Getting Over The Ex

It's been weeks or months since the separation or divorce. Feels like forever, right? And you just can't stop thinking about the ex or stbx. And it sure doesn't help if there are kids involved, no matter their ages. And for god's sake, the ex has gotten over you already? That fast? WTF?!? I mean, what are we? Chopped liver?

First of all, the ex has had a head start on you in terms of coming to grips with the break-up. Maybe s/he has gotten over you. Maybe not. Who cares. This isn't about him. Or her. This is about you.

There’s a scientific reason why you’re obsessing over your ex but I’m not going to get into that. Let’s just say that after 15 or 20 years and a kid or two, there’s a rock-solid network of emotions in your brain that’s been built around your partner and your married-with-kids lifestyle. Fortunately, you can chip away at that network and replace it with something else in four quick and easy steps. Actually, the steps aren't quick or easy. They take a long time and they're hard as fuck, but they work.

1. Be aware of your thoughts and emotions about the ex as they appear. Instead of fighting them, allow them to happen and watch them. Embrace them. Write about them in a journal.
2. Write down a list of positive thoughts and beliefs about yourself. Your self-esteem has taken a serious hit from the break-up and your ex would love to have you believe that you're no good. It gets real easy to think, "Hey, maybe I am a piece of shit after all." The thing is that's her belief, not yours, and it's wrong. Carry that list around with you. Refer to those positive beliefs every time you sit down to eat, and again when you go to bed.
3. Be grateful. Every day for the next 60 days, write down three things that you're grateful for. When it's so easy to see things going to hell, it's pretty nice to quantify the good stuff in your life.
4. Now take action. Start your transformation now. Be aware of your emotions, develop new and positive beliefs about yourself, and be grateful for your blessings. On top of that, do something new that will bust you out of your routine. Learn Spanish, do daily push-ups, read, learn guitar, anything. This is the kind of thing that'll bring out your inner superhero.

Rock on, brothers and sisters.

Larry