Getting Through the Quarter-Life Crisis

I don't normally write personal blog posts on LinkedIn but this topic really resonated with me. I recently came across a podcast series called The Femails. It's run by Lauren McGoodwin at Career Contessa. In these podcasts, she interviews various remarkable females who have gone through interesting career paths, made big changes, experienced ups and downs, turmoils, successes and failures, and somehow come out the other side stronger than ever and with a resonating message to share with the world. In a short space of time, this podcast has become my companion during my commute to and from Manchester Metropolitan University, where I lecture part-time, and I often find myself nodding along and having those 'a-ha' moments where I relate exactly to what is being said and how the person felt.

A couple of weeks ago I heard the term 'quarter-life crisis' for the first time. And suddenly it's popping up everywhere, including on one of these podcasts. Although the term itself is new to me, the concept itself is something I am oh so familiar with. Without knowing it even had a name, I went through my own quarter life crisis very recently.

In essence, a quarter-life crisis is a " period of intense soul-searching and stress occurring in your mid 20s to early 30s". What it feels like is an overwhelming sensation that something is missing. 

I also came across the concept of expectation hangovers. Now that was a light-bulb moment for me. That feeling where you achieved what you set out to but the feeling doesn't match what you expected. You reached your goal but it doesn't feel as good as you thought. And now you're disappointed, stressed, anxious and you're thinking 'wasn't the whole point of reaching this goal supposed to make me happy? Now what?' 

If I had to pin point when my quarter-life crisis began I'd say I was about 28. I'd been climbing in my career and achieving all the goals I set out to. Promotions, pay rises, positive feedback, more responsibility... all the things I thought I wanted. Each time I achieved a new goal, the feeling of happiness lasted for less time. This was so confusing. Shouldn't I be feeling happier? I worked so hard to achieve these goals, sacrificing personal relationships, time with friends and family, and time for myself along the way. Shouldn't it all be worth it? As I reached closer to age 30 things spiralled downhill. An eight year relationship broke down. Career took over. Social life disappeared. Health was the last priority. 

Then something triggered. A realisation that I needed more. It was a feeling I had in the back of my mind but wasn't actively doing anything about until a chance encounter with a phenomenal yoga teacher who opened my eyes to the spiritual side of yoga that I didn't know existed. Up until then yoga for me was just a form of stretching when I didn't feel like doing 'real exercise'. Classes were available at my gym so I'd pop along whenever I felt like it. But I quickly began taking it more seriously when I realised how calm it made me feel, and how focused I felt when leaving the class. I embarked on my first yoga retreat, set in a beautifully isolated chalet atop the Austrian Alps. Yoga, meditation and healthy eating only for a whole week! For someone who was using to moving at 100 miles an hour, this was a challenge. When I got back, I joined a hot yoga studio that teaches life balance, breathing techniques, how to slow down, how to shut off the noise and be still with ourselves. What a revelation! 

Then came a choice. Stay where you are or make a big bold move. So three years after my quarter life crisis began I made the move to walk away from the job. Take a break. Travel more. Spend more time with my family. See my friends again. Take time for me. 

Six months down the line I'm building my freelance consulting business. I'm lecturing part time. I'm attending networking events for women. I'm taking an exercise class in the middle of the day. Running errands on a Wednesday morning. Shutting off the laptop when I've had enough and going for a walk outside. 

It's not perfect. There is work to do. But the sense of freedom and accomplishment is unmatched. I've met many with a similar story and I'm sure many will be going through a similar experience right this moment.

Call it a crisis, meltdown, breakthrough, turning point, cross roads... whatever you want to!

The point is to look at it in a positive way. It's our gut telling us we need to shift our focus and attention somewhere else. And I've always followed my gut. So, for anyone going through this now, trust yourself, be kind to yourself and know that it's a normal process, it's a growing process and not something we should be afraid of. 

Have you experienced a quarter-life crisis? I'd love to hear how you got through it.