GETTING ALONG WITH OTHERS

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Many people have complained that in the new tech driven world where most of information sharing take place between people through mobile phones, text massages, WhatsApp or emails, the emerging challenge is how to get-along with people by using proper language and displaying civilized behaviour in our day to day interactions at the work and market place. ?

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"There is one phrase, I hate to see on any executive's evaluation, no matter how talented he may be and the line is, 'He has trouble getting along with other people to me that's the kiss of death." These lines were written by Lee Iacocca more than thirty five years ago but are as applicable today as they were in Iacocca's time.

After all, no man is an island. He or she has to work with others. The ability to work well is no longer an added skill for an executive. It is one of those vital abilities that sometimes make the difference between success and failure, not only at the work place but also in their personal lives.

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In my view, the whole gamut of managing positive relationships revolves around three principle areas – Language in communication

, Giving praise, and confronting criticism.

COMMUNICATION: use descriptive language "you never come to office on time.: This kind of statement uses what is known as "you" language because it verbally accuses the receiver: a rephrased sentence could be, "Since you have been coming in late I have had to make a lot of excuses whenever the Director asks for you. I am uncomfortable with that".

CONCENTRATE ON SOLVING PROBLEMS NOT CONTROLLING: A controlling message is one in which the speaker attempts to manipulate or coerce the listener. Consider these two sentences: (a) if you continue to come late to work I may have to sack you.(b) Let us try to figure out why you have difficulty coming to the office on time and see what we can do about this issue. The first sentence shows little regard for the other person’s needs, while the second recognizes that there is a problem and suggests what can be done.

EXHIBIT EMPATHY: Lack of understanding interest or concern always creates defensiveness. Imagine yourself in the shoes of the Assistant whose boss tells her, I don't care what your problems are, get this job done by the end of the day." Wouldn't this kind of a message make you feel that you were being treated as an object rather than as a person with real feelings? Now read the same message rephrased: "I hope it will not be too much for you to finish this job today".

SHOWERING PRAISE: When used skilfully, and when it is sincere can go a long way towards establishing an enduring culture of motivation in an organization.

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The following pointers will help you:

MAKE PRAISE MEANINGFUL AND PRECISE: Telling your marketing officer, you showed great ingenuity while dealing with that tough customer." tell him exactly what you appreciate about the way he handled the complaint.

PRAISE PROGRESS NOT JUST PERFECTION: Do not wait for a person to turn in an outstanding piece of work before you praise him. Instead, focus on the progress the person makes.

PRAISE AT THE RIGHT TIME: ?The One Minute Manager, Ken Blanchard and Spencer Johnson encourage managers to "catch people doing something right". Praise given as soon as an achievement is complete, or the desired behaviour is displayed is always more effective.

CONFRONTING CRITICISM: Praise is always a pleasure to give, and receive. There are situations where you must grapple with something not quite so pleasant -criticism.

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As a critic, you can ensure that your comments meet with the least resistance by taking care of some of these aspects:

Be sure that your criticism is appropriate to the situation and constructive for the persons involved.

Try to understand the other person's perspective

Direct criticism at the person's behaviour

Avoid being judge and avoid critical overload

To sum up, it is important to understand that in order manage relationships at the workplace productively and effectively, one must know how to communicate; how to praise colleagues; and also how to deal with criticism given by the superiors, peers and juniors, only then can one become a mature and effective manager.