GETTING MY MOJO BACK

I've not been myself for a while. I lost my confidence, my energy and my drive. I've not enjoyed being around me, I don't even want to know what others must have thought...

Getting my mojo back has been tiring, energising, relentless and mentally straining.

Surely, January 1st = a perfect fresh start. Nope. What about 1st Feb? Nope. How about Ash Wednesday...nope.

I recently organised a leadership event part of which focused on growth mindset and creating possibilities; reading feedback comments following there were some asking 'but how do you actually get yourself out of a negative spell?' 'how do you just believe you can?'.

There's tonnes of articles and self helps hacks on the internet; making it seem so simple to just get out of a negative spin or suddenly able to sky dive when you've always been petrified of heights.

I've been reflecting on these comments since - mainly in relation to my own period of facing a #confidencegremlin (thank you Amazing If for this wonderful term) that has overcome me. Why can't I just create a new habbit? I've been trying to do this for 21 days now (on and off), but surely I must have nearly succeeded in creating that new habit? I've bought fancy journals to host my notes, ideas and actions, only to throw them away as I HATE NOTEBOOKS! Doing mindfulness every morning but totally resenting why I am getting up at 6.50 (ok I know a lot wake way earlier) to do 10 mins of mindfulness when I'd much rather be asleep, I'm not even listening or paying attention (or not not paying attention...). Why don't these hacks work? And then my #confidencegremlin grows in power; because you're not smart, not right for the job, not x or y. And so the visious negative cycle continues.

What makes it worse is that I am not one for sharing my emotions; so things bottle up and then explode like a really badly shaken bottle of fizz!

I think I've nearly ridden through the worst of this negative/confidence knocked spell and what i've learnt is that there is no magic formula. Thes best way to get out of this cycle is to find a way that works for you. There's plenty of tips online but if they dont work for you then you shouldnt be disheartened by it. Try and then try another if it doesn't work.

I never believed in 'resilience' before; I thought it was just a HR / business flavour of the month term used to justify whatever they fancied (a former manager years ago told me I needed more resilience because I didnt want to do something I didnt believe in...) but resilience is just energy management; how you deploy your energy to ensure you are you; confident, happy, healthy and alive. Being resilient manifests in different ways for everyone - that's my view anyway.

1. 3 very important people at work have been (unaware) crucial to helping me get my confidence back; my unofficial work dad for always giving me feedback in a way a dad (or mum) might - that you hate but then later reflect on and know their right, and my friend who always has my back and sees the method to my madness.

  And for my manager who actually had the most honest career and development conversation with me that I've ever had and didn't know could be had...in which I told them I wanted to be a Barista. #careersuicide? could have been but actually by saying this made me (somehow) realise what I do want and helped act as a match to spark my mojo.

 2. Trying all the hacks available, getting frustrated and letting my gut instinct grow and grow in power so that my head finally listens to what my subconscious mind is telling me is the best way to get out of this negative, confidence lacking spell.

 3. Not feeling bad if I want to be happy today or show some energy and drive if the day before I wasn't in the same mood. Some say this might show inconsistencies in 'leadership' but getting your confidence and mojo back isn't like a light switch; it's a journey with good and bad days and you shouldn't be criticised for having on and off days..

4 .Listening to my music LOUD and DANCING CRAZILY IN MY LIVING ROOM, OFFICE, OR ON THE TUBE. (linked to point 2) I thought I'd try all the hacks online to get my confidence and mojo back but tehy're all so serious and bound. That's not me; i'm a free spirit and hate being confined. I felt bad at first taking some time away from the desk or on the way home when I should be focusing on those techniques that everyone promotes only to get frustrated when they dont. Instead; staying true to who I am, i stopped listening to Radio 4 Today Programme (I'm sorry Radio 4, I do love you but just need a break for now!) and instead unashamedly putting 80s music or Ed Sheeran on loud and constant replay.  .

 5. Time.

 6  .Now I'm mentally starting to get my mojo back and confidence back I am starting to focus on my health and fitness; what really outwardly matters to me but I was erroneously trying to rectify this before I was ready to and only going backwards instead of forwards. Now I'm ready to aim for the Olympics again ;)

This is what is working for me. Don't feel you need to follow social norms or the latest trends in order to be at peace wiht yourself. Do what's right for you.