tip: Don’t worry if you don’t get an answer right away…The Right Answer Will Come If You Let It.?? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

This morning I woke up in a state of “NO”.? I realized this wasn’t that unusual.? I leaned into the discomfort, did my morning routine and spoke to my heart.?I’m also grateful to the men in my community. ?I can pick up the phone and call someone and we work on the “NO” together.?

To Be Continued?

Ron