Get unstuck! Go from desire to action.

Let me take you step by step to go from just wishing to actually doing.

In previous articles I’ve talked about how from CONNECTION with yourself you can know what you need to flourish. The problem with this is that many people notice what they need but they don’t take action, which makes them feel even worse than before: unmotivated, depressed, sad, and even hopeless.

There’s a critical moment in a coaching process, or in the path of heroes like you or me, when we feel stuck and instead of trying again, we make excuses for our “bad luck” or we think about a million new options to keep going without choosing anyone.

People ask me questions like: How did you write your book? How did you find the way to start your online business? Or, how do you balance traveling, learning, working, meditation, going out with your husband, having fun with your kids and, on top of that, eating healthy?

It seems MAGICAL, right? Like it’s always been like that, or that I just found the magic wand that made me FLOURISH, but that’s light years away from reality. For instance, I started researching about nutrition since I had eating problems (undiagnosed anorexia/bulimia) at 14 years old, and between all the nutritional and psycotherapy topics I studied and different therapies underwent, I experimented, and TODAY, 25 years later, I feel whole, with energy, I have a clear idea (and flexible, because I keep learning) about how to feed myself. I am also very disciplined , not because I’m inflexible but because I know the effect it has on me and I want more of the good, and less of the bad. Do I feel “perfect” all the time? NOT AT ALL! I am human, just like you and I’m always learning, I do fall but every time I get up faster and faster and each new fall is different and less harmful for me and to those around me.

I also built other aspects of my current life with my life partner, together, from a VERY young age (he was 24, I was 21), betting on what we wanted, working hard, with passion and consistency, with the education that our parents had given us as our base. I always wanted to have a lot of experiences traveling and working in different countries. At the age of 16 I signed up for college and by the age of 22 I was working in a multinational company and living outside of my home country: Argentina. That was VERY HARD but I enjoyed it A LOT too. I was always able to find the positive side of the situation and keep my motivation up.

Now, let’s focus on you, how can YOU motivate yourself in order to take action and move from the idea or desire to ACTION.

Step by step.

1.  You are 100% responsible! Only YOU can do it, don’t leave your life and dreams in charge of someone else. Neither your parents in the past, nor your partner, children, boss or stakeholders today will do what YOU need to do to achieve your dreams. YOUR LIFE is YOUR GIFT (or loan) to make it great. So, there are no excuses, always keep in mind that YOU CAN do it. Taking responsibility for your life means that you declare yourself TOTALLY able to respond to what you want and what happens to you, not waiting for anybody else to do it for you.

In order to do this, start by declaring your personal independence and write or say aloud:

“I, (full name), declare myself solely responsible for MY life and I'm committed to turning my dreams into reality”.

2. Find out which dreams will make your life worth living. The easiest way I know is through the airport exercise, created by Pat Flynn (you can find it in his book Will it fly?). We, coaches do this exercise in many different ways but they all aim in the same direction, envision yourself in the future as your best version, living your ideal life.

The exercise is like this: take a paper sheet and fold it into 4. Then imagine yourself 5 years from now, at an airport, waiting for your next flight. You go for a drink and while waiting to pay, you find an old friend, you haven’t seen each other in over 10 years. You remember all the love you had for each other (not a romantic love but a sisterly/brotherly love), everything you shared and lived together.

YOUR life is so wonderful, perfect, way more than you could ever imagine, and he/she notices that there’s something in the way you look, in your eyes, your smile that lets him/her know there’s something really good going on in your life. Then, he/she says:

“You look so radiant, so whole. Please, tell me how your life is today that makes you feel and shine like that”.

Here’s where you go to your paper and, while writing in each quadrant, tell him/her about a certain aspect of your life with as many details as possible. You choose the aspects but it could be something like WELL-BEING (physical and emotional), LOVE (all kinds of relationships), WORK (or that thing you do that makes you travel around the world) and JOY (the things that you love doing, like a hobby). There are things that can be related to two aspects of your life, and that’s ok. For example, for me, my “well-being” integrates the spiritual and emotional too, and “joy” involves all my learning and personal growth. Do it however you want but give details to everything you do and how you do it.

In the end, read it and highlight what catches your eye. Also ask yourself: from 0 to 10, how much does that life you wrote about motivates you? If it’s less than 10, look for what's missing or needs to be changed, and don’t stop until you reach that 10.

Keep that paper with you. Now, if you want, you can do what Pat Flynn does. He turns that paper into a paper plane and keeps it in his office as a reminder of where he’s flying to.

3. Make a connection to your own PURPOSE and VALUES which will make you reach your goals and start moving. That is the MAIN SOURCE OF MOTIVATION.

If there’s no light at the end of the tunnel or you’re not enjoying the journey, what’s the point in doing it? This looking into the future is KEY. The motivation and energy that drives you come from that ability of looking into the future. A research group led by Dr. Martin Seligman, recently discovered that people who think more about the present and future live with greater physical and emotional well-being, more energy, more happiness and less stress. These people are motivated by their inner self, and the reason is that they know what they want to create with what they do.

Now, according to what you want to achieve, ask yourself:

Why do I want it? What will I get out from it? Why is this so important to me?

Go to one aspect in your ideal life and set the purpose/value behind it. You could write it on the back of each quadrant and place the most important ones in the center.

In my case, my professional dream is to reach millions of people (Yes, I'm ambitious!) to teach them through big conferences and workshops (like Tony Robbins or Deepak Chopra) how they can connect and transform in order to flourish along with people they love. I want to do it with empathy, power, knowledge and, above all, connection. I also want to do it while traveling, sharing experiences with my husband and keeping other important aspects of my life, such as having fun with my children, outdoor sports, and alone time.

The reason for this is because I believe that if we all learn how to give ourselves what we need, that will mean we’ve learned to love ourselves, to be compassionate, and if we can be like that with ourselves, we can be like that to everybody else. Then the world will experience unity, brotherhood, and peace, and each person will occupy their special place where the can contribute the most and make everything a total and absolute beauty.

If my dream, or yours, looks “too big”, don’t worry, on the 4th step you’ll learn how to make it happen, no matter how big or hard it may be.

4. Make your ROAD MAP and establish the intermediate goals to get there, to your ideal life. It’s easier if you do it from the future to the present day while you answer what must be done 6 months before in order to live that (the goal). You can do this in blocks of 6 months until TODAY. If you notice that you need more time, don’t worry, you can change the date on that goal because it doesn’t really matter how long it takes (it could take your entire life) as long as you stay on track for your goals, that way you’ll already be truly living.

My road map has 2021 as the goal and I’m already on the way there, even if I don’t reach every detail of my “ideal life”, I’m living aligned to the purpose and values I established for me. I already published one of the books I have on my map, I moved to a country that allows me to be closer to nature, especially the sea. I live in a house where I can walk barefoot on the grass (in my ideal life I was walking on the beach but now I can GO to the beach every time I want to).

The key is to be REALISTIC every step of the way. At this point we must get creative and think about how you can turn all that into a reality, how to build the road to get there. Always thinking STEP BY STEP, like a baby learning how to talk or walk. Trying to get a bit closer every day.

5. Commit yourself to do at least ONE STEP THIS WEEK to start the journey and put it in your SCHEDULE! If you don’t plan IT WON’T HAPPEN. Let’s face it, how many “plans” are just floating around your head, doing nothing but making you feel disappointed with yourself?

Back to step one: YOU ARE the only one that CARES about your life! You’re the only one that can take that first step.

It’s really important to make it part of your schedule, just like your meetings or picking up the kids from school, you must give time and place to focus on this and make it a priority. In my case, when I wanted to start the book, well, when I actually started to write it, I booked 2 hours per week just for that. I had days where I'd just write, maybe do some research, read a bit or make a sketch about something I wanted to write about. I had all the titles written on post-its. The day I had to work on the book I would take one of the notes and focus just on that. The post-its weren't just for writing, they also were for dancing/singing/sleeping one hour before writing. I created options that, for me, were related to getting inspired. From October to June, checkings and all, it was finally finished. 70,000 words, 240 pages. I was committed to my book, my own project. I would always show up for that date I had scheduled.

It’s always possible to take at least an hour per week to work on your DREAMS, to accomplish what will make your life worth living. If you think it’s NOT POSSIBLE, then, you just don’t want to do it, you’re probably committed to something else (even committed to not failing or making mistakes).

My experience coaching has taught me that we must FACE our fears. We can’t let it slow us down, we must analyze it, find the threats, the resources and come up with a plan to free ourselves from it.

Come on! There’s nothing more fulfilling than working on the life you want, expressing your values, passion, and purpose. When you do it, you feel whole and ready to share.

Besides, imagine the impact it would have on your loved ones.. Think about this: what kind of person would you like to have around you? Someone that’s always sad and depressed or someone that dreams and fight for those dreams? And if you have kids, just imagine the impact this would have on them! The lessons you’d be teaching them.

I would love to know about your progress and what you've achieved. Remember, if you need help, I’m right here, because I really want to see you FLOURISH.

With love and gratitude,

Denise.

[You can also find this article in spanish RIGHT HERE]

Denise Dziwak works as a transformational coach, business consultant, author and speaker.

She connects deeply with people helping them learn that through inner connection they can create a flourishing life for themselves and those around them.

She works independently and also for highly prestigious organizations such as Vistage, the largest CEOs organization in the world, Axialent, the consulting firm funded by Fred Kofman and pioneer in the use of Conscious Business, and BetterUp, the first mobile platform that provides evidence-based personalized coaching to boost your confidence and performance at work.

Expertise: Business coaching, Spiritual & Life Coaching, Applied Creativity to Problem Solving (Design Thinking), Building Community & Culture.