Getting Personal

Sharing our own stories can be difficult, especially if we want to be viewed as strong and invisible. Every person has a history full of success, failure, missteps, and growth. This is my attempt to be open and transparent and share part of my story in the hope that it may inspire others or let them know they aren’t alone.?

Growing up in Modesto, California, a small farming community, I learned early on the importance of standing up for myself and embracing change, no matter how daunting it seemed. My journey wasn’t always smooth, but every twist and turn shaped me into the person and leader I am today.

As I worked hard to build my career and start a family, life threw me into a perfect storm: both of my children, Kyle and Madeleine, faced significant health challenges from birth. Kyle, born two months premature, underwent multiple surgeries and even faced cardiac arrest three times. Madeleine, born with a cleft palate, required specialized care that only I could provide—no chance to get a sitter. The weight of being the primary breadwinner and a devoted mother was immense. Honesty, I couldn’t have done it without the help of my own mother. One of the most courageous things I did was to ask for that help.

One pivotal moment came during my time at Netflix. Balancing a high-powered career and motherhood was a struggle that wore me down. Within three months of my 40th birthday, I suddenly lost 30 pounds and felt fatigued, attributing it to stress until a year of relentless medical tests revealed I had rare sarcoma. This diagnosis, while terrifying, brought a sense of relief – now I knew what I was battling, and I could start fighting back. I, along with my doctors, had to learn how to best treat this rare sarcoma. I had to take a very active role in researching, and I am grateful to my friends who also dove into the limited research for me! Again, accepting help is a strength, not a weakness.

Chemotherapy and extensive travel for work didn’t mix well. I had to make a choice: continue on my demanding career path or pivot to prioritize my health and family. It was then that I truly understood the power of advocating for my needs. Between my fight with Stanford Hospital for better-informed care and switching to Memorial Sloan Kettering for a better treatment plan,? I took a step back from my role at Netflix and embraced the opportunity to work remotely with GitLab. After all, I was now flying from San Francisco to New York quarterly to see my oncologist. This shift allowed me to be present for my children while continuing to contribute professionally and meaningfully. Whilst going through this, I also “failed” to keep my marriage strong and ended up going through a challenging divorce. Note that “failed” is in quotations for a reason. Not all relationships last, but that doesn’t mean we should feel like a failure.?

At GitLab, I thrived in a completely virtual environment, which was transformative. I could coach my daughter’s soccer team and be there for my family without the constant guilt of leaving the office early. This newfound balance was not just beneficial for me but also for the company. I was more engaged, productive, and, most importantly, happy.

My battle with sarcoma and the subsequent life changes taught me invaluable lessons about resilience and self-advocacy. I named my illness “Desi” to give it a tangible identity to fight against. During my toughest times, I created and clung to a playlist of empowering songs that fueled my spirit and determination. Music became my refuge, my battle cry, and my solace. Songs like "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor and "Fight Like A Girl" by Bomshel reminded me daily that giving up was not an option.

This journey wasn’t just about overcoming cancer; it was about redefining my life and work on my terms. I realized that true leadership and personal fulfillment come from recognizing our vulnerabilities and using them to fuel our strength. By advocating for my needs and embracing change, I not only survived but thrived.

Through my experiences, I aim to inspire others to find their voice, advocate for their needs, and never shy away from the changes necessary for growth. Life will always throw challenges our way, but it’s our response to these challenges that defines us.

Remember, in the face of adversity, don’t just survive – roar back, stand tall, and lead with the courage and clarity that your journey demands.