Getting to Know Someone New

Whether it’s a new coworker, new client, or someone you’ve met at a networking event, getting to know this new person can be a tricky experience. We can only get so far making small talk before we need to find more substantive conversational topics. That’s how you build these relationships, and you never know when a chance meeting will change your life.

So how do we get to know people better? First, don’t treat each new encounter like a job interview or interrogation. Yes, you might have a checklist of get to know you questions, but a lot of people don’t like conversations that turn into one-sided investigations. You can prevent this by making sure you ask more open ended questions that allow the conversation to flow naturally.

You can start by asking more innocuous questions that can lead somewhere. Maybe ask people what’s the last really good meal they had at a restaurant? Ask them what they like most about living where they live. My personal favorite question is this: what’s the worst movie you’ve ever seen? That last question can open up a lot of good conversation, because no matter how someone answers, I learn about them.

How people answer these open ended questions tells you a little about them, and you can use those responses to craft more specific questions. But again, the key is not to interrogate. Rather, give the other person opportunities to talk about themselves and share a little of their history, their passions, and their plans. By giving people enough space to talk, you learn a lot and make them comfortable. You also make a good impression, because who doesn’t like someone who seems interested and listens?

Finally, one of the best ways to get to know someone is to make sure you remember their name. When I meet a new person, I try to find a mnemonic that helps me remember them next time. Maybe their name rhymes with something. Maybe I can associate their name with their profession. Whatever I use to remember, when I can call them by the correct name next time, it will make a huge impression.

The next time you meet someone new, remember these tips. It could lead to a relationship you’re glad to have.