Get ready to rumble

In a recent meeting, I observed two colleagues – let’s call them Jeff and Mary - disagree on how to solve a problem. After his initial recommendation was met with resistance, Jeff whispered to me “it’s not worth it” and relented. End of discussion. We would be moving forward with Mary’s approach. Nonetheless, Jeff’s idea was a good one. At the very least, it merited additional discussion.

Interpersonal conflict is often viewed as something to be minimized or avoided altogether. I couldn’t disagree more. Conflict is natural and something to be embraced. Its mere presence implies that people have different perspectives on an issue, and diversity of thought is essential for effective problem solving. That said, how each party approaches conflict greatly influences whether the end result will be positive or negative. 

On one end (left) of the conflict continuum is false harmony, where people do whatever is necessary to keep the peace; on the other end (right) is destructive personal attacks, where the real issue is often obscured by overly aggressive behavior by one or more people involved. Slightly to the left of the midpoint on the continuum is the ideal conflict point. Getting there requires preserving others’ self-esteem, listening and responding with empathy, and sharing thoughts, feelings, and rationale. Doing so ensures each person’s needs and viewpoints are considered, relationships are maintained, respect and trust are built, mutually agreeable solutions are achieved, and the organization’s best interests are first and foremost.