Getting through

How a lot of us walk and exist mindlessly?

I have walked through this park many times, but I did never notice the intricate twists and turns of this second tree.

In our own different ways, our mind is always occupied with worry and fears. We waste our limited time by mindlessly worrying about the many things beyond our control.

If somebody happened to take a deeper look into my brain, they would just get to see my stressed brain cells. I wasn't like this before. But some triggers affect us too much. Last year, every day for almost three months I used to go early in the morning to write daily tests for the UPSC CSE prelim, and a particular sight that I used to encounter daily still haunts me today.

There used to be a homeless woman, she made that footpath her home. And I used to see her almost every day. And I don't know what was about that encounter that had petrified me till today, I can't fathom things lightly.

Maybe that encounter re-ignited my deep-seated fears of abandonment. Sometimes,

i wish i had never walked that road, i wish i had never seen her, i wish i was saner, i wish i was my old self, and, i wish more.

I know it's futile to undo things.

Reading Paramhansa Yogananda's book has given me many insights into my own being. I am trying to make peace with everything. I wish I had read it long before, a lot of my worries would not even be existing today. If you wish to read one book, let it be 'autobiography of a YOGI'. I have just completed a few chapters of this book, but it has already helped me be more compassionate toward my own self.

Some excerpts again.

"The deeper the self-realization of a man, the more he influences the whole universe by his subtle spiritual vibrations, and the less he himself is affected by the phenomenal flux."

"The message boldy blazoned across the heavens at the moment of birth is not meant to emphasize fate-the result of past good and evil but to arouse man's will to escape from his universal thralldom. What he has done, he can undo."