Getting Rid of Mom Guilt

Mom guilt. Nearly every mother will experience some kind of mom guilt in her lifetime. Most of the time, however, we have nothing to feel guilty about. I am a mom and often feel mom guilt. While the pressures society puts on us aren’t our fault, the way we react to them is in our control. Let’s do a little exploring of what mom guilt is and how to get rid of it.

What Is Mom Guilt?

If you haven’t heard the term “mom guilt,” you may not know exactly what it looks like, but I will bet that if you are a mom, you have felt it. Mom guilt is the irrational feelings that we feel when we do something that doesn’t involve our children or is just for us. Sometimes, these things are things we are responsible for doing. When my child is sick, and I send her to grandma’s, I feel like a terrible mom for not staying home. This feeling is irrational. First, I need to work. I don’t get paid time off, so taking extra time for sick children means that I lose income that might be vital. Second, my income does pay bills, so when it decreases, so do our funds. I am not being selfish by going to work. I am keeping the family finances in order.

Other times, I feel mom guilt for going on a date, getting my hair or nails done, or buying a new outfit. This guilt is unwarranted. First, we have to nurture our adult relationships. Second, we have to nurture ourselves. Let me tell you about my weird mom guilt. The week of my 43rd?birthday, I was off work. My grandmother died the day before my birthday. Two days after my birthday, I went to get the COVID vaccine and get my hair dyed. My husband had also taken the week off work. I was stressed out because of my grandmother’s death, and I had scheduled the appointment to get a little break from life for a few hours. My husband is a fantastic husband and father. I felt terrible that I left him to pick up the 5-year-old from preschool. Um, really? No, there’s nothing wrong with an occasional hair appointment. I had not been to a hair appointment alone in years. This was irrational and unreasonable. What can I do to stop it?

Let It Go!

Sing along with Elsa! Seriously, though, we have to just realize that we are being ludicrous and accept that we don’t need to feel guilty. Do dads feel bad for buying new underwear? Well, some dads buy it so infrequently it might seem so, but the truth is that men know that they are permitted to purchase the things they need. Some of this is because society tells us that husbands and children come first. If you are an LGBTQ reader, I don’t know what the dynamic in your relationship looks like, but often one partner has mastered not feeling guilty for living life.

Watch social media posts for 15 minutes. Moms want to stop mom shaming one second, but the next second there’s a post about how living your best life must be kid-centric. Now, I will not tell you to pawn your kids off on whoever will take them 24/7, but a date night once a month or even once a week is not unreasonable. A new pair of jeans or that new James Charles makeup palette is not unreasonable if the money is there. If you are low on funds and need clothing, there’s no shame in the thrift store either. To be quite honest, even if you aren’t low on funds, hit the thrift store for some inexpensive clothes (the ones in wealthy neighborhoods have great finds) and use the money you saved for the expensive skincare or bottle of wine. I love thrift store and antique store shopping and sometimes find excellent bargains! Don’t get me started on my vacation luggage. Let go of the guilt and live your best life with and without your kids. Balance.

What is Balance?

Balance as a mom is challenging whether you work or stay home. Working moms feel guilty that they are away from their babies, and stay-at-home moms feel like they don’t contribute to the finances. Let go of the guilt of which mom you are and balance what you do with what you thought. If you want to be a stay-at-home mom, see if you can rearrange finances or save extra money for a while to do so. I work part-time while my daughter is at school and work at home jobs when she isn’t. It’s a balance. I balance time at home and away. I am not cut out to be a full-time stay-at-home mom, but I also know my little needs me more than some kids need their moms since she has special needs. What do I do? I balance work hours and kid hours. I feel good about my contribution to the income and well-being of the family while also being there when my kids need me.

Eliminate Negative People

Get rid of negative people. Toss them out. I know; I know. You love this person, or that person has been there your whole life. However, negative people make people feel negative. Let those people go. This has been one of the hardest things I have ever done. I had to just stop listening to the people who think I should do this or do that. I do what I need to do for my mental health and my children. Let all of it go—the guilt and the people.?

Final Thoughts

Mom guilt is a normal emotion, but it doesn’t have to take over. Recognize your triggers and consider why you are making the choice that you are. Sometimes, that choice maybe because you need a mental health time out. There’s nothing wrong with that. If you aren’t sending your kids somewhere just to party all day and night, it’s probably not a big deal. Dinner out, even a girl’s night, is not selfish. It’s necessary. You are allowed to look nice and not like a hobbit after a battle. Let go of mom guilt, balance the family and personal time, and eliminate negative people. You are a Rockstar.