Getting What You want

Getting What You Want: Holiday Edition

First off, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, or whatever joyful tradition you’re celebrating! I hope you’re taking time to be with people who matter, eating something delicious, and giving your email inbox the cold shoulder for a bit.

Let’s talk about a topic that feels pretty relevant this time of year: getting what you want.

The Holiday Wishlist

For holiday gifts, the equation is simple:

1. You make a list.
2. Someone who loves you (or at least tolerates you) tries to check things off that list.

As long as the budget aligns, voilà—you’re unwrapping what you wished for.

But in real life? It's not that simple. Beyond the world of gifts, “Getting what you want” isn’t as straightforward. You don’t always have someone willing to meet you halfway, and life rarely feels like a Hallmark movie.

So, how do you get what you want? Here are a few things to consider.

Getting What You Want from Others

When someone else is on the other side of your wish—whether it’s a business deal or a favor—the stakes can feel much higher. Here’s the harsh truth: no matter how rational, persuasive, or well-prepared you are, you can’t force someone to meet you where you are.

But that doesn’t mean all hope is lost. Consider these principles:

1. Be Clear About What You Want: So often, we assume others know what we’re asking for, but they don’t. The clearer you are in your communication, the better your chances.
2. Assume Positive Intent: While it might not always feel like it, most people aren’t out to make your life miserable. Starting with this mindset can defuse tension and foster collaboration.
3. Know When to Walk Away: Sometimes, no matter how much you want something, the other party isn’t going to budge. The courage to walk away is just as valuable as the persistence to ask in the first place.
4. Detach “Me” from the Equation: This one’s big. We often tie our self-worth to whether we succeed in getting what we want. But if you can step back and see the situation more objectively, it’s easier to accept outcomes—even the less-than-perfect ones. It may feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders, but I assure you it isn't. Life will go on no matter what.

Getting What You Want from Life

This is where it gets tricky. What about the things you want that aren’t transactional—happiness, fulfillment, peace of mind?

Unlike a holiday wishlist, you can’t hand this over to someone and expect it wrapped with a bow. In fact, here’s the ironic twist: often, you find these things not by striving for them directly but by letting go of your grip. The Buddhist tradition would tell you that attachment is the root cause of suffering, and there is a lot to be said for that point of view. In this case, attachment to the outcome can lead to all sorts of mental anguish.

When we cling too tightly to an outcome—whether it’s a promotion, a relationship, a deal, or inner peace—we set ourselves up for frustration. Why? Because the world doesn’t always deliver what we expect.

I might invite you to focus on the process rather than the outcome:

• Show up for the work you care about.
• Be present in your relationships.
• Practice gratitude for what you already have.

Ironically, when you stop grasping so hard at what you want, life often has a way of delivering something even better.

“In the end, we don’t get what we want by chasing it—we get it by becoming the kind of person who attracts it.”

Wrapping it Up (sorry, couldn't' resist the pun)

Getting what you want—whether from others, from life, or from yourself—is never as straightforward as writing it down on a piece of paper. But clarity, a bit of detachment, and a dash of mindfulness can make the process a lot more rewarding.

So this holiday season, make your lists, but don’t forget to savor what’s already here. Sometimes, what you have is the real gift.

Have a fantastic holiday!

-Scott