Getting relationships right

I was recently in a conference session which focused on the importance of the relationship between the Head of School and the Chair of the Board. Although the discussion focused on this specific relationship, I was struck by how the advice provided could be applied to any professional and personal relationship.

A few of the driving questions were:

• What are some of the key factors that lead to a successful relationship?
• What are the structures that foster a positive relationship?
• What conditions create an effective transition to a new relationship when one of the individuals changes?
• What are some of the challenges and opportunities in such a relationship?
• Why ask the mutually important question: what do you need from me?

There are some key points which are logical and straightforward and others that dip into the subtleties of relationship building, communication and human emotions.

Here are my top 10 takeaways which I believe, when implemented consistently, can improve all relationships.

1. Have open and honest conversations
2. Establish priorities and time commitments collaboratively
3. Commit to frequent communication to help build the strength of the relationship
4. Accept that there is a learning curve and adaptation period in every new relationship. Be patient.
5. Set realistic expectations for each other and communicate these clearly
6. Learn about and respect each other’s decision making process and leadership style
7. Determine clear goals for the relationship and share these openly with others
8. Value the complexity of the individual’s role and responsibilities
9. Work hard at your relationships. They offer reassurance and stability for others and are the key to happiness and success in any organization.
10. Ask for what you need and provide for the other’s needs. Both are critical.

Our lives are built on relationships, at home with our family, at work with our colleagues, or with our friends, acquaintances and chance introductions. We never know who may have a significant impact on our life but everyone has the potential to do so.

Be kind to others and yourself.

Be respectful of others and yourself.

Be purposeful in helping others and yourself.

Relationships are a two-way street and you need to focus on the bilateral direction in order to maximize their potential.