GETTING OVER A BREAKUP

A breakup brings baggage, guilt and emotional chaos that becomes suffocating to handle along with the void that your boyfriend left. Usually, girls will take the back seat to cry or feel guilty. He is gone but your heart still has feelings.

As you are on the back seat, it is impossible to even see which direction you are heading to get him back. You might end up choosing the wrong roads.

Before you set out on the journey of getting him back in your life, you need to do two things.

First, no matter how bad the breakup was, you must come to the driving seat and get hold of your emotions, because if you don’t do that, your objective of getting your ex back or even making him want you back will never be successful.

Getting over a breakup is the first thing to do so as to think clearly about what you want. It doesn’t matter if you were the one who was cheated on or dumped. You need to come up with a plan to make him want you badly.

Second, reflect on the relationship you had and the person he was and most importantly, the person you were with him. Go after him only if he’s worth it. If your relationship didn’t make you happy, it’s time to move on and find a better person, instead of going back to him.

After figuring out these two things, get ready, because it will not be easy, but isn’t impossible as well, to want him to want you back.

It is human psychology; we never tend to believe whatever went wrong could be our mistake. We love playing blame games. He might have initiated the breakup, but you must go deeper and find out what went wrong exactly.

When relationships end, we only focus on the bigger picture or say, big mistakes. But a relationship is never ruined by big mistakes. Mostly when the little things or gestures start getting ignored, you start losing the charm in the relationship, as well as the person who is in the relationship.

Often when we are looking for answers, we might get hundreds of other questions. It is a very bad idea to buzz him every time you have a question in your head. You either must find the answers all by yourself, or you must wait till the time is right.

Even if you had a mutual breakup and you are on good terms now, bringing up questions may drive him away if he is not ready to get back with you.

In a relationship, nothing is one-way. Maturity is in understanding that you both made some mistakes and instead of addressing and realizing, you kept blaming, which obviously did less harm to your ego but ruined your relationship so much that breaking up was the solution one or both of you found.

Also, you must remember: even if you realize it wasn’t just you or him who was wrong, again you shouldn’t go and tell him. Your heart may find various reasons and probably valid looking reasons to contact him, but you must give him space.

Don’t make him the center of your universe. You shouldn’t put your life on hold just because he is gone.

Grieving is okay, but all other aspects of your life should function normally. And if you don’t do that, you are making him more important than all other things in life, which was why in the first place he got annoyed. Because you had no life and your relationship became your life.

You should be happy, and never do it just to show him. You deserve to be happy with or without him. Maybe with him you can be happier, but even without him, you should know how to be happy.

The point is, if he sees you happy, that might make him miss you. It will remind him about the good things about you. He might also get curious to know if the breakup doesn’t affect you at all.

After you are done with arousing curiosity, you can now start talking to him. At least this time, he won’t label you a creep or an ex who is just disturbing. Remember, you can talk about everything except your past. You must make him realize what he is missing in his life. You must make him miss you by making him remember the good times you shared.

Remind him of the friendship you had once

You were a friend to him before being a girlfriend, so be that friend to him again and be aware of maintaining the distance. He should not doubt your motives. You must be smart enough while doing this. Be that valuable friend to him again.

This is the most important step. If you get here you have accomplished half of the mission. You know him well, and you can be his pal – someone whom he can open up to and someone who listens.

Ask your questions between conversations

When you see the healthy friendship blooming, start teasing him about finding a girl and how she would be better than you. Now you can even bombard him with the questions you had in your head.

Again, be careful and smart both. You can say, “Why don’t you go out with her, I’m sure she would not irritate you by her habits like I did.”

So, this will initiate the conversation about the past. He might start talking about what he didn’t like about you.

Wait till the moment he says, he misses you. And when he says this, bring up the topic of what exactly went wrong for him with you both.

You can talk about everything and have all the answers. You both can talk about your past and confronting is the best way of healing. Once you know what went wrong, you can easily rectify and address the real issues.

Don’t get caught up in ego game and don’t make it the goal of your life to make him want you back just because he dumped you and you want to prove a point. If you realize after confronting him that he doesn’t have feelings for you, drop your mission and move on in your life.

Disclaimer: The information on this POST is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional advice. The opinions expressed within this article are the personal opinions of the author. All content, including text, graphics, images and information, contained on or available through this article is for general information purposes / educational purposes only, and to ensue discussion or debate.

Thank you …The truth is this: Real love is simple. We are the ones that make it complicated. A part of disconnecting is recognizing the difference between being desired and being valued. When someone loves you they will never keep you waiting, give their attention and affection away to others, allow you to continue hurting, or ignore what you have gone through for them.

On the other hand, a person that desires you can't see your pain, only what they can get from you with minimal effort in return. They let you risk everything, while they guard their heart and reap the benefits of your feelings. 

We make so many excuses for the people we fall in love with and they make up even more to remain one foot in the door.

However, the truth is God didn't create you to be treated as an option or to be disrespected repeatedly.

He wants you to close the door. If someone loves you and wants to be in your life no obstacle will keep them from you. Remember, you are royalty, not a beggar.

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Want to add a word or two…?

Do not beg for another chance, do not plead, but spill your heart out and let him know that if he lets go of you he might lose someone who really loves him and cares for his well-being. Honesty still stands out as the best policy; at least, for relationships it is healthy.

So, don’t get disappointed. You have to accept what is meant to be, is meant to be. Take the sign from the universe and understand he is not your soul mate and you’ll find someone better.

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