Getting Past Your Fear of Success (yes, you read that correctly)

Fear of success: doesn’t sound like much of a fear, does it?

But it’s very real and it can hold you back in a big way.

I have heard several clients say to me, once they start to see a roadmap that we co-created to their success,?

“that seems unsustainable,”

Or:

“will there be any time left for my family/ my partner/ fun?”

These questions puzzled me, when I first heard them – until I started to understand they were postures, dominated by an underlying psychological fear of the exact opposite of success: FAILURE. The ego is so used to playing "defense," that it disguises this fear with seemingly “reasonable” concerns, about success coming at the expense of other aspects of life. But this is never (NEVER) the case for the person who understands themselves, builds success from a place of abundance, not lack and competitive drive, and who is methodical, meaning “not in constant beast mode.”

?

And yet, the fear IS real, as I have said, in the sense that it feels real. Although Joy is our natural, or default, state, we spend so much time outside of it, in suffering - due to trauma, or cultural conditioning (the pain of fitting in, the pain of not feeling like we measure up, the pain of feeling powerless), that we forget how to stay in Joy, learning instead how to be in hyper vigilance. The inner journey is therefore not about learning how to temper hyper vigilance; it’s about learning how to be and stay happy.?

When we do not take the time to learn how to be and stay happy, we stay in the fear, fearing even success - and this does have real ramifications on your results, because it causes you to inadvertently self-sabotage. If you have experienced this or are experiencing this, know it’s probably not success itself that you fear, but the potential price of success - which would be to lose your "safe" identity - staying right where you are. The self-sabotage shows up primarily as “preemptive strikes:” picking fights, hurling criticism even before you have any idea what you are battling against, anticipating how other people will react to your triumph / success even before you stepped up to the plate.?

And here's what you may end up with:

Mediocre goals.?You set the bar low to keep yourself from being challenged. Why go the distance if it’s going to cost you your marriage/ to lose face, anyway?

Procrastination.?You stall just enough to let opportunity pass. There’s always tomorrow, right?

Perfectionism.?You?will settle for nothing less than Gwyneth-level polish,?and when you inevitably fall short, that’s reason enough not to proceed. Totally reasonable, right?

Quitting.?Just when you’re on the verge of success, you find a reason to quit. After all, isn’t this clearly the universe sending a message?

Self-destructiveness.?Substance abuse and other?numbing behaviors?may serve to derail success. Including the Isms most of us don’t look at closely – workaholism, and Tik-tok-ism.?

Any of these behaviors can keep you from realizing your full potential.

No matter where this fear of success comes from – your family, company or yourself - it’s not that you think you’re incapable of succeeding. It’s more about the fear of change that may come and whether you’re up for it.?

If you are bold enough to face and examine this, and for a path to overcome it, let’s begin to cross the chasm out of guilt, out of anxiety and out of pressure so you can FORGET about worrying so much and give yourself a shot.?

Here are my top recommended steps to get started:

1.?????Explore the root cause of your fear

You’ve acknowledged the fear. Now examine your past experiences with success, going back to your childhood to figure out how you got here. Think about earlier successes and what happened as a result. The best books to help you identify where the self-sabotaging is happening and where it may be coming FROM are, in my opinion:

The Big Leap, by Gay Hendricks

And

The Way of Integrity, by Martha Beck

I hope you will enjoy them.?

2.??????Get clear on what your fear IS.

Success is complicated. The question is: what does it mean to you? Visualize success with the idea that it’s not likely to be all roses and sunshine. Nothing’s perfect. So, what are the potential positives and negatives? Imagine achieving your goal, what may happen as a result, and different ways you might deal with it.

3.?????Get professional help

Overwhelmed and can’t get a handle on things? Consider seeing a therapist?who can help you cope with fear of success. If you are not overwhelmed but primed to succeed and ready to get this out of the way, though, Coaching will help you take the leap from where you are and help you learn to view success differently - to the point where we can create ALL the success you want.? If you are ready, schedule a free consult here, and let's talk about this: https://calendly.com/kereneldad/consultation?month=2023-08

In sum, fear of success may either be obvious, or it can lurk beneath the surface, going undetected for years. Either way, it’s a genuine fear that can come at great personal cost, and if this article has resonated with you and you do find within yourself a fear of "too much" success and its consequences, recognizing this is step one. Steps 2-4 are outlined above, and I truly hope that if this resonates, you will take me up on it and schedule your Consultation so you can go all in on achieving your dreams. No fear whatsoever.