Get your a*s out of bed- A two part guide to motivation

In the seemingly endless sea of motivational content, I want to try and add some context and keys to real motivation.? Since honesty is key in communication, and in an effort to remain true to my authentic self, I have to say I’m feeling rather unmotivated to write it. Here’s why:? I think motivation is bullsh*t.? I’ll explain.

Why Motivation Is Not The Answer

Motivation, in my view, is like loading up on caffeine after a full night's rest.? You don’t really need it, you just want the extra nudge. You know what you want to do, you have the will to do it, and so you execute.? You pull yourself up by your proverbial bootstraps and you get to work getting the job done.? The issue I have with that is, most things worthwhile can’t be done in a single sitting, and as such the motivation is fleeting.??

What’s really required is confidence and discipline, the two pillars of this series.? This week we dive into confidence, and how we develop the skill of self-belief.

My life is a mess and I can’t break through

Since we are referring to self-confidence, we will use a specific definition from Merriam-Webster, defining confidence as “a feeling or consciousness of one's powers or of reliance on one's circumstances”.? Put another way, believing you are capable of handling the circumstances you find yourself in from moment to moment.

I used to believe that confidence would produce a specific outcome for me, that I would live a truly exceptional life with the very best of everything at my fingertips. Put another way, a hamster wheel of perpetual misery that I was unable to exit fueled by a sense of lack. Every time I didn’t get the exact outcome I wanted, be it through missed targets at work, grades in school, or rungs on the social status ladder, my confidence suffered.

The very definition of confidence had become the biggest detriment to my confidence and success. There are areas then that we need to examine if we are to find our true confidence. Mark Manson, author of the book ‘The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck’, famously said, “The only way to be truly confident is to simply become comfortable with what you lack”.?

A profound shift was afoot.

How to walk like you’re ten feet tall

If we are to assume now that we must redefine our very understanding of confidence, we have to create a space of safety for ourselves in which we have a container to explore how we perceive the things we are most confident in and expand it to include what we don’t feel confident in.

If you’ve spent any time with our previous entries, you know the importance I place on humility. We have to be humble to be truly confident.? It’s in humility that we are able to strengthen our comfort with ourselves. It’s easy to raise your hand and answer the question when you’ve studied for the test, but it’s profoundly difficult to admit you have no clue what the teacher is even talking about. The difference between the learned and unlearned is the admission that one lacked the requisite knowledge, and decided to spend the energy necessary to acquire said knowledge.

It’s one momentary decision, in a series of successive decisions, that starts to strengthen the confidence muscle.

A Simple Guide To A Confident Existence

Here’s a few things you can do to gain confidence:

1. Take inventory of your wins: Write out a list of things you’ve done that you are proud of, and give you a sense of accomplishment.? It can be one thing, it can be three pages of things.? Simply give yourself some credit.? Write it out so it crosses the brain-body connection, crossing the bridge from your sympathetic to parasympathetic nervous systems.?
2. Be completely honest with someone:? The next time you find yourself in a situation where you are interacting with someone, and you are put in a position where you feel like you should know something but don’t, SAY SO.? Most of us twist up in knots at the idea of not being viewed as intelligent.? But being viewed as willing to learn is actually much more admirable than being endlessly knowledgeable
3. Not only is a willingness to learn a virtuous quality, it’s endlessly charming: Here’s a mindset shift for you- People love the opportunity to look and feel smart, so give them the opportunity.? When you flatter someone in this way, not only are you shifting focus away from a perceived lack of confidence in your abilities, you signal a comfort within yourself that it doesn’t bother you.? With enough practice, it won’t.??
4. Make it a habit of keeping promises to yourself:? Take one thing every day, make it a priority, and do it at any cost.? This can be very simple, and should be to start. Brush your teeth first thing in the morning, even on Saturday’s. Spend ten minutes outside, no matter the weather conditions. Watch one less episode of tv, no matter how good the cliffhanger ending was.? Start building up the trust in yourself to follow through on the promises you make to yourself, and keeping bigger promises will start to come more naturally.?

Where you lack is where you have opportunity

Confidence comes in many forms, but its most basic attribute is a comfort with self.? When you are comfortable with who you are at your very core (see Inner Alchemy newsletter #5, A guide to the authentic self), with what you do and do not know, and your ability to keep promises to yourself, self-confidence will be as natural as breathing.? With confidence you can now step more easily into your desires, and move freely through the steps necessary to achieving them.

In next week's Inner Alchemy newsletter, we will unpack the second key component of real motivation:? Discipline, the dirty word that cleanses the soul.?

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If you found this insightful, please share! If you would like more support in building up you or your team's mental muscle, reach out about group and 1-on-1 coaching, or use my scheduling link.? Have a great week!