Getting around Austin during SXSWi

Love it or hate it, SXSWi is big. So big in fact that they are adding new pieces to it like gaming, health, and "eco" just to ensure that Austin shuts down completely during the middle of March.

Having lived just south of the downtown skyscrapers for a decade, I can tell you that driving during SXSWi is a cluster of epic proportions. The other reason that driving is tough is because the city of Austin always decides to close lanes on roads leading into downtown because it is the time of year that directly follows heavy rains and bitter cold: two things that wreak havoc on asphalt, pipes, electrical lines, etc.

Add to that the numerous rental cars and buses (or what we politely refer to as "rolling detours") and you have the makings for one heck of a standstill on all major roads.

My best advice is to ditch vehicle transportation all together. No bus, taxi, Uber, Lyft or anything over 150cc.

This leaves two options that have worked very well for me: scooters and bicycles.

Scooters

While the bane of existence to most motorists during the mid-morning commute, scooters serve a valuable role to attendees, commuters, and downtowners alike. they are small and you don't have to pay to park in any regular paid parking spot downtown.

You heard me right. You can park a scooter for free in any spot (even between two parallel parked cars) for up to 12 hours! Just watch out for those silly new signs downtown that say "pedicab parking between xx and yy" as you will get a ticket.

You can rent scooters on any island off the coast of Mexico, yet we cannot rent scooters in Austin. If anyone would like to start a scooter rental company with me, please message me directly. I have vast experience renting them in Cozumel and Isla Mujeres and know how simple it could be.

Since you probably can't rent one easily, try to borrow someone's scooter. I have used them to whisk my wife and me around downtown during the craziest of times and always can get a spot to park up front.

Bicycles

Why not burn off those vodka calories from the PayPal party while getting to your next party? If it is over 8 blocks away, take a bike. It will be quick and you can lock it up just about anywhere.

There are numerous ways to rent a bike. We now have the city bike program and you can rent them at no charge for up to 30 minutes (plenty of time to get where you are going).

There are some caveats to biking downtown.

1. You cannot bike on the sidewalk in the downtown area. Having received an easily-excused ticket for doing so in the past, I can say that you will not see any signs on Congress telling you about this law, but the law is there. Stay off the sidewalks when biking downtown.

2. Because of #1, stay off Congress altogether. It is a death trap for bicycles. Go over to Brazos or Red River if you need to go north and south.

3. Drivers in Austin are bad, but watch out for Segway drivers as they are worse. I have had more problems with Segways downtown than I have had with cars (maybe an exaggeration, but not far off). They don't think they are problematic, but take a 200 pound lady on a 200 pound rolling death trap and lunge them towards bikers and walkers while she is staring up at the top floor of the Austonian, and you have all of the makings of a Tosh.0 episode.

Segways

<rant>

If you are even thinking about renting a Segway downtown, please know that we all laugh at you, think you are too fat to walk, and we know that the helmet they give you has no way to protect your face when you slam into something. Your hair will be fine, but your face will be all mangled and smelling of old beer and pavement. If you need to cruise around downtown looking at stuff at 4 mph, please consider walking. Your thighs and the rest of us will thank you.

</rant>

Cars

If you do take a car, please know that you will not find any street parking. All of that has gone to the valet parkers, special permits, and construction closures. You are SOL if you think you can find a spot remotely close to your destination.

Odds are you will end up parking across from your hotel after circling for 45 minutes. There is no elusive downtown parking spot and even if there was one open, you will be paying $30+ for it.

Legs

The final option that works for most people is to simply walk. But this is Texas and you need to know we like polite people. If you are doing the New York walk and text and bumping into people, you will make someone upset.

Try looking up when you walk and leave your phones in your pocket. If you need to text, please stand off to the side and get out of the way. Then slide back into the hoards of nerds, geeks, marketers, and salespeople and keep on trucking. Oh yeah, leave your trucks with your cars.

Enjoy SXSWi and welcome to Austin - the town that was once the "live music capital of the world." :-)

Update #1: to make sure it is said: y'all enjoy our town, but please don't move here. Consider looking at Colorado.

Update #2: I rode my scooter to the JW Marriott on Monday during SXSWi and was able to park across the street between two cars (parked parallel) for FREE. It was literally across the street and made for an easy day.