Getting Out Of Your Own Way
Certified Flourishing Coaching
Changing the world by empowering people, families, leaders, businesses and non-profits to flourish.
Breaking Free of the Fear of Success
The Fear of Success is more common than people think. The Fear of Success is being reluctant or hesitant to embrace success, achievement, or accomplishment - because of the fear of eventual failure, or the fear of being exposed as a failure. It is also the experience of anxiety, worry, or fear over fear over success itself.
To some degree, this looks like a fear of “getting your hopes up”. It is that disappointment, heartbreak, and despair that can come where we say things like this:
The Fear of Success and Self-Sabotage are essentially the same thing. Self-sabotage is when you consciously or unconsciously do things that work against your own best interest. It can be used to describe any kind of behavior that is self-destructive. The biggest self-saboteur is fear, and fear is a big part of what stops most of us from taking action. The Fear of Success is best described by this powerful quote by Marianne Williamson:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.?It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.?We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous’??Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.?You playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.?It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.?And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.?As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
We have all felt what Williamson described: “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?”
?In my work as an Executive Coach, someone once literally said this to me:?
“I am more scared of success than of failure. You can hide behind failure. Unless the failure is catastrophic, it may not change very much about your life. But success leaves you exposed. And it leaves others expecting more, wanting us to continue that success and build on that success. It sets up ongoing expectations and pressures I did not have before I experienced success.”
In one of my Executive Coaching sessions, a client of mine, who we’ll call Sara, had a particular problem. I admired her courage for sharing it with me. The way Sara described it; her boss had recently announced that their company had just won a contract to create a national Emergency Response Plan. This represented big dollars, significant prestige for the company, and it would keep a lot of people employed for a long time. Sara’s boss also hinted that he wanted Sara to head this project. All she had to do was let him know that she was interested by the following Friday.
Sara had always hoped for an opportunity like this. She knew that her work, her skill, her capacity, and her management expertise were second to none in the company. She was definitely qualified for the job – and she knew that it would lead to a promotion, a bonus, and a much-deserved larger platform.
However, as Friday approached, she was creating a list of reasons NOT to head the project. She had a list of pros and cons, and the cons was far greater than the pros. She had all kinds of reasons why her skills, capacity, and expertise would NOT BE enough. She was almost ready to say no to her boss. That was when she reached out and connected with me as a Coach. Does Sara’s situation sound familiar?
The Fear of Success is quite common, and it can cause us to miss a lot of opportunities in life.?When we're too afraid to take risks and move forward on our goals – either consciously or unconsciously – we get stuck in one place, neither moving forward nor backward. When you are afraid of being exposed through success, and afraid of the expectations of others because of success, that can be a problem.
I was also super afraid of Success. It is weird that a person who experiences the Fear of Failure can also experience the Fear of Success. But one day, I remember asking myself, “What keeps me from being successful?” It took me a while to come up with the answer, but I realized that I was holding myself back. It didn’t make sense for me to blame others, or my past or upbringing or genetics or personality. I was afraid of success and was subconsciously holding myself back from being successful.
The truth is that I didn’t believe that I was worthy or capable. I was not worthy or capable to be successful, worthy, or capable to be happy, or worthy or capable to fully enjoy my life. Why should I succeed if I was not worthy to succeed, or ultimately lacked the ability to succeed??Does this sound familiar?
If you wrestle with the Fear of Success, we can Overcome the Fear of Success with COURAGE.
Bronnie Ware is a writer who spent several years caring for dying people in their homes. She wrote a book called “The Top Five Regrets of the Dying - A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing”. It is a memoir of her own life and how it was transformed through the regrets of the dying people she was caring for. Here they are:
领英推荐
1)???I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me,
2)???I wish I didn’t work so hard,
3)???I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings,
4)???I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends,
5)???I wish that I had let myself be happier.
It is incredible to me that 2 of the 5 regrets of the dying had to do with regrets of not having enough Courage. The most common regret of all was not having the courage to live a life true to themselves, living their own dreams. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled.
Many of the dying had suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming:
Both had to do with courage. Developing Courage is key! Mark Twain said that “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So, throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the winds in your sails.?Explore. Dream. Discover.”
It has been said that life shrinks or expands according to one’s courage. So, how can we cultivate Courage?
1)???Walk with purpose – when we are gripped by purpose, we suddenly have Courage to step out of our limitations!
2)???Stay focused on your priorities - Courage is NOT the absence of fear, but rather an assessment that something else is more important than fear. When our dreams and goals outweigh our fears and inhibitions, we call this courage!
3)???Wrap it all in perseverance - Winston Churchill: “Success is not final; failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”?
Let’s overcome the Fear of Success and get out of our own way together…
?
?
Abe Brown, MBA, M.R.Ed/C, CPHSA is the Coach’s Coach, and is an Entrepreneur, Professional Speaker, International Best-Selling Author, and High-Performance Leadership Coach.?He is the Founder of Certified Flourishing Coaching?, the?Flourishing Coaching Program?, the CEO of?Wellness Innovate Corp. and the CEO of Momentum Coaching
Abe is known as the Coach’s Coach, and for being people-first.?He is most passionate about supporting people, relationships, entrepreneurs, businesses, and non-profits to thrive. Abe is also passionate about workplace mental health and changing the world by changing the workplace.?Along with the team at Wellness Innovate, Abe is the creator of Flourishing Workplace?.??