Getting Help

Last months installment covered a family that had the at home caregiving situation hitting on all cylinders. All hands were on deck to provide care and keep their loved one safe. I received a great deal of feedback about that article from families that were not so fortunate. Their comments were along the line of “well that’s nice for them but what do I do with my afflicted loved one without all that support available?”

I hear you. There are over 15 million? at home caregivers of loved ones with dementia in this country and two-thirds of them are women. A third of them are daughters. Yes, when it comes to caring for loved ones at home, women are at ground zero. The unfortunate part of this is that not everyone was put on earth to be a caregiver. It’s not their calling whatever the reason might be. I know men that have been in the “O.R.” while their wives gave birth, while other men pass out when they get a flu shot or women that can’t stand the sight of blood. This doesn’t make them bad people. The important thing to remember is that if you have resources available to you that may not be God’s gift to caregiving, there are other ways they can help.

Don’t be afraid to accept help, especially when someone is willing to provide it. It’s always easier to accept help than it is to ask for it. Are there sibling, siblings, family members or friends that can run errands, go grocery shopping, help with the household chores like laundry, vacuuming, mowing the lawn or shoveling snow. Remember, kids can help too and can prove themselves to be a valuable? resource.

Have you visited a support group? If not why not? You’ll discover you’re not alone in the challenges you may face with your loved one and you will also find that you may be surrounded by a number of valuable resources as it relates to referrals. Who’s a good doctor? What kind of activities are others using to keep their loved ones in their happy place. Is there a Home Care Agency that they’ve been working with that they’re happy with? What successful approaches are they taking to successfully deal with challenging behaviors. Is there an Adult Day Center available where you can drop your love one off so you can get some personal time while they enjoy socializing in a very supportive environment? I’m aware that changing their environment can be a challenge but staff in The Adult Day Care center are professionals and know how to help them with the transition or adjustment. Most include a quiet room for them in case they may hit a little overload. Therapeutic fibs can be very helpful here as many would refer to the Adult Day Center as “The Office” or “camp.” As long as it helps them feel better about it, it doesn’t matter what you call it. Reach out to your nearest Adult Day Center and ask to meet with them to discuss what they do and how they do it.

Dementia is a slow moving illness and they are going to change but change slowly. Be ready to change with them. Don’t be afraid to call on those many outside resources for help. From the many books, videos and web sites like ALZ.ORG or the Alzheimer’s Association 24 Help Line-800-272-3900. I’ll remind you again, that’s available to you 24 hours a day 7 days a week and can answer your questions in over 160 languages. Their web site also has a chat board where you can talk directly with others that are in the caregiving world. Again, you are far from alone in your caregiving mission.

Remember, there is no such thing as a perfect caregiver. Just keep doing your best.

Questions? Email me at [email protected]