?? Getting out of the silence of IVF!

Today I want to share a personal experience that had a huge impact in my professional life. Most of the time we are told to make a separation between our personal and professional life, but what can you do when one affects the other ??

I’ve always dreamed of becoming a mother and being successful at my job. I’ve never seen it as something impossible to do, and one doesn’t have to affect the other.?

So 4 years ago I shared with Yann GABAY that I was starting a baby project. Why ? Because I wanted to be open with my employer about my personal plans without it being a surprise. On top of that at that moment we were 2 at Oreegami .?

I remember that I told him: “I don't know when it is happening, but I want you to know that it is coming.” His answer? : “Great!! I am really happy for you since it’s a really good project.”

Those words made me feel supported. What I didn't know back then was that I was starting a long journey before seeing my dream come true.?

Two years ago I learned I was one of many women touched by fertility problems. At the moment I had to go through several exams that showed I needed surgery. I did as I was told. 8 months after that without seeing any results, and after doing more exams, I was told that I was never going to be able to get pregnant naturally.?

Immediately my world stopped. I was in shock, I was mad, I was sad. I went through what a lot of women have to go through in silence. I had to deal with having to keep going with my job, while my soul was broken.?

The process I was going through had a huge impact at work. I was mad at everybody, the little thing made me get angry. I was taking out with everyone the pain I was feeling inside. They didn’t understand why I was so angry, why it was so difficult to talk to me or why I was exploding on things that were not so bad. I was mourning in silence. I didn’t share because I felt that I needed to respect this huge line of personal / work.?

A couple of weeks after, we decided to start a medical assisted journey. But things got more complicated. Accepting that you have to start this journey is hard, and for someone like me that overthinks and analyzes all the pro’s and con’s before making a decision this big is harder when things don't go as planned.?

In a medical assisted journey, usually IVF is the last option after several tries of artificial insemination failed. IVF is harder to go through in every sense (physically, mentally, emotionally). So I made up my mind to start with artificial insemination. Surprise! The doctor told us that this technique was never going to work with us based on the latest results.?

The only possible way was going through IVF. More frustration, anger, sadness came with.?

One of the first things you’re told when starting a journey like this is ‘stress is not your friend’. But how can you cope with stress, when you have work, when you’re mourning in silence, when you have to deal with all this information ??

At the moment things got complicated with my relationships at work. I didn’t see how my personal situation was really affecting my job and the people I work with. It was hard for my team, I was having a really hard time dealing with my emotions.?

One day I had a conversation where I was confronted. At the moment I didn’t want to see how my personal situation was having this huge impact at work. When I learned that I needed to go through IVF I was also confronted with the fact that I couldn’t go through that and the stress at work. It was just not possible.?

I felt like a failure. I failed at my ‘duty of becoming a mother’, I was failing at work and the only thing I knew was that I needed to set my priorities and to change what needed to be changed.?

It was not until that moment that I decided that I needed to be open with my team. At first I just shared the news with the people I have more interaction with. Those that were being affected by my emotional state the most.?

I didn’t know what their reaction would be. I was afraid of being open, of being vulnerable, of sharing what was causing me so much pain. Once I did it, I felt I made the right decision. I got their full support. They told me, there are priorities in life, and this one is priority #1 for you.?

In terms of work, we saw how they could help me to release the stress. It helped us restructure some things. At every moment when I started taking a lot, I got a reminder from their part saying ‘hey remember the priority’.?

Immediately I felt relieved. I was stressing less, communication got better. I felt even less stress when I had the medical appointments.?

Once I got the date to start the IVF, I decided it was time to tell the other part of the team what I was going through. I didn’t know how the treatment was going to be, since it’s different for every woman.?

I felt I wanted to prevent it in case things were complicated. Again, I felt fully supported. When the treatment started, I didn’t feel any stress (either work or treatment related). I was able to go through it while working, and when I was not feeling ok, I felt I could share it with the team.??

When you go through a treatment like this, feeling supported changes everything. Even more if it's from your employer. Being able to go to the appointments; to make pauses and stop if needed. To be able to share if something comes up that might affect your agenda and without having to go through the stress of it because people are not aware gives you a relief. When you take out the feeling of being afraid of the impact it could have on your work performance or on the team, I can assure you helps you to really focus on your process

I was able to do my job feeling relieved that if I needed I could share it with them and stop to prioritize what I was going through. I think that had a huge impact on the result I got. The result : Pregnancy in the first try.?

It hasn’t been an easy ride. It has been hard. Going through IVF is mental, physical and emotionally tiring. It can have horrible complications. You feel worried mostly all the time. Is stressful and is not something I wish women have to go through.?

I wanted to share my story because the more we talk about these situations, the easier it could be for other women to get out of the silence that can kill you inside.?

Even though there are laws that protect couples going through these type of journeys there are still a lot to do. Not all companies are pro ‘baby projects’. Not all employers will give their support to employees going through medical assisted projects. For those that are doing it, it is important to be open, to talk about it and to show the way.?

I feel the need to share my experience, but moreover to show how the company I work for gives support to this type of situation. I know that one of the things that impacted positively to the result I got, was the fact of feeling the support of my employer since day 1.?

For all the couples out there going through this path, I want to tell you that the more we are open about it, the easier it will be for future generations. There are some things that can’t be separate from work. There are things this huge that will have a direct impact on your job, and that doesn’t have to make you feel like a failure or add an additional stress to what you are going through.?

Let’s be open about it ! Let’s stop the taboo !?

#ivfjourney #pma #maternity