Getting and staying Fit over 50: Overcoming four main obstacles (1/4)

Ensuring a joyful experience from day I (Episode 1 of 4)

Some weeks ago, I turned 57. Halfway between 55 and 60, there did not seem to be a specific cause for celebration (I am still here!) – but I am happy to say that at this point in my life I am quite good at staying in shape – and taking care of my health and wellbeing. Mentally, physically and emotionally. Even more so than when I was younger.

When I look around, however, it seems that many people my own age have given up. They may have tossed the towel into the ring altogether – and abandoned all focus on good food and exercise. Or they make it to the gym – or do they?drag?themselves there? – but what I see looks more like a joyless chore than like a happy experience. Also, they may be?moving?but are often far away from actually?training?their bodies. The same goes for food and drink: we either splurge on too much too often or deny ourselves the pleasure of the taste and satisfaction that come with really good food – because we are ‘on a diet’ and ‘need to get in shape’. And finally, most importantly, the joy in our everyday life and in the choices we make seems to have gone up in smoke and replaced by complacency and resignation. We are doing OK but that is a far cry from doing great. So where did all the joy, passion and energy go?

What I describe here has been the exact starting point for me working with many of my clients as an executive, fitness and life coach during the last two decades. Supporting them – regardless of their gender, body type or physical shape - in achieving a level of fitness and wellbeing that allows them to live the lives they want to live. With results and new realities that are often way beyond what they imagined possible.?

Funnily enough, when I first meet them, most of them have all the information they need to get and stay in shape. Their starting point may be different – some have an athletic history, others have never done any exercise in their life. But most of them know about exercise. They are knowledgeable when it comes to healthy food and eating patterns. And they are thriving in their professional lives. Supporting them is not about providing even more data and information on a healthy lifestyle. I discovered that what determines our success, is our joint ability to?overcome obstacles: practical, mental, emotional and, yes, physical obstacles.??

After two decades of experience, I can share the four main obstacles that may prevent you from getting and staying in shape – and how to overcome them. They cover about 80% of all the situations you may encounter. You may learn that the real changes you need to make are not in your body, but in your head, your heart and your body –?combined?(and sometimes in your diary). Head, heart and body are all connected. And the process in our head-dominated world often starts with reconnecting to the joy in your heart – and the joy of experiencing your body, enjoying it as it is today. Don't fool yourself by saying that you have heard it all before. You may have heard about these?topics, but your attitude, thoughts, habits and actions around these topics are real game changers. And your mind protesting may actually be an obstacle in its own right; it’s just you sabotaging your own progress. If you bear with me, you may discover that your best shape ever is just around the corner.?

As I said, I just turned 57 and at 6 ft 3, 185 pounds and 17% body fat, I eat 3-5 great meals a day (I live in Italy half of the time, good food is our religion!), I hike on a weekly basis, swim almost two miles in an hour and generally have a level of energy similar to somebody 20 years younger. At a young age, I was physically weak and have struggled with a number of serious ailments along the way (including quadruple back surgery). Through a constructive, liberating step-by-step journey I have been able to progress to where I am today. And if I can do it, you can do it, regardless of your starting point. I know male and female bodies have their own characteristics. And that the biochemistry of your body, including its hormonal balances and imbalances constitutes a profession in its own right. But I also know that a sane, integrated, step-by-step approach that activates head, heart and body goes a long way. So, in the next four weeks I will help you understand the obstacles and help you achieve that:

1. Your choices in relation to health are based on?real?joy and pleasure?
2. Your attitude towards food and drinks is based is based on clear and healthy ideas
3. Your exercise is just the right level of intensity – for where you are in your fitness/wellness journey
4. You succeed in integrating a healthy lifestyle in your everyday schedule

Let’s start with number one today. The others will follow in the next weeks.

How to ensure that your choices in relation to health are based on - and lead to - ?real?joy and pleasure?

If you have ever worked on improving your shape, you have probably experienced that the first step most fitness or life coaches will take with you is to sit down, ask you what your goals are, and help you set concrete objectives with a specific timeline. Thirty minutes of non-stop breaststroke swimming in 3 months’ time. One hour of running at 6 miles an hour in ten weeks, that sort of stuff. Or, if your body does not yet allow a very active physical regime, 10 pounds of weight loss in ten weeks, or specific changes in your cholesterol levels or blood pressure.

Measurable goals are great and a key condition to success - but they are in themselves not enough. They may start the process of your development, but they do not provide the fuel to keep going. The closer you get to your objectives, the more the feeling of ‘What’s next?’ will kick in. If you want to continue progressing and overcome the setbacks that are likely to happen in any journey, you need to tap into your deeper motivation when it comes to improving your health and wellbeing. What higher purpose do your goals contribute to? What aspect of them truly ignites your joy, passion or wellbeing? Is it just about looking good? Feeling good about yourself? Being able to do certain things (again)? Are your goals just about you or about something bigger? Many people start out with specific goals without asking themselves where their true motivation lies. My experience is that,?if health goals are not linked to a fundamental life choice that creates real joy for you and contributes to the world around you, you may be set for failure.??

Now why is this such an obstacle? Let me explain this for a moment. The laws of physics are very simple: If you want to move an object, let's say, a box across a wooden floor, the power to move it has to be stronger than the resistance that keeps it where it is right now. Your progress towards a healthier life works the same way: if the joy and pleasure you experience based on your choices – how you feel right now, right here today – are not bigger than the resistance you need to overcome (let’s say: your hatred of exercise, the initial muscle pain or your frustration with dieting) nothing will happen.?

If you want to move the box in an easier way, you can either increase your strength to move it, or you can partly empty the box so it becomes lighter. The same mechanics apply to your health choices: You can either:?

1. make your choices more interesting and rewarding;

or you can?

2. lower the resistance and make your health choices easier to achieve.?

Most people sneak their way into option 2: By going to the gym and walking around talking to everybody rather than actually working out, you bypass your resistance (muscle pain, initial exhaustion) towards exercise. And by secretly rewarding yourself for your dieting efforts?(‘I have denied myself so much this week; surely I have earned one decent treat’)?you do the same. Your goals may become easier to achieve by lowering them, but this approach will get you nowhere.?

So let’s go for option 1. Let’s increase the power of your choices by making them more interesting – so they add real, long-term value to your life and that of the people around you. To that effect, it’s important to understand how choices work. You can make choices at three levels:

1. Fundamental Life Choices
2. Health Choices
3. Supporting choices

A?fundamental life?choice may be:?‘I want to be there for my family’. Or ‘I want to contribute to a joyful environment no matter where I am’. These choices are usually value-based, and they are both an expression of your own identity and a safeguard for your wellbeing. Making fundamental choices requires that you know who you are and what you want out of life. If you don’t know who you are, it is likely that you stay stuck in ‘I want’ scenarios, rather than in a ‘I want to contribute/create’ scenario.

A?health choice?is a choice directly related to your physical shape or mental/emotional wellbeing. You may choose to get in shape, run a marathon, get a toned yoga body or lower your cholesterol and blood pressure. Such choices may be nourished by the fundamental choices you have made in your life, for instance:?‘I want to get in shape, because I want to be there for my family and be able to be active with my partner and kids’. As you see, this health choice is directly linked to a higher purpose in someone’s life. Some reflection went into the process of choosing. If you have spent little time getting to know yourself and understanding your fundamental needs in life, your health choices may be just about looking good, physical performance, and put an emphasis on weight, size, time or specific activities. Such choices are not anchored in a fundamental life choice and the issue is that the closer you get to your target, the lower your motivation will be to continue on the chosen path. This happens a lot to people reaching their weight or fitness targets: Upon reaching their results – after the initial buzz of success - they often experience a feeling of?‘now what?’?or?‘so is this how it’s going to be the rest of my life?’.?The issue here is that you may have been focusing too much on the problem, on what you want to get rid of, rather than focusing what you want to build and create in your life and in the community you are part of.?

Trying to link your health choices to fundamental choices can be a confrontation with yourself. You may discover that you have been fooling yourself for a long time about what you really want out of life. You may have been ‘tranquilizing’ yourself with the prospect or even the reality of a great body and great looks. If you take a moment to reflect on your fundamental choices, and connect your health choices to them, the result will pay off both in the short and the long term. It will be easier to do what it takes and the result will be a more sustainable form of joy and satisfaction.

Instead of doing that, many people choose the easy way out – and move down rather than up the food chain of their choices: They move towards?supporting choices. A supporting choice is a choice that helps you execute the health choices you have made. Examples are: ‘I want to get in shape, so I choose to sign up with a gym’.?Or:?‘I want to adopt healthy eating patterns, so I will get rid of all the crappy food in my pantry’.?

Supporting choices such as these are important to reach your goals, but as the term says, they?support?and do not?drive?the direction of your life. Supporting choices make great servants but lousy masters. In my practice, I have seen many people move from health choices to support choices and stop there. The same thing often happens with their progress: gym chains live off members who don’t show up and pantries can fill up with unhealthy food again after just one trip to the supermarket.

So, what are the fundamental choices that create the fertile soil for your health choices? I’ll give you my own example; My reality is that I work with and support people all over Europe in a schedule that often looks like a rock band touring schedule. I know and feel that I can only keep up with that schedule if I stay in shape: My physical, mental and emotional shape are instrumental and indispensable for the role I want to play in life. Also, on an even more personal level, my physical activity is essential for maintaining my emotional balance. In my family, we have a history of depression and by engaging in physical activity I succeed in maintaining positivity and serenity in my life without a need for medication. These are the fundamental life choices in which my health choices are embedded.?

There is one final point I want to make about your health choices, and that is related to the here-and-now fun & enjoyment factor. About ten years ago, when I was in my late forties, a good friend of mine who had been a medal-winning Olympic swimmer taught me how to swim properly. I had never liked swimming and opted for it based on a practical motivation: after multiple back surgeries, it was one of the only sports activities I could practice at an intensive level. My motivation was pretty shallow.

Through the passionate training of this great athlete, I discovered that the dolphin-like feeling of my body moving through or even above the water, at a solid-paced breaststroke, is a sheer joy every time I experience it. It may take 15 minutes to warm up my body, but after that I am in my own cocoon of total bliss, a feeling which lasts for a couple of hours after every work-out. Don’t get me wrong; I still need to work hard, overcome my own physical limitations, but the predominant feeling is a feeling of joy and being fully in the moment.

What I learned from this experience is that making fundamental choices is not a thinking exercise. The stuff that’s really important for you is felt in your heart or in your body. For me, the tantalizing feeling of working with a group of people in an international context is a sensation I feel at the basis of my spine, and in the hairs on my neck. Connecting with people on their journey is something I literally feel in my heart. And the experiences of sliding through the water like a dolphin is a physical sensation like no other – and something I can reproduce and connect to before falling asleep or starting a new day.

So try to?feel for it; what are your fundamental choices in life that require and safeguard a healthy lifestyle? See what pops up and take your own physical sensations seriously – even if you cannot yet interpret them 100%. I recently worked with a client in a combination of physical training and conversational coaching. During the session, she visibly experienced the innate strength in her body and the natural gentleness in her heart – and decided to build her career, her life and her sports activities on these two pillars. Without a lot of recent physical activity, she kick-started her health journey with serious interval running training – gently taking care of her body after every workout.

The key message here, is that if you want your health choices to work, they need to be based on positive sensations in your heart and body and translated into activities that generate joy for you?while you are doing them?– whether as a beginner or as an expert athlete.?Making sure your health goals are connected to a sense of joy, fun or wellbeing whilst you are working on them, is the basis for your long-term success.

So, let’s summarize where we stand. Overcoming the first obstacle that may keep you from reaching your dream shape in terms of physical, mental and emotional health and wellbeing requires that you do three things:

1. Set concrete, measurable goals for the improvements you seek in your health and wellbeing based on your specific starting point.
2. Make sure these goals are embedded in heartfelt or physically felt fundamental life choices that generate long-term joy for you and the people around you.
3. Make sure the plan to achieve your goals contains activities that give you joy and fun whilst performing them from day 1.

Next week, I will focus on your attitude towards food and drinks. You may discover that your health and wellbeing do not so much start with what you put into your body: It starts way before that with what your beliefs are in relation to the food and drinks in your life, the role they play and the actions that result from that programming. Don’t miss the next issues and let me know what pops up!

Niels-Peter van Doorn delivers body, mind and heart transformation programs for individuals and teams across Europe and at his FitFarm in Central Italy. He is an experienced executive coach, a government-certified fitness trainer and a certified shiatsupractor.

This article is intended to be inspirational and does not substitute professional medical advice. Consult a doctor in case of health issues or questions and prior to making any changes in your diet or exercise regime.